Bad blogging day

I cannot believe this day. This may surprise a few of you, but I have actually been working. No lie. I've barely had any goof-off time, which, in my opinion, should be outlawed. Equal parts work and wasting time makes for one happy office environment. Actually, a 40/60 ratio would be about right. Or a 30/70. But whatev.

So I am apologizing for that lousy, tiny post I left you with earlier. Boy, I was a whiny bitch. So sorry. However, I did get some nice comments, which was totally unexpected. I didn't make anybody feel guilty, did I? *evil grin*

Time for home and a nice, relaxing weekend. Mom, sister Katy and I are going to watch Devil Wears Prada on Sunday. Can't wait for that, as the book was very good and funny. So toodles, my blog-a-licious friends, and I will see you back here on Monday.

I am a comment whore

Alright, people. I know you are out there. I know you are reading this blog -- you cannot hide from me no longer. So I am just going to say this one time (today, and then again later, and again even later):

Leave me some love! Comment love, that is. I need to see who is here, and that I am not just writing this blog to entertain myself. Just a short little something to get me through the day.

For those who are already leaving me comments, Ich Liebe Dich (which is German for YOU KICK ASS).

So that is my request. Please do so now.

(Yes, right now.)

Sales reps take note...

It's always a day of eye-rolling excitement when the sales reps stop by. They always come when we are super busy and don't really have time to chat, or when we are really slow and the last thing we want to do is talk to people. Ha.

Anyhoo, today's sales rep came bearing gifts. Why, so glad to see you! Now gimme the freebies and get the ef out.

Usually we will get a Tootsie Roll or some other lamewad piece of candy in exchange for promises of our business. I'm thinking, bring by a super-sized Almond Joy and I'm yours for life. And a massage would be nice, too. However, today the rep outdid herself. In order to celebrate the new Mexico flights they are offering, she pulled nacho chips and cheese sauce out of her goodie bag. Oh my dear god. That is free lunch right there.

As soon as she left, I waited the appropriate 1.45 seconds before tearing into my food. I didn't even bother with heating up the cheese sauce -- 15 seconds is, oh, about 14.99 seconds too long when you are as hungry as me.

Oh, I was in a orange-y, cheesy, gooey heaven! A veritable fiesta in a bag! Way better than that swedish meatball Lean Cuisine I had originally planned. Mucho yummy-o for my tummy-o. (That is Spanish for "hands off my chips 'n cheese, sucka.")

Alright, so what have we learned today, children? I give you this:

1) All bribes are required to come in large packages. Or in gift cards. Or in monetary form.
2) If you are a sales rep and no freebies are forthcoming, I am not listening as you speak. La-la-la-la-la-la.
3) Should there even be a number three? I'm pretty sure 1 and 2 made the point obviously clear.

No more talky now. I am tired. And I know I promised ya'll a funny hypochondriac story, but I just don't feel like it anymore. But here's a tiny tidbit because I love you:

I'm pretty sure milk magically turns to poison when it hits its expiration date.

Ok. That's it. For real. Bye-bye.

Like mother, like daughter

Awww...doesn't this picture just tug at your heart? It's my baby girl ... *gulp* ... scrapbooking. She truly is her mother's daughter.

Also, as an added bonus, you get to see my scrap room! Or the "living room floor" as it is otherwise called.

I so wish for my own little room so I can scrapbook in private. I want shelves of paper all organized by color, jars of ribbon, drawers full of brads and eyelets. Heck, just a table would be good. I could use the dining room table, but that is just too much trouble. That involves carrying my supplies all the way around the corner. Which is exercise. Which is not allowed.

And now, the piece de resistance (or however you say it ... or spell it, for that matter) -- a new layout for you! I made this one with scraps leftover from my Making Memories kit.

New: I doodled the heck out of this layout. All the white pen work on here is hand-drawn by yours truly. You could say I let my inner artist out. Or not. But either way, there ya go.

The title -- A Bowling Genius. I realize after the fact that I spelled "genius" wrong. Gotta love those layouts created after midnight. I'm a nerd.

My new kits should start coming in next week, so more cool stuff coming your way. For those who care -- Lorraine, I think you may be it -- I'll be getting papers from Moments Defined, American Crafts, Sassafras Lass, Scrapworks, and We R Memory Keepers.

Well that wasn't very interesting, now was it? Guess I really will have to tell you a hypochondriac story to liven things up a bit. Next post.

Bloggity blog blog blech

I've come to the conclusion that I have no life. This blog has got to be the most boring blog ever in bloggerdom. All I ever talk about is scrapbooking and how much I hate cooking (I really, really do hate it) and other things that are basically very uninteresting.

So consider this an apology. Anyone who is reading this -- I appreciate your show of support and the fact that you continue to read my posts everyday as if they were from Dr. Gott himself and you are a hypochondriac looking for a cure.

Oh, by the way, did I tell you I am a hypochondriac? Yeah, that's good news. I will tell you some crazy stories about it sometime. I think you will get a kick out of laughing at my expense (you bitches).

Okay, going home now. Hopefully I will have lots of priceless gems to report to you in the morning. Nighty night!

There is something wrong with this picture

My daughter has freakin' muscles! What?! I think it should be against the rules to have a child that is more buff than their own mother. The world's done flipped upside down. Eh.

