Shenanigans

Yesterday's birthday was so totally fun. Being 32 is well worth it so far. Here's my freebies:

1) A $25 gift card to Michael's from my boss. Ahhh, she knows me so well. And I know just what I'm going to get there, too (non-scrappers, tune out): a square punch and a circle punch. I want to make symmetrical shapes of patterned paper without having to measure because I am lazy. These punches are a scrapper's dream come true. (And yes, so I must have very boring dreams.)

2) A $50 gift card to Scrapbook Fever from my mom and sister. Oooh, there will be bunches of scrappy loveliness to be had this weekend, for reals. I may be in a paper coma by Saturday evening. Can't wait!!

3) Dinner at a cute little cafe in town. Mom and I were going for Mexican but the dang restaurant closed for a week. Why on my birthday, I ask you? Don't they know this is like a national holiday or something? So we ended up having a better time at the 1 Way Bakery instead. It was so cute in there, I'd swear we were in gay Paree. Except the chicken strips gave it away, I think.

4) Casino money! We hit four places and I got $10 a piece. It so totally rocked because, for once, I actually made money off their freebie. Weeeee! And then I blew it all at the last one. But whatev.

Dear mother, however, kicked slot machine booty. I think she forgot that it was my birthday or something, because ya'll know you aren't supposed to outshine the bride on her big day. Apparently, mommy spits in the face of decorum. I seriously can't take that woman anywhere.

But now it's all over. The birthday fun done left the building. It's back to a normal day of working and bidding for stuff on Ebay. Which doesn't sound all that bad, really, as I've just scored a cool idea book for 99-effen-cents! And now I feel all gooey inside.

Sigh.

The look of 32

Good morning my blog-a-licious pals! Hope ya'll are doing good today. As for me...

Well as if I haven't mentioned it enough, but for those who weren't paying any attention, today is my birthday. I am now officially of old age. But just look at this photo -- a sprightly 32 if I do say so.

I finagled my co-worker into taking this shot of me. I'm pretty sure he now thinks I am retarded.

So how to celebrate this historical day? Mom and I are going on a casino tour for free money. I'm sure it will just be a repeat of this past weekend's free money, but I'm just like a rat in a maze, peoples -- I'll keep trying and trying til' I find that cheese, dammit!

Alrighty, I've got a party to attend. My boss and co-workers brought snacks and I'm one starvin' birthday girl.

(In other words, I'll be spending the rest of the day walking around, sucking in my stomach. Ahhh, the price you pay for enjoying free food....)

Kitty Love

I wanted to start Tuesday's post with something to make you smile. Just look at this cat. What a dork.

So, do you think we've held her hostage for too long or what? Why the long-lost-love look at the front door, Chloe?

Chloe has been in indoor cat since I got her at 7 weeks old. I'm serious, this girl has stepped foot outside maybe a dozen times in her life. And doing so freaks her out a bit. She looks like deer caught in headlights when I stick her in the grass. It's like, run, go play, be free, and she's all, ef that, sucka.

But it is times like this photo here that proves maybe she isn't liking being cooped up in luxury so much after all. (And I say luxury in the loosest sense. I live in a trailer, peoples, albeit a $50,000 one.)

Anyhoo.

Now this picture of Alex may be even more hilarious. He is our outside cat. He used to be indoors until he couldn't stop peeing in the dining room. Then Jerry gave him the ol' heave-ho.

This boy was outside all day being all frisky and cute, chasing bugs and other cat-like behaviors, when I decided to call him in so we could make out.

Turns out, he's been rubbing his nose in something brown. Pray god it was good ol' wholesome dirt and not his own poop because I was totally all up in his grill. There is just something about this cat that makes me love him so.

Sigh.

Alrighty, enough of me mooning over my babies. All you dog lovers out there are probably getting your feelings hurt or something. So sorry. You will have to go make your own blog now.

Good-bye.

A little bling bling

A few things about the weekend:

1) I forced the children, yet again, into a photo shoot out in the front yard. Super fun. I've got a couple piccies to share with ya'll but I'm too lazy right now to upload them. So sorry.

2) I realized that the sound of glass breaking can wake me up out of a deep, deep sleep. I'm serious...I was dreaming all happily about little kittens, pink bows, lollipops and a little makey outey with my former paper boy, when suddenly CRACK! What the....?! And just when I was gettin' to the good part, too.

