And now, Something Exciting

First of all, I want to say that I am the most dedicated person ever on the planet. Out of the three employees who live 15 minutes out of town, I am the only one to show up for work today. The roads are covered in ice, and there is no such thing as a salt truck or road plow out in the country, so you can imagine the peril I put on my life this morning. But alas, I am here. Because I am the best darn person that ever lived. And if that doesn't deserve a raise or something in the form of a gift card, I don't know what will.

And now for the excitement:

A dude came into the office today asking about cruises. He was not an attractive dude; he actually looked a little bit on the space-cadet side. You know, as if he had his daily dose of weed and a beer bong for breakfast. But I digress. Anyhoo... I'm talking about cruises and giving him brochures to look at, when out of the flippin' blue he asked me if I was about 21 years old. Excuse me, wha...? What the freak does that have to do with buying a cruise, I ask you? And hell no, I'm not 21 and I'm not retarded enough to believe I actually look like I can be. What's this guy's trip?

So I tell him I am 32. And he flipped the ef out. "No way, are you a momma?!" Good god. Did the travel agency become some sort of chick pick-up joint and no one told me? I'm like thinking in my head, Here's your damn brochure, now get the hell out. Seriously. I was so bored of that whole situation as soon as he asked me my age. I was pretty much on travel-agent auto-pilot from that point on.

However, I did learn two very important things that I will pass on to you in case you may benefit from my newfound wisdom:

1) If you are going to go out picking up on the ladies, comb your effing hair.

2) And do not wear a sweat suit.

Amen.

So yes, my friends, that is what happens in my life when I yearn for something exciting. I get hit on by crackheads. Urgh.

But here is really good news: I get to leave work early today! Yep, apparently icy roads keeps customers from coming in the building. (Except for the crackhead, who was obviously high and didn't know any better.) Weeee!

I go now.

A cold mofo

Oh no. It's here. The devil called Winter. I suppose I should just accept it, but dadgum. Why be all beautiful and balmy and blue skies and LOVE over Thanksgiving break just to freakin' take it all away?

In short:

I hate cold weather. I hate rain. I hate snow.

I love ... well, everything else. Except for tornadoes. And heat that melts your eye makeup right off your face. But whatev.

Currently, we are under a Winter Storm Warning. On the agenda for this evening is ice, sleet and psycho level snow -- which is snow anywhere over 1 inch deep. Anything bigger than that is just plain ate up with the craziness. Gaaaahhhhhh! Not ready. Not ready. Not ready.

The end.

Okay, so basically I have nothing exciting to say today. So sorry. I am just too seasonally depressed to think of anything witty and/or interesting. I'll try for better tomorrow. Until then ... xoxo my lovelies!

I am anti-work week

There is only one thing to say about coming back to work after a 4 day weekend...

Gaaahhhhhhh!

I swear I'm having a cold sweat. Oh, weekend, why you mislead me so?

Hope er'bodies T-day went well. I went to my brother's house where his fiance, Hannah, one-upped me in the housewife department. The damn woman cooked the entire frickin' dinner, ya'll. Crap. I am officially the family loser.

However, I did contribute. I made a Jell-O cheesecake that I whipped up in 5 minutes the night before. But get this: I hate cooking so much that I actually bought a ready-made graham cracker crust because I didn't feel like making the one that came in the cheesecake box. I believe I've hit a new low...but man, there's no cooking down here, so I think I'll stay awhile...weeeee!

Okay.

On Saturday, my pal, Stacy, and I went to a club. I haven't done this in like six years or so, and I was afraid I had forgotten how to dance or something. As if my inner-Carlton was about to bust out. Yikes. But, hahahahaha! I showed 'em all up. Let's just say I've got the music in me and leave it at that, shall we?

I also did some scrapping. I made a couple of masterpieces. Thought I'd make it a little spicy and did some 12 x 12s. Here they are. Watch your drool.

(Yes, I'm being lazy today. I think that's allowed after work selfishly taking my weekend away from me. Urgh.)