Of course, it is partly my own fault. I'm thinking sitting on your ass all day isn't a viable exercise regimen. Who knew? Here's my day in a nutshell:

1) Turn off alarm at 8:30 a.m. Go back to bed.
2) Get out of bed at 9 a.m. and scramble to get ready in 10 minutes.
3) Out the door at 9:15-ish for the leisurely (read: bat out of hell) ride to work.
4) Arrive at work at 9:30 (ish, again) and sit down in front of computer.
5) Still sitting down.
6) Why, lookie me ... sitting down.
7) Lunch break -- whooo hoo! Off to get a latte and read my book, all while sitting down. Very much multi-tasking here.
8) Back to work at 1 p.m. to have a nice rest-of-day sit down.
9) 5:30 p.m. and work is finally over. Whew! I'm just plain exhausted.
10) Home now. A little food, tv, some scrapbooking, some reading, and lot of lounging on the couch. I mean, after a long day at work, who'd blame me?
11) So tired now. Crawl in bed to read my scrapbook magazines or watch some tv on the DVR. This day has just plain wore me out! I really need this time to just relax and veg, to rest up for the next day when I start the hellish cycle all over again.

Well, aren't you pooped just reading this list? I know I'm pooped just writing it. I never knew how much I do in a day. I figured by now, after 10 years of this, the pounds should be dripping off me. Something is definitely not right here.

Gotta get back to work now. I have some very important sitting to do.

I'm dying over here...

...I am seriously choking. My co-worker, Karen, gets all the wacko customers. Thank god. But this time, the wacko-ness spread to my side of the room, and that's not even funny. This chic had so much perfume on it was unreal. I am so not kidding you.

Let me put it this way: If you could actually see her perfume in this room, you would have thought someone opened the door and let the clouds roll in.

Plus, the stuff didn't even smell that good. No perfume needs to be that spicy. Blech.

You know what gets me the most? She wasn't even going anywhere! Who in sam hill-nasty-smelling-nose hair-singeing-vomit-inducing-stanky-poo said wearing sweats and a pony tail meant you could bathe in eau de crappy? The devil, that's who.

Two things on my mind

Number 1 -- My husband tells me last night that the shirt I was wearing is the ugliest shirt he's ever seen. Mind you, I've been wearing this shirt for nigh on three years. So why the complaint now?

The biggest problem with this is the fact that I wore this shirt when we went to New York City back in May 2003. And I got lots of photos taken in said shirt. So basically all the photos are tainted, useless things. Hmmpf.

However, I've decided I will wear the shirt even more now just to irritate the crap out of him. Only fair, I think.

Number 2 -- Why the hell say cook breadsticks at 375-degrees for 4 minutes if you don't freakin' mean it? Yet another point on my side for reasons not to have me cooking.

Word to instruction writers: Don't play tricks on me in the kitchen. If you mean 8 minutes, say 8 minutes. Don't make me guess as to how long you really mean to cook the damn breadsticks. Even worse, don't make me bite into a golden delicious looking piece of bread only to find that is practically frozen in the middle. Not good, my friends, not good.

A little DVR love

I am so unnaturally in love with my DVR, it ain't even funny. How did I ever survive without this thing? If you don't have one, trust me -- it will be the best investment you will ever make. Seriously.

Here is my current list of shows that my DVR records for me:

DIY Scrapbooking -- Like, 3 shows a day. I'm showing my nerdiness here, but I LURVE this show! It is like my drug.

The Soup -- Gots to get me some reality scoop! This show is frickin' funny! It is recaps of all the stupid crap that's happened during the week. And believe me, there's LOTS of stupid crap. Good times.

Child Star Confidential -- It is so much fun to see the little babies all grown up! I'm not kidding you -- Curly Sue is in a hard rock band. Now how crazy is that?

My Fair Brady -- I may have mentioned before how much I heart this show. Mostly because Peter Brady ... er, Christopher Knight ... looks so darn sexy. But secondly because he and his girlfriend, Adrienne Currey, fight all the time and have really weird issues and basically make me feel really, really normal.

I Wanna Be a Soap Star -- There are 10 people vying for a spot on One Life to Live and it is hi-freakin-larious! One girl, Kelly, is the Supreme Bizarro, and does weird Celine Dion-like movements with her arms while she talks. Is she freaking quoting Shakespeare or trying to speak a sentence? It is hard to tell.

Last Comic Standing -- I loves me some funny people! Stand-up comedy rawks. I am rooting for Kristen Key. Any girl who pierced her boobies so she would have shiny nipples is the shiz-nit. Or however you say it.

Big John: One Year Later -- Remember last week when I was all PMS-y and crying over those stupid weight loss/plastic surgery/wedding shows? Well, here's the result. I now feel the need to check up on Big John and see how he's doing. Oh dear god.

If it wasn't for my faithful friend, el DVR-o, I would never remember to watch all these shows. And there's no way I'd be messin' with stupid VCR tapes trying to record all this crap. Fug that. That is why my DVR is my new best friend. I just have to hit one button and wall-lah (that is French for ta-da), I have shows galore to keep me entertained when I have no scrapbooking, reading, cleaning, kid-minding, cooking, husband-keeping-happy-ing, cat whispering, or work to do.

Oh, who am I kidding? I watch tv, scrapbook and read before all that other crap. You gotta make time for your friends, people. How unselfish am I?

p.p.s.

On a side note, a bit of information to please the non-scrappers:

At bathtime last night, I learned something new -- my hair is much too long for fancy shampoo horns, but just right for sexy soapy pompadour. Yes.

p.s.

I don't mean "suck it" -- I'm sorry and I love you.