Here's what I find:

Turns out, the hubby was doing his manly duty and mowing the lawn like a good little boy when the frickin' mower chucked a rock at our front door. Well, hells bells. I got up just in time to hear the Rice Krispy sound of tinkling glass, then in one instant, the whole thing shattered all over my feet. And there is Jerry all nonchalantly still mowing the lawn as if he had no idea. Whatev. I knew it was him all along.

So we are cleaning the mess, and I get the fun part of clearing the glass out of the grout on our landing, which is so super fun because I love the sound of dirt being sucked up in a vacuum. It makes me all happy inside. Sigh.

...

...

...

Oops. Sorry about that. Lost track of myself. Back to my story.

Okay, so my silly husband decides to send all the glass down the cracks in the porch, right? And I'm like, hellloooo my handsome idiot -- the dog and cat sleep under there! I mean, this is serious shiznit. So serious, that I actually put on my under-porch-crawling gear and pick glass up myself.

(Insert collective shocked gasp here.)

I know. It is very much a historical day in the Johnston household when I'm crawling around on hands and knees in the dirt in a scary place (i.e., where the cat sometimes likes to poop) to pick up a billion shards of glass with my own naked fingers. I so deserve the town humanity award for this, my friends.

3) And finally, free casino birthday money sucks. Truly, there is no point to it if they are just going to take it back. Jerry and I were in the casino no more than ten minutes before losing it all. Well worth the gas it took to get there, I'd say.

As an added special bonus treat, here is a photo of my new bling (the good kind, not of the shattered glass persuasion):

If you can get past the milky white hand, the watch actually looks a li'l sexy on me. And the tiny diamond-y things on the side are pink. Love it. I will take a better picture later (you know, one of me all snuggly with it or something), so stay tuned for that.

Leaving work early today to partake in a bit of Junior High Volleyball Action. Dear daughters are having their first game tonight and I'm very excited. Autumn has never played an organized sport before, and if she's anything like I was as a teenager, she'll be crap at it and terrified of flying balls (teehee). So let's hope for the best and hope I'm shockingly surprised.

Late again

If I wasn't on salary, I swear I'd be rich off the overtime I work. Here it is almost 6pm and I'm just working away like I was born to do it. I'm telling you, this has got to stop. Working is one thing, but being here after closing...well, that's just unacceptable.

You see, I have this corporate client (whom I love), but the girl that schedules the travel is two time zones earlier. So therefore, when it is 5 p.m. here, they are just getting their after-lunch second wind. So here comes all the travel requests. It's like, who let the people out of their cubicles? And why aren't they this productive in the morning?

Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those nerdy people who actually like their jobs. But I like going home and sitting on the couch a little bit more. And this overtime crap is seriously encroaching on my ME time.

So now I'm out of here. Off to enjoy a little R&R. Maybe do a little fancy and hit the casino for my free $20 birthday money. Ahhhhh. How I do love my freebies....

(In case you didn't catch that subtle hint - it is my birthday next Wednesday. There has got to be some kind of consolation for turning 32...a heavily loaded gift card, mayhaps?)

Later, ya'll.

Good times all around

So last night, my boss and fellow co-workers went out to dinner at one of the casinos here in town. It was all good because 1) it was fancy and 2) it was free. Chalk another one up for Take Out Girl! Weeee!

Anyway, I thought the dinner was only for a little celebration since we've all been working like dogs and making lots of money or something. But no. It was even better.

My boss presented me with a little token of her appreciation for my loyalty, faithfulness and hardworking determination I've exuded the past 10 years. (I'm sorry...what?) The token -- an effen diamond watch, peoples! Holy schnikies!

I look so fancy now with my wrist all blinged up the way it is. I was walking out of the casino with my hand all fluttering around my face as if to say lookie me and my brand new sparkly watch. Heheh.

And second awesome-est thing to happen to me -- today is my and Jerry's 6th month dating anniversary. I told Jerry about it and wished him happy anniversary and he looked at me as if I was retarded. He said dating anniversaries don't count. Excuse me?! What kind of convoluted philosophy is this crap? I'm sorry, I love this man, but he just needs to rethink his ideals because they are whack. Freakin' caveman.

(Whom is the best darn caveman on the face of this earth.)

(He's not reading this, is he? No? OK.)

Freakin' caveman.

Alright, gotta get back to bidding on every dang scrapbook item Ebay's got. So far, I'm winning about 6 things. Only 50 more pages of schtuff to go. Yay!

In other news...