And now...some reality. My corporate customer just sent me seven frickin' e-mails. Unnnnhhhhhh. My brain hurts.

Some photo-liciousness...

...to help pass the time. I know, I know, my dears. I will be missing from action for four whole days. What are ya'll gonna do without your daily blog love? I dunno, it'll be a toughie, for reals. So here's some piccies to help heal your heart while I'm away:

First up is my darling daughter. I just love capturing funny faces when they don't know I've got the camera. I think this one will be placed in the bribery file for future use. I'm pretty sure it will yield quite a bargaining price, especially when dealing with boyfriends. I feel a lifetime of free massages in my future. Weeee!

Next up, my sister the Supa-Stah! Doesn't she look so groooovy and cool? I swear to god, I got shorted a few gems from the gene pool, because I never looked this adorable when I was her age. Unless you count gigantic eye glasses with tiny stickers in the corner adorable. Hmmmm. Really? Well, I'm not surprised. I suck.

I sooooo love this next picture. Autumn can be such a cute, sweet, funny girl when she wants to be. This is her smooching on an olive and sporting a hot, messy bun. And yes, I'll take pictures of just about anything. Amen.

And now we have a slightly drunk...er, very happy...me. This was mom's Labor Day party, sitting out by the pool, having some mudslides. Yay! Me + drinky = cute picture taking opportunity including extended pinky finger ala proper British chick at tea time.

(What the freak did I just say? Nevermind.)

And lastly, I leave you with some beautiful to look at. I lurve this girl. She makes my heart feel good. And I swear, if any of you little boys out there break my baby's heart, I will scratch your eyes out. I'm serious.

Okay, my bloggerazzi, I am outta here. Hope ya'll have a great holiday. Back on Monday for all the gory details! xoxo

Thanksgiving treat

I've got two layouts for you! Oh, yes, I certainly DO know how to take care of my peeps! You silly beggars, heheh.

These two were created with the new Piggy Tales Frog Prince collection. For those that care. (I.e., all of you. Don't deny your inner-scrapper, my friends.)

This first one is of my adorable kitty who is in kitty heaven and missed by me every day:

Man, there went my heart...

Okay, the last one is of me, Katy and Bryan at Katy's 17th birthday. Yes, I'm the old hag on the end. Urgh. I swear if I don't get cuter soon, I may have to kick somebody in the throat.

That's it. No more scrappy-do. Now you can relax and go enjoy your Thanksgiving properly.

Good-bye.

True story

Seeing my mother without her makeup and hair done is about as elusive as seeing a giant hairy sasquatch watching tv in your living room. Seriously. That chick won't go anywhere without the proper things in place. She kind of cracks me up, but then again, that means I am always the fat, pale, dowdy girl walking next to her all the time. Hmmmpfh. I may have to find new friends.

And let the week begin

But only because it's a three day-er. Hahaha! This is really the only reason November has a good side -- that dang four day weekend, ya'll. Weeeee! Other than that, well it can go straight to hell.

Okay.

I am in charge of the office today since the boss is in Mexico, and lemme tell ya, I feel a major goof-off coming on. Which, as you all know, is totally way different from all my other hard-working, paying-attention, 100% full-on travel agent days.

Jerry got off easy this weekend, by the way. I bought a sweater at Kohl's and that was it. His paycheck has been spared. This time. I mean, I suppose you could say I had a stroke of responsibility hit me on Friday and I decided to pay bills with the money. But let's face it, it was primarily because I couldn't find anything else I wanted to buy. Just keeping it real, my friends. Just keeping it real.

Ooooh, lunch. Tootles!

Something I learned today

Never, ever ever wear large underpants with baggy jeans. Trust me on this one. May you benefit from my wisdom.

Amen.

Two days in a row...

...that's a record, now, isn't it? Seems like that lately, anyway. I wanna apologize for being a bad blogger. I know ya'll have to get your fix, and I'm just like a candy stealer, holding all the goodies from my babies. So sorry. I will try to do better.