Layouts to love

I went to the scrapbook store on Saturday, which was probably the most excitement I had all weekend. I picked up the new Daisy D's paper, which is super cute and perfect for the remaining photos I have of Autumn. See, look:

Wow, that girl can model. I am going to have to do another photo shoot soon. I've got lots of pretty new kits coming in July that are just begging for it!

I want to apologize to all the non-scrappers that have to read these posts and stare at all my layout pictures. I'm a bit obsessed with my hobby, so suck it.

Toodles!

Health food be damned!

So Jerry and I went grocery shopping yesterday. It was supposed to have been a light trip -- dog food, cat food, lunch items for the girls this week. Imagine my surprise when the register rang up $112 worth of stuff. WTF? Who put that Star magazine in the cart? Why are we buying shampoo that costs 7-freakin'-dollars? And this 60-minute Tracfone card has GOT to go.

Hold up! Where did this blasted fruit come from? Who eats this crap?

That's right. Jerry and Paige got a bright idea about this thing they call fruit. The cart is full of apples, oranges, bananas, grapes and strawberries -- we were a veritable farmer's market on wheels (but with cat litter on the bottom).

Alright, I'm all in for a challenge. It is quite possible I could forgo my nightly Little Debbie cake for some apple chunks with peanut butter. So we are at home putting groceries away, and Jerry tells me I need to wash the fruit. Excuse me? I have to "prepare" the fruit? Why, that's practically COOKING and lord knows I don't take kindly to that type of torture.

Well, fine. So I'm washing the strawberries. They look so pretty and luscious and red! Maybe this fruit thing was not such a bad idea after all! But wait ...

The grapes had a special gift just for me. In the bottom of the strainer was a fly and a flippin' spider! Alive and wriggling. Good god. Jerry said it is normal for bugs and stuff to be on your fruit, but I say no. That's just dang creepy.

Okie dokey ... back to the Little Debbie's. Swiss Cake Roll, anyone?

Waxing nostalgic

Alright, it is finally 5:30 and I can finally put this work crap behind me. Outside, the street fair has started and they are playing some cool ass late 80s/early 90s roller skating music -- Salt 'N Pepa, Tone Loc, Kriss Kross -- you know, music you can backward skate to. Good times.

So, yeah, Main Street is full of carnival rides -- the best ones like the Zipper, Tilt-a-Whirl, Ferris Wheel and more. It looks like such fun out there. If it wasn't so frickin' hot, maybe I'd go take a spin on the Sizzler. But I won't. I don't do heat.

However, I will give kudos to the mechanics who put up these rides. Yesterday it was pouring down rain, like practically the sideways kind, and they were out there doing their jobs like nobody's business. Thems dedicated carnies!

Ok, kids, I'm out. I'll be back on Monday with more good stuff. Peace, yo.

This day is retarded

Fridays are supposed to be fun days. Last day of the work week, start of the weekend, I get to wear jeans to work -- I mean, come on people, what's better than that?! (Well, wearing jeans everyday to work would be nice, but I digress.)

So what the ef is life doing to me by giving me a speeding ticket on my way to work this morning? That's bullcrap. It is so totally not fair that I got caught. Ger. Plus, going 59 in a 40 is not technically speeding. I mean, who goes freakin' 40 miles per hour? Grannies, that's who.

And then, I can't even goof off properly today. People keep calling here as if this is a place of business and they are going to buy something.

I thought perhaps I might get a little break when my boss asks me if I wanted to have lunch with her at the new casino that opened up yesterday. Why yes I do! Sounded like a great idea until about 20 minutes after getting our order taken, the waiter comes out and said the cooks hadn't even started on our food. Excuse me, I had a salad. If someone is cooking my salad, we definitely have some problems.

And the icing on the cake? The bookstore's espresso machine was el-broke-a-mundo. Waaah! No coffee-breath for me today. It just wasn't meant to be.

There is an upside to this day -- I got to see my baby! I picked her up when she got home from church camp and I could have kissed her all over. And get this: she missed me, too. Ahhhh. So love that girl.

Tomorrow = good day!

There are lots of good reasons to be thankful for tomorrow. For one, it is Friday. Duh. Who can't love a Friday? Secondly, and most importantly, my baby is coming home from church camp! If I was any more excited I'd be twins.

Well that is only two reasons to be thankful for tomorrow, but they are pretty darn good ones.

But back to my daughter...

I miss her so much! I can't believe how much I want her to come home. Have I finally hit that stage in my motherhood where I actually like having my daughter home with me? Wow. Me big girl now.

Usually I crave a little alone time. When Autumn goes to her dad's for a weekend, it's always a welcome reprieve. But this week-long bit has got to stop! I feel a desperate need to cuddle, and that, coupled with this blasted PMS, does not a happy mommy make.

Sigh.

Roll on, Friday. I'm ready for ya.

More food fun!

I created a gastronomical miracle last night since I was forced, yet again, to cook dinner. Here's the recipie so you, too, can impress your loved ones with this fantastical concoction:

2 frozen burritos (any kind -- mine were from El Charito)
sour cream
salsa
shredded cheese

Here's the tough part:

Put burritos on a paper plate and microwave as usual. Top with remaining ingredients for a to-die-for meal!

I'm telling you, this masterpiece was just as authentically mexican looking as, say, something that looks nothing like real mexican food. But it tasted good, dammit!

So I made my two burritos first, and to punish Jerry for his trickery, I made him make his own burritos when he got out of bed at 9 p.m. Take that, Eating-In Guy!