Okay, I have four things to divulge. Hope you likey:

1) I got my cholestoral screening back from the lab today. Apparently, I'm gonna LIVE! For those who must know (and I'm sure that is pretty much all of you), my total cholestoral is 157. You have no idea what this means to this heart-obsessed gal. Seriously. But that's a whole 'nother story right there.

2) I took my car into the shop and asked them about my pancake of a tire. The dude said I did not have "road hazard" on my tires -- whatever the hell that is. So I gave him a little looksie with my eyes, and then he buckled under the weight of my lusty glare and got me a new tire for $35. Damn, I'm good.

(I'm pretty sure he wasn't going to give me the $35 tire anyway. It was my eyes that did it, and that will be the story until the day I die.)

3) I have layouts -- four of them to be exact. I did them all last night and I can't decide which ones are more worthy to be posted, so dang it if I'm not going to post them ALL! This is almost the last of my "Fashion Sense" kit from Coordinates Collection. Feast your eyes on these beauties:


Okay, the above is my mother back in June when I snapped this picture while she was talking to my Aunt Sharon. I think she was getting frustrated because I wouldn't leave her alone. But look at this result. Worth it? Indeed.

And just so you know, "True Luv" stands for the fact that my mother is my first true love. For reals, ya'll. She rawks.

Next up is my lovely sister looking all luscious in black and white:

I've been reading Ali Edwards's book (Scrapbooking with Patterned Paper), and this is kind of what transpired. I think I love it.

Alrighty, this next one is of me looking all contemplative and thoughtful. But really it was all staged. Right before this picture I was being all tipsy on pina coladas and fireworks. I am such a good poser it's not even funny. See:

This one was inspired a li'l by Elsie Flannigan, my all-time scrapbooking hero. (I've mentioned that before, haven't I?) I can't be completely all freestyle with my layouts because my brain is a little too linear for that. So this is the best I can come up with.

And lastly, my daughter. I kind of like this one:

Dig those pearl brads, man. Classy. And so I could go on and on and on about how beautiful Autumn is and how lovely she looks in the photos and how much she takes after me (ha!), but I won't. My hands are cramping up now, and I need to save me strength for my last bit of news.

But before I get to that, I wanna take a poll -- which layout is your favorite? Don't know why it matters; it just does.

4) I saved the best for last, peoples. Here goes:

MY BROTHER AND HANNAH ARE HAVING A BABY!!

And this means, I am going to be a real full-blooded auntie! I am super excited and trying very hard not to wet myself. So cool.

Alright -- so this post is about eons too long, and I apologize if you've fallen asleep already. But wasn't it totally worth it like I said? I think yes.

From me to you

A gift -- a little something pretty to look at -- and I do it all for you because that's how I roll. (Or perhaps so you can't tell me I never give you stuff because the proof is right here.)

My darling girl looking all cute and posing on a bridge near our house. I hope Autumn never tires of me dragging her to weird places so I can take her picture. So far so good, though. Stick a camera in her face and she instantly hits model mode. It's actually a little freaky. It's like, frown, whine, ignore me and then ... ooh, helllloooo camera so nice to see you! Weird.

This photo was taken this weekend when Autumn had her friend, Breanna, stay over. And yes, Breanna got wrangled into the photo shoot as well. Gotta get proof Autumn has friends ya know.

Oooh, I'm feeling a little scrap inspiration right about now. Good thing it is almost September and therefore new kits will be forthcoming. Weeee!

Got other news to share, but it will be after lunchtime. But trust me, you will want to know! Stick around.

Holy schnikies, Batman!

I've surpassed 1,000 hits on this thing. What's the deal with that, man? I am like a famous person and you all are my stalkarazzi. So rad.

I'm even going to do ya'll a favor and not talk about scrapbooking today. I feel kind of bad that all I've done lately is went on and on and on about layouts and kits and nakey roll-arounds in a big pile of paper...well, no more! At least for today anyway. Tomorrow...well, I'll just be honest -- it's a crapshoot.