Any hot plans this weekend? Nothing much here except my husband has gone on a hunting trip so I'm thinking up all kinds of cool ways to spend his money while he's out. Here are a few ideas:

1) Shopping. You can never go wrong with shopping. I know I just went last weekend, but dammit, that was with my money so it's hardly the same thing. Plus, with Jerry's money, I can buy big-ticket items. Save my own flow for the cheap stuff. I do like to play fair, my friends.

2) Hmmm. Weird. I can't think of anything else. Shopping it is, then!

I am so sleepy today! I need to stop scrapbooking in the middle of the night, I guess. That, or else I need to stop DVR-ing every dang program known to man. Seriously. I recorded that flippin' Barbara Walters dealie on tv last night. What the freak for, man? I don't watch Barbara Walters, nor do I care about her 30 mistakes in 30 years. I am just a DVR junkie, plain and simple.

One word about the Dancing in the Stars finale on Wednesday. My poor poor Mario! I wanted him to win so bad. Now don't get me wrong; Emmitt Smith has his own cuteness going on. But I just got sucked in by Mario's dimples. And his swiveling hips. And his Latino hotness.

Sigh.

Anyway, I suppose that is what I get for not voting. It's all my fault. I am a loser.

Check this out: Right outside my office window this very second -- I mean, this absolute minute right now, there are camera crews setting up to video tape country singer, Keith Anderson's, latest video "Podunk." And I see some cute roadies, too, so travel agent work has been shot all to hell.

Keith is from my hometown, and as a gesture of downhome goodness, he decided to film the video for his new song right here. I'm trippin'! Of course, I don't know Keith as he is older than me, but he did work for mama at the video store, so technically that makes us best friends. I think that also makes me quasi-famous. Anyhoo...

Welp, looks like it is that time again to bid adieu. I have some serious goofing off on the Myspace and other non-work related items to get to. You know, busy busy busy! So I leave you with a little sumpin' sumpin' to get you through the weekend:

Took a little breaky

So sorry for being absentee the past couple of days. I took two vacay days because I effing deserved it. I have been working like a crazy woman, and I had to put a stop to all the madness. But now I'm back, refreshed, and ready to waste some time on the bloggeroo. Weeeee!

I did some scrapping while I was away. Monday's efforts were a load of crap so I'm not even going to show you as I have a reputation to uphold. Tuesday's were better. Here is my favorito:

Man, it just oozes mad skill. Lurve it. For all those curious, the paper line is Crate Paper Birdie. For all those not curious, well, suck it.

(Oops, I mean I LOVE MY PEEPS!)

Then last night I created this one with MOD Blackbird line:

I do loves me some pink and black, ya'll!

Okay, no more scrappy bits. I can see some of you yawning, and I try really hard not to bore you. However, in my defense, it is my damn blog. Heh.

Well crap...I've ran out of things to say. My life is so boring. I suppose I should get back to work and make a living. But that really interferes with my "me" time, and ya'll know how much I love my "me" time. Or how much I just don't feel like working. Either way.

Started up the micro for a little bit of lunch. Having white chicken patties in a three cheese sauce with rice and vegetables. Sounds very gourmet; unfortunately, it is a frozen Lean Cuisine and is about the size of a side of cottage cheese or something. An entree it is not. It's barely a snack. And I'm a big whiny baby... gawd, I irritate myself.

Toodles, my dears. Back tomorrow, I swear, with hopefully more to say than how awesome I am at scrapbooking. And how much I hate doing other stuff other than doing nothing.

Huh. Man, I make so much sense, sometimes I scare me.

Damn good weekend

Sorry to open today's postie with a nice little expletive, but that's basically how I feel about the weekend. Good. Dadgum good.

Mom and I are becoming new best friends. We spent so much time together just talking and being all makey outey, but mother-daughter style, of course. I dig that woman! She just makes my heart wanna burst with happiness sometimes. Ahhhh. Me loves!