On a side note, if I weren't so convinced my vitamins were good for me, there's no way in hell I'd swallow these horse pills for fun. It's like a choke and a Heimlich waiting to happen.

Adventures in customer service

I just had a nice after-hours experience with Southwest Airlines. Don't they know not to mess with me when I am staying late without pay?! Here's the scoop:

I was changing a customer's flight from 6 a.m. tomorrow to 2 p.m. that afternoon. First lady changes it. Thank you, goodbye, et cetera. But my fax didn't come over right away, and the online check-in thingy still has the old flight on it. So I call back. The reservation had not been changed. Ger. So second lady changes it no problemo. Goodie! Fax is coming over nicely. Right flight - wrong date. Instead of tomorrow, June 22, she got him on July 22. Well, poop.

Third times a charm right? Wrong. This time I get the most retarded-est of the bunch who didn't quite get what I was needing. Change the July 22 flight to June 22. Easy-peasy. Well, apparently that requires some massive finagle-ing on Southwest Airline's part because I was on hold for hours. (Okay, minutes, but still...)

Now I'm exhausted and it is way past closing time and I'm sitting here working for free. Well, not working, per se, but free nonetheless.

Bye bye and thank you for reading my blog. Come again.

Abby, the Circus Dog

I've been feeling a little guilty lately about not including any photos of the family dog in this blog. So here she is -- my Super Dog, Abby, with my step-daughter, Paige. Abby loves the occassional romp on the tramp! Plus, she has other tricks as well. A list for you:

*She can lick you repeatedly, even after you tell her to quit it.

*She can beg for biscuits. A lot. Within seconds of getting one. This is probably her best trick.

*If no biscuit is forthcoming, she can turn her back on you, then look over her shoulder with downcast, sad doggy eyes.

*She can chase cars and keep up with them. The cars love it. The drivers do not.

*She can roll on her back, baring her stomach, anytime you stare at her too long. I'm thinking this means "rub me here" but I could be wrong.

*She has the uncanny ability to run through the muddiest water she can find. Especially after baths. She is very, very good at this.

*Oh, she can also sit, shake, lay down, high five and so forth, but none of these "fancy dog tricks" really impress me.

Yes, my Abby is quite a talented girl indeed. She puts all the other neighborhood dogs to shame. I see a circus act in her future.

Super powers denied

I was foiled! Take-Out Girl was defeated by Eating-In Guy and I am in complete and utter shock.

Last night, Jerry told me to wake him up when I got home and we would cook dinner together. I mean, I figured he would do most of the cooking and I would, like, set the timer on the oven or something. But he tricked me! He pretended my waking-up techniques weren't working and stayed "asleep" for hours. He is a psychological genius.

Poop. So I suppose if anyone is going to be eating, I'd be the one to make it happen. I'm opening cabinets and trying to decide which item would take the least effort. The Hamburger Helper is a good idea, but thawing out meat is a pain in the ass. No thank you to the pork chops -- large meat items are strictly Jerry-territory (he doesn't know this, but I say it is true). I could make some tuna fish, but dammit if Jerry didn't eat the family-size Doritoes all by himself. Yes, I said FAMILY-size. That boy loves his chips.

Oh, hell's bells. I ended up making some cheesy chicken enchilada thing. Now, don't get all excited -- it was still out of a box and required 15 minutes of my time to "stir occassionally." I'm telling you, though, stirring stuff is exhausting, and the "occassionally" bit is a load of crap.

And as soon as I tell Jerry that dinner is ready, he is amazingly well-rested and ready to go. Hmmm. Interesting. Methinks someone's been duped.

Where the hell is Kokomo?

Funny story from work today: My co-worker, Karen, had a customer come in and want to take a cruise to Kokomo. She's like, Kokomo? WTF? (Except she didn't really say that.) And the dude goes, Yeah, like in the Beach Boys song. Isn't that a riot?! If he's going to Kokomo (which doesn't exist, by the way -- she looked it up), I'm going to Narnia or Middle Earth or somewhere equally as fun.

Alrighty, time to go. Heading home so Jerry and I can make dinner together. Which basically means he will make dinner and I will stand in the kitchen looking pretty.

Passing notes

Good morning, my peeps! In case you weren't aware, it is 4 days until the weekend. Don't worry -- I'll keep track for you.

Now, down to business.

To my sister Katy: Just because you finally call me three days after you said you would does not mean I forgive you.

To my husband Jerry: Anything and everything you do may or absolutely will become blog fodder. In other words, be on your best behavior at all times. And do not cross me. Ever.

To all my loyal blog readers: Do I have loyal blog readers? Well, if so, you know who you are and I loves you all!!

To my sister Katy (again): Alright, I've thought about it. I suppose since your life is way cooler than mine, you probably had better things to do besides call your old hag sister. So I WILL forgive you. This time.

To all the people who have yet to read my blog: What is wrong with you?! You better jump on this bandwagon and fast. You are missing all the fun. And that is just a shame.

To my in-laws: Thank you for feeding me last night. The pizza was delish -- even more so since I did not have to pay for it or cook it. Yay! I wiggled my way out of cooking once again! If I had super powers, that would totally be it. I'd be like Take-Out Girl and would always find a way to not cook. And I could never be foiled by Eating-In Guy (i.e. Jerry). Ever. And that would just be dang cool.

Okay, no more talky talky. Goodbye.