And now, presenting an Eventful Morning:

Had a little doctor's appointment at 8 a.m., which is practically the crack of dawn, but I like to get these things done before work so I don't feel too guilty and my boss won't give me the evil eye all day. Anyhoo, no big seriousness, just a check up and to get a new prescription for my "crazy head" meds, as my husband so eloquently puts it. Here are a couple of things I've discovered about myself:

a) I have surprisingly low blood pressure in the morning. It was 90/64, which is practically comatose compared to what my bp is in the evening (after work, no doubt). When the nurse told me what it was I about fell off the exam table. I'm like, pinch me because I think I may be dead.

b) I weigh 6 pounds more than this time last year, which is still one pound lighter than what I was when I was pregnant with Autumn. Haha, take that crap-hole medicine that makes me fat! I win.

c) I do not pass out when I get my blood drawn on an empty stomach. This may seem weird to some of ya'll because who really passes out when getting blood drawn? Well, I've came darn close when 1) getting my navel pierced, 2) when getting my Hepatitis vaccine, and 3) when I was trying to stick my own finger to get my blood type in high school Biology. All fun times.

Oh, and for my mom who is no doubt reading this, I have not had a relapse back into Hypochondria Land, I swear. The doctor was just getting blood to check my cholestoral to make sure I'm not clogging my arteries up with bean dip.

Alright, fine.

I insisted he do the cholestoral check. But whatev.

So walking out of the doctor's office toward my car, there is only one thing and one thing only on my mind: who the hell peed on my front tire? Seriously. It was all up on that thing. And so I kind of threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Get home and just had about 5 minutes to kiss hubby good morning and feed the cats. And then I'm backing out of the driveway and things are going a little rocky. I'm wondering if I ran over Autumn's volleyball or something.

Turns out, I have an extremely flat tire. Yes, the one of the pee. Hmmm, a conspiracy? Mayhaps.

Current status: riding low on my side while the passenger side is flying in the wind on the big-ass Monster Truck spare tire I have. Where did this thing come from I ask you? And now I get to spend my lunch hour, my own personal quality time in which to commune with a chocolate coconut blended latte, at the tire-gettin-place to see if I can finagle a freebie. It may involve showing some leg.

I will keep you informed.

A scrap miracle?

Okay, I spent hours on Friday night trying to work a miracle. I took those crappy layouts I did and did a little fixer-upping. I am going to show you two (as an extra special added bonus treat!). I did three, but the last one was virtually hopeless. Ah, well. Can't be perfect all the time, right?

First up is this one of Paige. I added the letters at the bottom that were not a part of the kit, but I think they matched pretty well. Look:

Eh. Still not wowed but this was the best I could do. Perhaps I've overcome scrap adversity...perhaps not.

Next is probably my favorite out of the three, but that's not saying much. Tell me what you think:

So I scrounged up a little cardstock scraps from my stash so I could make some handy little journaling strips. I am still not super impressed with my skills here. However, I think I'm going to blame it on the kit. Because that's how I do.

And now, as an extra extra special added bonus treat, I have one more layout. Same kit but different line of papers. Here we go:

Feel free to scraplift, ya'll, although I don't know why you would.

I irritate myself. Ger.

So, hope everyone's weekend was fun. Mine was full of slumber parties. (Okay, one girl stayed one night, but that is plenty, thank you very much.) I did get to scrap and read and watch lots of DVR and take naps, so it was rather eventful for me I must say. The only drawback is that my husband took half his paycheck and bought a hunting rifle on Friday. So now I get to figure out a way to make negative $31.83 to last for two weeks.

Hmmpf. I've already failed.

I suck.

I was all excited about a little free time to scrapbook last night. So I broke open one of my kits and set to work.

Eh.

I am like the worst scrapbooker ever.

I was going to post pictures of them, but I can't bring myself to do it quite yet. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.

So it looks as if I am going to have to tool around and see if I can't make them better. Because, seriously, they are crap. This kit company doesn't send out cardstock with their patterned paper -- what kind of massive scrappin' faux pas is that? Cardstock is the meat and potatoes, man. It is the peanut butter to the patterned papers' jelly. You cannot have one without the other, as I have discovered on my own last night. A layout without cardstock is a disaster waiting to happen, lemme tell ya.

Okay, sorry non-scrappers -- new topic for you:

I read in Yahoo! News today that TiVo won a lawsuit against EchoStar that forces Dish Network to disable their DVR players because of something to do with patent infringement, yada yada blah blah blah. All I have to say about this is...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I LURVE my DVR -- I mean really. It is the bestest investment I have ever made (well, only $6 a month, but still...). I will be heartbroken, literally shattered to a billion pieces, if the DVR has to go bye-bye. This may seem unnatural to some of you, but those who have a DVR know exactly what I'm saying.

Alrighty, on that high note, I'll say goodbye. So glad we've had this time together today and that I could bring ya'll happy news with which to start your weekends. Despite all that, try to have a little fancy anyway. Kisses!