Weekend-palooza

I love me a good weekend! I didn't do a whole lot, but it doesn't really matter. I wasn't working, and that is always a plus.

First of all, a shout out to my sister, Katy, for NOT calling me after Nacho Libre like she said she would. For shame.

Okay, things I did this weekend:

FRIDAY --

1) Stayed up waaayyyyyy too late waiting for my sister to call. Oh, did I already complain about that? Sorry. It consumes me.

2) I made this:



3) And this:


Plus 6 other awesome layouts that will rock the scrapbooking world. You will just have to trust me on this. Also, for those who care, this is the Scenic Route North Shore kit. Me loves!

SATURDAY --

1) Sat on my lazy ass all day. It was super fun.

SUNDAY --

1) Saw my daughter off to church camp for a week. Waaah! But what is cool is that she is going to the same camp that I went to 17 years ago. Freaky. I told her to look for the "I heart Dennis" thing I wrote on the bunk beds when I was 13 years old. Yeah, I graffiti-ed at church camp. What of it?

2) Dropped off my step-daughter for a whirlwind week of doing nothing in Tulsa with her mom. The hubby and I are now alone until Friday. Which means only one thing ... scrapbooking in private! (What else could it mean, seriously?)

3) I ate a whole can of bean dip by myself. Then my jaw locked up on me again. That was probably my punishment.

Wow. I can't believe I got all that done in one weekend. I sure know how to party.

Me + PMS = good god almighty!

So I'm sitting on the couch last night, minding my own business, leisurely scanning channels for something good to watch. Nope. Nope. Nope. Oh, hell. What is the point in having the de-luxe Dish Network package if you STILL can't find anything on tv?

Oooh, Bridezillas. Well doesn't that sound like fun? If you've never heard of it, it is a reality show about women planning their wedding and they've gone all psycho. At the end of the program, the actual wedding takes place. So there are two people I don't know on the tv getting married (on the TV, i said) and I am blubbering like a baby. What the ef?

So next we have the program We Lost 800 Pounds on Discovery Health. Two heavily obese women (787 pounds and 627 pounds) who end up losing 400 pounds each. These two women did not know each other, but had talked on the phone giving encouragement, etc. At the end of the show, they finally meet in person. Tears, hugs, exclamations of joy ensue. And I am blubbering like a baby. Again. Good god.

Lastly, I'm watching Plastic Surgery: Before & After. There is a woman on there with double-I breasts. Yes, that's what I said. The girl needs teflon shoulder pads to put under her bra straps so they won't cut into her. She can actually lift one boob over her shoulder. Well, she can lift both of them over her shoulder, but doing that at the same time may be hazardous to her health. She is sitting in the doctor's office with her boobies bared before her and they actually look like stretched-out pizza dough, big thick pizza dough all across her lap. And the nipple is blurred out. What the heck for? So it won't look like a real boob? Or like pizza dough with a nipple on it?

What was my point? Hmmm...oh yes, me blubbering. The lady is getting ready to be wheeled into surgery, her husband is sitting next to her and they are both terrified. The husband gulps a little and bursts into tears and hugs his wife and I'm practically collapsing in sobs. What is wrong with me? If it wasn't so pathetic, I'd be hilarious.

Soooo, I'm very much looking forward to my period this week. Anything to stop the craziness that is me crying at every lame ass tv program. Enough of that, I say. I got better things to cry over. Like, for instance, the fact there are fresh groceries in the house and now there is no excuse for me not to cook. Hmmphf.

The weekend beckons...

It is finally here -- Friday. I've been waiting for this day since, like, Sunday night.

So I kicked off this weekend about an hour early by partaking in a much-needed Mountain Dew from the bookstore next door. Ahhhh. I feel like I am in a desert and the Mountain Dew is my oasis -- it is THAT good.

As you know, I won't be back online until Monday, so here are some fun activities to do while you wait:

1) If you love cats, you must see this site. It is a riot. However, I don' t know who you have to sleep with to get your own cat posted here, as I've tried many, many times with no luck. And after reading this back to myself, it looks like I'm talking about the sleeping-with part. Heh. I'll leave it to you to decide which one is true.

2) Have you ever wanted to see Brad Pitt or Jake Gyllenhaal in their skivvies? Me too! Now you can. But then you have to dress them because that is mostly the point. I said mostly.

3) More Chuck Norris fun facts! I am not even a fan of C.N., but I find this site pee-your-pants funny.

And lastly, 4) Go to Google and type in (your name) and (looks like) in quotation marks -- example "Dianna looks like" -- and find the funniest one and post it here. Some of my faves about me:

Dianna looks like she's a man in a dress.
Dianna looks like we've caught her in a moment to herself.
Dianna looks like she is trying to fly with one arm.
Dianna looks like an easter egg threw up on her.

Tell me what you look like! That will give me something to do at work when I am pretending to work. Thank you and goodbye.

Cat fight

So, I was talking to my other cat, Chloe, last night and she was quite upset that her picture hasn't been posted on this blog yet. She said it wasn't fair that the newer cat, Alex, got his pic in first since she has been with me the longest. Something about seniority, I think. Also, Chloe mentioned something else about equal rights between men and women. I told her I wasn't discriminating and that I love her just as much as Alex -- she's like a daughter to me. I think she feels better now. Thankfully we had this conversation before she rebelled in a vomiting-slash-pooping kind of way. And now:


This is my fat cat sitting in a basket on my bookshelf. I have no idea how she got in there. It must've been quite a show of kitty acrobatics.