Two for you

Okay, I know ya'll worried yourselves sick thinking I had forgotten to post my 3 Bugs in a Rug layouts I mentioned yesterday. So sorry. But worry no more because I give you:

You probably can't see the photo too well in the above layout (unless you click on it), but that is dear daughter wearing her new bowling outfit. Yes, she put it together all by herself. Shiny shirt, frilly skirt, and a lamewad pair of jeans. Lord knows how long she stood in front of the closet thinking up this beauty.

Okay, next up:

I colorblocked this layout because I was too lazy to think of anything original. However, not too shabby if I do say so. And I do! There is something to say about colorblocking -- no effort required; striking results. Weeeee!

I did not scrapbook last night as I was just plain exhausted. Maybe tonight, as I have a whole 'nother kit I've yet to crack open.

Hmmm...carpal tunnel is acting up. I knew I injured myself with the Sign Language game! That'll show me to be so incredibly dexterous. (Or "skillful in the hands" to you laypeople.)

Oooh, lunchtime.

Driving hazards

I about gave myself carpal tunnel in the car by playing the Sign Language game on the way home last night.

The object of this game is to sign as many written road signs as possible. Like if it says "Speed Limit," I sign it. There isn't really a time limit or anything. Or really even a quota. And, well, basically there is no point to it. But it's dang fun.

And I do the old school signing, too -- the alphabet version. I don't mess with the mansy pansy nancy boy "one sign per word" crap. I go all out and do one sign per letter per word, and that makes me special. And therefore, ready to accept my trophy.

The end of freedom

Today, I am officially the mother of a 7th grader. AAAHHHH! I must breathe...

Seriously, where has the time gone? And where did my tiny baby go?

Okay, I must calm myself down now. This isn't even the big one. In a couple more months, Autumn will be a teenager, and then I might have to heavily medicate myself.

The picture here was taken this morning. Autumn's look says something along the line of "I love my mommy." Either that or hurry up and take the dang picture before the bus comes by and sees you in your pajamas. Not exactly sure, but I'm going with the first one. It seems much more likely.

I was a mad scrappin' fool last night. I did 5 or 6 layouts with my new 3 Bugs in a Rug kit. I will post a couple later for you to ooh and aah over. Oh, trust me, you will.

Must do some work now. People need "stuff." Eh. Whatever.

I'm a scrappin' machine!

So here is proof of the fun I had this weekend:

The above is my favorite. It is so simple but yet reveals so much of my creativity. Ha! Anyway, for those curious, the "sun" in the corner is a rub-on (ooh, kinky), and I doodled the butterfly's flight path all by myself. Just looking at this layout makes me smile. I am good.

Okay, next up is my darling cat, Alex. I love this boy soooo much. We's best buddies:

Can get an "awwwww" from the people?! I can't believe I got this perfect shot. He just plopped right under the tree and held still for me while I shoved the camera in his face. Then he proceeded to bite the hell out of my hand. God, I love him.

Next layout is one of the girls on 4th of July:

Lately, I'm all about simplicity for some reason. The most tiresome bit of this page was stamping the title on the side. Now the only complaint I have on this is that most of my 2-photo layouts end up with this same general idea -- one picture higher than the other placed in the center of the page. I need to come up with something new, I know. Maybe I will brainstorm someday. Or maybe not. Depends on how much I really care about it. And right now...ummm, not so much.

Lastly, another layout of my sister and how much I love her and think she rocks. You might say I'm addicted to this girl. She has monopolized her fair share of my scrapping supplies. I do believe a rebate check is in order:

The photo is darker than I wanted, but it is so totally kick ass anyway that I had to scrap it. Not such a simple page this time as I actually took some time out to distress the chipboard letters with sandpaper. I KNOW...genius right?

Note to Katy -- after all this oohing and aahing I've done over you, I think I'm ready for a comment or two. It's the least you could do (after the rebate check, of course) for my giving you your props. Thank you. That is all.

More crafty bits coming up tomorrow. I got two kits in the mail yesterday and I'm dying to get my scrap on. But what else is new?

Stuff I did

Is it Monday already?

So, as you all know it was Jerry's birthday on Friday (and Autumn's dad's birthday too...freaky). And what do we do to celebrate? Here's the list:

1) I allowed Jerry to choose the restaurant. He picked Chinese, which was good because I was so hungry! My stomach practically ate itself. Thank god for buffets, ya know?