I have a feeling I'm going to have to post a picture of the dog, too. When Abby gets a whiff of what's going on in this blog, cat-wise, she may raise a stink. Literally.

And introducing ... me

Doesn't this picture just scream sweet and innocent? Since I had gotten up yesterday morning at the god-forsaken time of 7 a.m., I had all this extra time to kill. What to do, what to do ... why, enlist hubby for a rousing photo shoot out in the front yard, that's what!

Jerry is a photographer at heart, I tell ya. "Stand by this tree ... okay, now let's put you here in front of the house ... no, NOT in front of the faded out shutter -- you don't want that in the photo do you? Okay, now up against the porch railing ... turn around (secretly snap picture of ass) ... look over your shoulder ... Oooh, I have an idea -- let's go to the other side of the porch! Let's put this deck chair behind you to make a nice background. Wait ... what is this? A flower?! Let's take a close-up of that. Mmmm, won't that look lovely all blown-up and framed. Oh, here ... hold the flower. Ah, that's nice. Look cute, smile..." And on and on and on.

So, of course, when I go through the previews of the photos on the digital, there is not only a picture of my ass, but one of my boobies, too. How typical. I am soooo paying him back this weekend. However, crotch shots don't interest me much. I'm thinking more of a "kick back in the recliner and fall asleep with my hand down my pants a la Al Bundy" picture. Now, that is blackmail just waiting to happen!

The Hating Game

Here are a few things I hate:

1) Laundry. This is the devil's chore.

2) Dusting. Who the ef invented this one? I live out in the country, so dusting is ten times worse than anywhere else. I swear, I will dust while dust is settling back on the spot I dusted. No down-time for the dust -- or at least my dust. I have demon dust.

3) Going to the store right after work. Sometimes you just wanna go home, ya know? My hubby will call my cell phone and ask me where I'm at, and if I have my game on I will know to answer that I am way way far away from any store whatsoever.

4) Getting out of bed once I'm in bed. I've got my blankies all arranged perfectly, I'm all tucked in and comfortable, book in hand and ready to settle down and relax. Ahhhhhh. Wha..? Oh, crap. Did I lock the front door? Here I am, flinging the covers off, stomping into the living room just to see that yes, indeed, the door is locked. Hmmpf. Okay, back to the bed. Ahhhhh, that's nice. My bed is my best friend. Smiles all around. Then ... oh hell's bells. Dear daughter is hollering from her room. Ger.

"What do you need, Autumn?" Water. She needs a drink of water. I'm pretty sure her two legs work just as well as mine. But as the dutiful mother that I am, I will get the damn water. Now for bed. Me likey much. But wait...is that the dear daughter I hear, AGAIN? This time I just yell from the bed, thinking I will outsmart the situation.

"What?!" Come here. She wants me to come here. Oh good god. So now I'm very much stomping all the way to Autumn's room.

"Good night, mommy." Now, not to sound like a bad parent or anything, but couldn't she have yelled this to me instead? I would have heard it just fine from the comforts of my room. I swear, my daughter has it in for me. So, many hugs, kisses, night nights, blankies and I Love Yous later, I am finally in my bed to stay. Except now I'm too exhausted to enjoy myself. Figures.

5) Cooking. This is quite possibly the worst of the worst. I cannot cook, I make no promises about anything I do cook, and basically, if it doesn't come out of a box with pre-measured dehydrated powder and raw noodles, I'm not making it.

Which brings me to this: I once made a key lime pie from a 3-ingredient fool-proof recipie. And I screwed it up. I mixed up sweetened condensed milk and evaporated milk. Who knew there was a difference? But apparently there is because evaporated milk with lime juice tastes like chalk.

Sleepy me

I could so totally crash right now, it's not even funny. You'd think that caffeinated latte I had at lunchtime might've given me a little giddy-up, but apparently not. I believe it's nappy nappy time.

Oh wait...still at work. Ger.

Good thing I have this little bloggy-blog to keep me company. I do so enjoy chatting with my peeps (whoever they may be). I swear, I've become overly addicted to this thing. I actually think up things to talk about in the middle of the night.

Case in point: I woke up at 7 this morning (1 1/2 hours short of my proper beauty sleep requirement) and ran into the kitchen for my scrap pad to jot down a few bitties. How nerdy is that?! Ahhh, the depths I will go to for a little blog love.

But now I'm paying a wicked price. I feel a few Zzzzzzzs coming on...

What a load of scrap!

Lookie me! I made masterpieces! I am not kidding you.




I sat in the living room floor and scrapped for 5 hours last night. It was insane. Afterwards, I had a killer backache, and I whined about it endlessly. Hubby was not amused nor sympathetic. He tried to tell me it was all my fault for sitting on the hard floor for hours on end. Hmmpf.

So, kudos to Making Memories for making such mad gorgeous papers. An aqua/green/purple color combo is what all other color combos should be measured by. Or by which all color combos should be measured. Dig that proper english!

Now it is time for lunch and relaxation. Off to enjoy my favoritest coffee in the whole world -- a chocolate coconut blended latte from the bookstore next door. Yay! Good times, they are a comin'.

All things random

Some Random Facts About Me:

* I like to write words and draw shapes in my mouth using my teeth.

* I can fold my tongue backwards and it will stick to itself. Seriously. It is like magic.

* I also like to write words on my teeth using my tongue.

* I am in love with my own mouth. Apparently. (See above.)

* When someone says a word, I tend to write it with my finger onto my leg. It is hours of fun during long car rides.

* I enjoy doing the sign language alphabet while I listen to the radio. I've never met a song lyric I can't handle.

* I have a temporomandibular joint disease, which is a malady of the jaw. I think it is caused by writing and drawing shapes inside one's mouth. Or so I've been told.

* I read approximately 70 books per year, sometimes out loud and in a British accent.

* I have an aversion to going to bed early. I figure all the good stuff happens after midnight, and there's no way I'm missing any of it.

* And finally, I think I may be weird. (See above.)

Wow. This is the best list of random facts that I could think of? I am officially and seriously worried about my mental health.

Random Thought of the Day:

This was found on the internet and just about made me pee my pants.

"Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of saying sometimes corn just needs to lie down."

Muah-hah-hah!

Random Question of the Day:

What do the DMV people put down for hair color on bald peoples' driver's licenses? Is "bald" even a color? Hmmmm...

Crazy hold times

I have been sitting on hold with Norwegian Cruise Lines for a freaking HOUR!! Does anyone work there, I wonder? I swear, my ear is on fire from sticking the stupid earpiece in it for so long. Me sleepy now.

I got my scrap on!

Last night, I sat down and scrapped for hours. I couldn't wait to start using my new Tahiti kit from Basic Grey and 7 Gypsies. And dangit if I didn't use it all up! Here are two layouts for you to drool over:



For those curious among us, the photos are of my little sister -- the most beautiful-est sister on this planet -- and her boyfriend right before the Homecoming dance last year.

Which brings me to this: Where were all the cute dresses when I was in high school? I swear, I'd go to school all over again just so I could buy one.

But I digress...

I have my new Making Memories kit that I'm going to scrap with tonight. So watch for more layout pictures tomorrow. Ooh, I am such a tease...

Livin' the Amish life

The electricity went off in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. What the ef?! I can't deal with that stuff when I'm trying to sleep. I need my room to be properly lighted (by the outside streetlamp) and properly cooled and white-noised (by my awesome remote-controlled fan) in order to have a restful sleep. So the instant the electricity goes off, I wake up. Ah, crap.

So here is a list of things I learned in the middle of the night:

*Silence is not golden.

*I am unnaturally in love with my oscillating fan.

*Apparently, 5 a.m. is optimal digesting time.

*I am afraid of the dark.

*I think about the stupidest crap while waiting for electricity to come back on.

Eventually I did fall asleep, which is really like a miracle in itself. It was restless, however, because I spent a lot of time trying to find new cold spots on the bed. And yet, I still wake up a little sweaty-feeling. Eh.

Big man on a little bike...

I got my photos today from Snapfish and wanted to share this gorgeous shot of my hottie, Jerry. This motorbike is practically circus-sized. Okay, so maybe it's not that small, and maybe it looks funnier in person, but hopefully you'll get a laugh out of it anyway. I know I did.

And, as mentioned earlier, I got packages-galore from the mailman today. Three scrapbooking kits all for me! I can't wait to get started on them this evening. I'm practically peeing my pants.

I am a nerd.

On the reading front, I am about 3/4 through with Margaret Atwood's book, The Robber Bride. Lovin' it. I so enjoy my reading time. I am angry with myself for not doing it enough these days. Someone better hurry up and invent those 30-hour days -- God knows I could use a few.

It is now 5p.m. and the office is closed. I have survived another Monday. Only 4 more days now until the weekend. Yippee!

And lastly, I passed 100 hits on the blog! Granted, most of them are mine. But whatev.

Morning, Sunshines!

Ahhhhh, it's always nice to be back at work after a relaxing, wonderful weekend. Only 5 more days until the next weekend. And yes, I am counting.

I'll just be honest: I thought about this blog all weekend long. I think I may have forced my entire family to read it. I'm all about sharing the fun.

Some random comments on the weekend:

1) Pool party at mom's with the cousins!

2) I did not put on a bathing suit because I had not "organized my area." I did the armpits and legs the night before, but the rest of it is just too much trouble at 11 o'clock at night.

3) My cousin, Cindy, is "crazy-Home-Interior-Avon-sales-lady" whom I love so very, very much.....*kisses*

4) My cousin, Christie, is and will forever be 2 months older than me. Yay!

5) On Sunday, my jaw hinge crapped out on me and I couldn't eat my tator tots without turning them long-ways. And ya'll KNOW how much better TTs taste when they are vertical.

6) After a 2 hour nap, my jaw finally popped and the angels started to sing.

7) I scrapped for 3 hours or so last night. And my pages are all crap. I think I've forgotten how to scrapbook.

8) I *heart* My Fair Brady. If you can catch that show on VH1 -- do it! It's a riot.

9) The Hot Fudge Brownie Blast at Sonic is not what it is all cracked up to be. Stick with the M&M one with chocolate syrup. (Why? Because I said so, that's why.)

10) My sister needs to stop it with the cuteness! I just can't be around her anymore without feeling like a big, white, lumpy, dowdy, frumpy, spinster-ish housewife. She's dang hot and it's really messin' with my self-esteem.

And in un-related weekend news, the mailman just walked in with PACKAGES!! Yep, this Monday has suddenly got brighter.

Oh, p.s. -- thank you for all the comments. Me likey! However, I need to know who is "sdpooh"? I can't figure it out, and I don't feel like using my brain much today.