2) Went to two casinos to get free birthday money. Got $10 in each place and blew it all in a mere 5 minutes. Jerry would not let me get more money out of the ATM. He is the devil.

3) As punishment, I fell asleep at 10:45. Which hasn't happened in like 2 years or something. Mwahhahaah. I showed him.

Saturday was a better day. After I slept for 12 hours, I felt like a brand new woman. I am an Olympic sleeper, seriously. I loves me some nap time!

Anyway, we didn't really do anything in the afternoon. It was a rather lazy day. Then Jerry ends up going to some dude's birthday party and left me on my own for 7 hours. Here is how I lived it up:

1) Scrapbooked for 4 hours. My back spasmed for 4 more.

2) Read 60 pages in a book.

3) Watched some DVR shows -- My Fair Brady finale, I Wanna Be a Soap Star finale, and the latest episode of Project Runway, which is like the best show on tv right now.

Sunday, Jerry and I went to the movies. We saw "World Trade Center" which was very good and so, so sad. I bawled like a baby, but quietly as I didn't want to embarrass myself. After the movie, I asked Jerry if he cried and he said no. What?! Did I marry a robot?

And finally, after what seemed like lightyears, my dear daughter came home from her Florida trip. She had a great time and I am so happy she got to go. But my dreams of a loving reunion were shot all to hell. I went in for a cuddle and was turned down flat, and instead, offered a reluctant cheek in which to plant my hello kiss. Autumn's not much for making out with dear ol' ma, I guess. Crap.

And get this: Jerry tried to pull the Jedi mind tricky on me by trying to make me feel guilty for not whipping up a batch of tea on Sunday, because, after all, he cleaned the entire house on his birthday. Oh, I'm sorry, didn't you say Friday was just another day? Too bad. I call 'em like I see 'em.

(And he made the tea. Yessss.)

Treats for you

Let's start the weekend off right, shall we? It's a Layout Bonanza -- check it out:

The above is from the elusive July kit from Little Red Scrapbook. Well worth the wait, I think. Sassafras Lass is kick ass. (Ha ha!)

Next up is the very last layout I could make with the Mosh Posh kit. This paper is all my leftovers. I do believe I am a genius with the scraps. Here's proof:


And last but certainly not least, the masterpiece I made with the newest kit I've received. I thought I'd be "scrapbookingly correct" and match my photos with my paper -- hence all brown. See:

The journaling on this one is super mushy and deserving of some Autumn-love. Or at least an award of some kind. Either way.

Alrighty, my babies, off to celebrate a birthday. Have a little fancy in your weekend, too, why dontcha?

Birthday boy

Today is my husband's 34th birthday. And in honor of his special day, I had a dream about my ex-husband.

Good god. That's the last time I have bean dip before bedtime.

Last night I ask Jerry what he would like to do tonight to celebrate. He said his birthday is just another day. I'm sorry...excuse me?! I hope he abandons this philosophy when MY birthday rolls around. Because if he forgets, I'm gonna have to punch him in the kidney (or thereabouts -- maybe a little more towards the front and in the center).

So this morning he sees a commercial for the movie Beerfest. Seriously Jerry -- a movie about beer? I may have to put the kibosh on that. We will, instead, do what I want to do for Jerry's birthday. 'Cause that's how I roll. The end.

Psycho piano

Ssshhhh. I am reveling in the peace and quiet. No more talky talky. Just silence, please.

This morning, while I'm trying to conduct some very important business (i.e. playing on the internet), the new tenants next door -- this so-called "harp and piano store" -- decide to crank up the tunes on their upright. And while a tiny bit would be alright, but this was so not a tiny bit. It was a full on Liberace-Jerry Lee Lewis-Beethoven Extravaganza. And not in a good way. (Duh.)

We even bribed the boss's husband to go over there and tell them to shut the ef up, but obviously they pay no heed to subtle hints and continued to cause severe damage to my ear holes. Ger.

And while I'm not a total bitch and can appreciate their dilly-o, I was trying to work over here and could not surf internet probably as I was all distracted. And that just won't do. What is the point of being an office if you can't be an office in silence? Did I sign on for the concert next door? Methinks not.

But now they've all left for lunch and I'm taking advantage of these few short moments. I'm practically napping it's so quiet in here. So excuse me while I enjoy myself for a li'l bit. Ahhhhhh.