Weekend-a-go-go

I was going to leave ya'll with another awesome pic of J's boob (you know, to tide you over the weekend), but since there was barely nil response on the last one, I changed my mind. Yes, that is your punishment.

I won't be online again until Monday since we don't have the intie at home. (Do I hear a collective whine from the masses?) But rest assured, I will be back on Monday with scoop-du-jour just for you, my luvvies.

Until then, I bid you adieu ... Seacrest, out.

Work is stinky.

Ah, geez. I have been busy today and that just irritates the crap out of me. I have sooooo much goofing off to do, and this work thing just gets in the way. Ger.

So I have a cranky lady that is mad at us for the air schedule that a cruise line gave her. Now how is that our fault? Then I have a man that missed his flight and couldn't even get on the cruise and now he wants his money back. Which I understand. But he wants me to just write him a check, and it just doesn't work that way. You know, paperwork and all that.

Hmmpf. Not a great way to start out the weekend. Fridays are supposed to be easy peasy japanese-y. Something is wrong with this world.

Okay, off to fix all the crisises (or would that be crisii?). Back later to offer more delectable tidbits for which to sink your teeth into...or some crap like that.

Scrappy-do!

I finally got to scrap last night. I entertained myself for a good 3 hours and it was heaven. Here are 2 of the 3 layouts I came up with using my new kit by All My Memories. Loverly, I must say:



I'm getting another kit in the mail today. Plus some books I ordered. I love me some good mail! Not only is it Friday, which makes it a good day by default, but I get lots of pressies, too. Ah.

I'm leaving. For real this time.

Has anyone noticed that I am on this blog like all the frickin' time? I'm in full-fledged addict mode now. Trust me, the moment I disappear, you'll be missing me. So eat it up, people!

Okay, I seriously gots to scrap tonight. I haven't done it 3 days and I feel a major jones coming on. I received one of my new kits yesterday and it is mad gorgeous, so I am going to make a page for you all. I know, I know. My generosity never ceases.

To end with, here is a piccie of my baby boy, Alex. Isn't he the most precious-est kitty in the world? If it were legal to make out with your kitties, I'd so be in on that. Enjoy, lovelies, and see you in the a.m.

Where are the people?

So when I posted the nice nudey pic of my husband a couple days ago, I thought for sure someone would have something to say about it. I mean, come on, that was dang FUNNY, people. I figured at the very least, he might get a few marriage proposals. (Sorry, gals, he's mine!)

Sigh.

I challenge anyone reading this blog (and, well, frankly -- maybe you are not reading it) to leave comments for me to see. It will make me feel very good. And that will make the world a better place.

Related?

The big question of the day is...Do I belong to this family? Look how beautiful my mom and sister are -- then look at me in the middle. Hmmmm. Methinks somebody might have been adopted.

I am the one with the super dark hair (when it's not chemically-enhanced), and the super dark eyes. The super fair skin. And all those other super opposite things.

Well, now I've depressed myself.

What do ya'll think? I need some validation here! I feel like a girl without a home...

The Amazing Bearded Lady

This is a true story. I was at Wal-mart last night picking up photos, and the girl behind the counter was totally rockin' a goatee. I kid you not. I was like, damn, girl...they make creams for that. And so I couldn't stop staring at it. I was all zombie-eyed.

Now, I'm not trying to make fun of anyone here, especially girls of the hairy persuasion. I mean, in a certain light even I have the makings of a teeny 'stache. But come on! As soon as it turns freakin' BLACK and STUBBLY, it's time for a bleach or a wax or something!!

The end. No more talky talky about scary girl beards.

Oh, and in case you are curious (and you know you are), the picture below is of my husband. Yummy boobies all for me! It was taken during a rousing night of boys and muddin'. And yes - alcohol was involved. Obviously.

Nothin' like a big, white man boob...

...to bring you cheer and happiness in the morning. So alas, my dear friends, I give you this:




You're welcome.

Goodbye, children

I am staying late after work because I can't stop blogging. I swear. My OCD is kickin' in big time right now. Despite the medicine.

Guess I'll go home, ignore the kids, and scrapbook all night. They love it when I do that. Heh. Til tomorrow luvvies.

Comments, please...

Because I know ya'll want to, I fixed the "comments" section of this blog. I halfway knew what I was doing when I set this thing up ... okay, not even halfway ... but I do believe ever'thang is fine now. You do not have to log in or anything to leave me praise. Now how faint-see is that?!

By the way, in case you are counting, this makes TWO posts in one day. Uh oh. I feel another addiction coming on.

Freakin' gorgeous!

A blog would not be complete without my lovely lady ~ daughter, Autumn ~ gracing its page.

Isn't she precious? This day, back in April, we went up to mom's house and took a bunch of piccies so I could make a cool ass scrapbook.

So I ordered them yesterday and will be getting the prints soon. Can't wait! I'm getting some awesome papers in my new monthly kits so these pictures will look LOVERLY on them.

Speaking of kits, I belong to 5 freakin' kit companies. Good god. I am slightly addicted. Scrapbooking rocks! I've become completely psycho about it. We are broke and have no groceries, but somehow SOMEHOW there is magic money for scrapbooking supplies. Which basically means we will all be starving a slow, painful death, but will have pretty lovely things to look at while we wait.

Hey. I'm new.

Lookie! I have a blog!

I am just finishing up work right now, so thought I'd play a bit on the intie. Created myself a little bloggeroo. We'll see how long I can keep this up, HA!

I wonder how I'll get people to read my blog? Hmmmm....methinks that might be a challenge.