Mmmm...scrappiness

Are ya'll ready? Okay, I give you:

The above is the Golden Haze collection from Cherry Arte. It is really the only one I ended up liking. And it's barely got anything on it. Hmmm. I must be getting simple-minded in my old age.

Now, these next three are from A2Z Essentials Art Box line. Eat it up. That's all I have to say about that:

This one below is my fave. I did a little scraplift, which I hate to admit because it is so awesome and I want everyone to think I came up with the idea. But that is not fair. Dang my honesty. Sometimes having morals just plain sucks.

And lastly, this beauty right here is of my little sister, Katy. I titled it "I Look Up To You" not because, technically speaking, she is looking up to me in the photograph, but because I seriously look up to her. Even though she's younger. How'd she manage that Jedi mind tricky?

Oh, and the Katy-tribute page was inspired a li'l by Elsie Flannigan. Her fun-ness rubbed off on me, I think. Either that or I'm going all Single White Female on her ass.

For these and more layouts that I was just too lazy to post, go here. Go ahead. Go now. You know you want to.

Some Elsie love

Had a great trip to Branson this weekend. Except for the 104-degree heat, the fact that Cold Stone Creamery ran out of bottled water and was forced to drink lukewarm tap, and the scary psycho rainstorm on the drive home, a great time was had by all.

The Titanic exhibit was awesome. The building itself was shaped like the ship. Super cool. Here is a picture. Not of the Titanic but of me, mom and Katy outside the Uptown Cafe where we had lunch. I'm the dumbass wearing jeans:

Thank you to the kind stranger who took this photo of us and did not decide to steal my camera instead. Bless you.

But the best part of the whole day was the visit with my scrapping dream come true, my lesbian crush, Elsie Flannigan. Here we are making out:

I was so dang excited about meeting Elsie that I forgot to suck in my stomach. Oh well, this baby still gets blown up to 5 x 7.

So now I'm pretty sure Elsie and I are dating.

And because I'm an equal opportunity Elsie-sharer, here is the photo I allowed for Katy:

Awww...how cute. Now get your hands off my girlfriend.

Next up, LAYOUTS!! You won't want to miss these treasures, so stay tuned.

Effen spammers...

For the life of me, I can't figure out why anyone would want to post their crappy spam on my blog. But alas...

So I've added a 'word verification' thingy on the comments section. Now when you leave a comment, you will have to do an extra step. But don't let that deter you, please. Let's consider it a fun little exercise in which to work out your brain. Trust me, your brain will thank you.

Pictures coming up for you today, dearies. I've got a tech working at my desk right now because -- surprisingly -- only MY computer is still broken. Why me? It's a puter rebellion, I tell ya.

Office Hell

Care for a nightmare? Come by my office for a visit, why dontcha? I've got shiny, new nightmares by the dozen all ready for a new home.

So here's the scoop:

Internet has been down for 2 days. Well, actually since Friday evening, but just 2 work days. And the dingbats they've sent to fix it all have their thumbs up their ass or something. I'm sorry -- did you say you were from the Redneck Auto Emporium and Internet School of Fixin' Stuff? Ummmm ... I'll pass.

Seriously, it has been hellish. I've felt like someone has chopped off my hands and took out my brain. Just helpless. But I will say this -- I am now a whiz at Spider Solitaire. Yes.

I have some lovely pictures to post, but I'm just too dang tired right now. The internet guy just left and we finally have service, but it is almost 6 p.m. and half-past nappy time.

I've missed ya'll and so glad that you've stuck around despite my 2 day hiatus. It was a vacay not worth having. I gulp when I say this, but I'd much rather be working than twiddling thumbs. Computers are the devil (except when I'm playing on them -- then we's best friends).

So stick around, will ya? You won't want to miss my delectable scrappy bits, trust me. Til' tomorrow my patiently-awaiting blogheads. Love you!

A worldly woman

Well, we've gone and done it. Today, I sent my dear daughter on her very first grown-up vacay. Granted, it wasn't with me nor was it alone and it wasn't to some sophisticated place like New York City or Washington DC, but let's just do baby steps first, shall we?

Autumn is traveling to Florida, land of sunshine, palm trees and Universal Studios...weeee! She is going with her dad and family, and all I have to say to that is Good Luck To Ya! I have no guarantees that she will be on her best behavior, especially because she is almost 13, she is traveling with her two younger sisters, and she is a bit of a drama queen.

I have no idea where she gets that from.

Ahem...anyhoo...

Autumn will be gone a whole 10 days. And as much as she irritates the crap out of me sometimes, I do believe I will miss her like holy heck. However, souvenirs best be forthcoming. A wardrobe isn't complete without a Looney Toons fanny pack and an Incredible Hulk sun visor, I always say.

On a side note, I know ya'll are beside yourselves with the fact there are no scrapbook layouts with which to ogle and drool over. Trust me, I am dying inside myself! I was forced, against my will, to help my daughter with laundry and packing, which in turn disrupted my creative time and threw off my groove.

However, Monday is another day. I got my first August kit in the mail today, PLUS I am going to meet Elsie this weekend, so the scrap juice should be flowin' rather well, I'd say. Stay tuned, people and prepare yourselves....

I can see clearly now...

...my kit has come! Little Red Scrapbook has finally FINALLY mailed out their July kit. What a relief -- all my stress has officially just melted away. Bliss.

How nerdy of me to get all worked up about a missing kit. I know, I need to get a life or sumpin' like it. But just go with me for a li'l bit, people.

And the papers are gorge! So adorable and delicious. Take a looksie:

See what I mean? It's fun on paper! I may have to strip down and roll around in it. A little nakey paper lovin', mayhaps? I think yes.

By the way, for my fellow nerds, this is Sassafras Lass's Sew Fine line. Go getcha some! And stay tuned because scrap love is forthcoming, no doubt. And possibly a bit of a wee in my pants.

More kit news -- August is chock full of goodness! I will be receiving kits from the Cherry Arte Golden Haze line, some Creative Imaginations, A2Z Essentials Art Box line, SEI Doodley Doo Girl, some lovely Chloe's Closet, and this fantastically purple and teal creation by 3 Bugs in a Rug! Ahh, be still my heart...

Okay, last scrap-related thing, I promise:

Sunday, mom, Katy and I are going to Branson to see their new Titanic attraction, and on the way home we are stopping in Springfield to see Miss Elsie Flannigan at her book signing party! I can hardly stand the wait. She is my favorite-est scrap idol ever and practically a celebrity, although no one who doesn't scrap wouldn't know her from a hill of beans.

But I love famous people of all kinds because I believe in equality. (Insert American Presidential-type music here.) My policy is no one famous person must be more special than another famous person. They are all people, HUMAN people, in my eyes, and worthy of all the love and stalking I can provide.

(Shut up, brain.)

Alright, got to get to work. I have some customers who "need stuff" although I believe that is code for "interrupting my ME time." Bye, bye darlings!

This post may cause mild irritation

I was at the ATM last night behind some ol' broad just waiting ... waiting ... waiting for my turn. And, well, I learned a little something about myself: I am so very easily irritated. There is probably a class I need to take somewhere that will help me deal with my "issues" but I don't have the patience for that either.

I mean, come on, lady! It's not a Russian aeronautical command center -- it's an ATM. Push the button, get your money and go. A trained monkey could do it.

Which brings me to three other things that I find highly obnoxious:

1) Gaining weight from drinking lattes. What the buggering bollocks is that all about? I have a real problem with this. My fat jeans have suddenly become just my jean jeans.

2) Cake with no icing on it. WTF? Don't tell me you made cake if you aren't putting icing on it. I'm sorry, what you've actually made is bread. To recap: cake minus icing = no effen thank you.

3) Incorrect drive-thru orders. How hard is this really? Read the little ticket and put the food in the bag. Last time I checked, "taco" was not spanish for "burrito bell grande." However, there is a loop-hole: if I order the 79 cent taco and you accidentally give me the $2.99 big honkin' nacho...well, then that is okay and all is forgiven.

Well, crap on a cracker...

Here's something fun: Rediscovering the reason why I stopped wearing a particular shirt. Here is something not so fun: The actual reason.

You know, I thought I'd shake things up a bit, breathe a little spice into my life if you will, and wear something that has been hanging untouched in my closet for like two years. I mean, after two years of not wearing something, it automatically becomes new again, right?

So imagine my surprise when after a couple of hours, and then like repeatedly clockwork-ish, the shirt reminded me why it has been languishing on a hanger for so long.

Yep, my boobies just needed a breath of fresh air. Rousing game of Peek-a-Boob, anyone?

The shirt is one of those stretchy types that make one think they can wear a medium when one clearly cannot. So in my defense, if I wasn't so hefty in the chesty, I wouldn't have had this problem.

Blast.

Alrighty, so the shirt is relegated to the back of the closet once again. Until the next time I forget.