We did some shopping on Saturday and made fashion magic, ya'll. I gots me some cheapie underpants ($2 a pair, yo), a new brassiere with some mad gorge lacy bits on it, new brown shoes to beat all brown shoes on the planet ever, a pair of jeans that I picked up in the Misses section in Kohl's -- yes, I said "Misses", the place where cool clothes go to die, but dangit if they weren't Daisy 'Hot Body By Pilates" Fuentes jeans and I rocked 'em like they were my bitch. Okay, and I also got a blank tank, sweater thingy, and some jewels. That's it. Only spent about a million dollars, but am I worth it? Indeed.

Oh, and Take Out Girl was in full super-power force this weekend as well. Friday, mom and I got some Arby's, Saturday I had a Sonic breakfast, a Schlotzsky's lunch, and a Red Hot & Blue dinner. Oh yeah -- the triple threat. Weeeee! Then Sunday, I had a tiny burg from McDonald's because I figured they needed my $1 sale to help keep their day going. What can I say? Just doing my thing for the peeps, man.

Last night, however, I did have dinner at home, but I skipped out on the preparation by sneakily arranging to pick up Autumn from her dad's at the precise time Jerry (a.k.a. Eating In Guy) started up the grill. Oh yes. Take Out Girl knows exactly what she's doing ... mwah hahahahah!

As for the scrap crap I was gonna do, well it was put-offsy until tonight. I had too much DVR to do. But wait till you see all things crafty on the blog tomorrow. You may need to start your hyperventilation medication now, peoples, I'm serious.

Gots to go now. After goofing around online today, the official "Wasting Time" period is about to begin. Don't wanna miss it!

Reason #127 Why I Am Retarded

I read my own blog for entertainment.

Good lord help me.

Hello, Friday, oh how I've missed you...

Thank god it's the weekend, man! I have been waiting for this day since like Sunday night. Weeeee!

(Welp, there I go ... I got all tickly on the inside again. So sorry, but how I do loves me some weekend!)

Scoop on the tire -- I knew those hooker heels had magic powers! Granted, it didn't get me as great of a deal as my lusty stare did the last time, but I'm not gonna complain. I paid $55 this time, and that's like a Christmas miracle if you ask me.

However, the bad news: the dang weather went and crapped out on me again. Good lord. Would it kill somebody to keep the sun switched on? Seriously, it is like drizzly, gloomy, cold and yucky outside. Blech. November sucks.

I have two scrapbook layouts to show you. The first one is of Autumn and a bunch of Paige's friends slinging mud at each other. I don't know whose fabulous bright idea this was, but I'm pretty sure they are a crackhead. I mean, seriously.

Okay, this next layout calms me down a bit. It is my beautiful mother looking her usual hot and sexy self. Why she got to show me up every chance she gets? I mean, would it hurt to go out in public with greasy hair and no makeup -- just one time, for me?

Man, look at those circles. I feel another tingle coming on...

I am just plain exhausted today. I stayed up way too late last night watching my best friend, DVR. And now I am being punished. I'm in serious need of nappy time, ya'll. It is so dire that I honestly have nothing interesting to say today. I know ... I'm irritating myself just acknowledging this. 'Cause as you all know, me with nothing interesting to say = pigs flying and igloos in hell.

So I promise, I will get all rested up over the weekend, and come back on Monday with witty, sparkling gems all for you, my loyal bloggeroos.

I done know. My eyeballs are rebelling on me. Tootles!

The scrap is back!

I broke out the new kits the other night and totally impressed myself with my mad scrappin' skills. I made some loverly layouts with the Paper Loft Well Worn line, ya'll. Just looking at these makes me so happy on the inside:

The above is evidence of my daughter's loony-ness. She just got herself a new boyfriend (the one she has now -- in teenage years, they are practically married), and she wanted to express her joy with a smile to beat all smiles. I love seeing her all glowing and joyful. Sigh.

Oops. Sorry 'bout that. Had a slight sentimental moment there. I done now.

Now this next layout is my favorite. It's got craftiness written all over it, man. Behind the photo is a little file folder and I paperclipped Autumn's picture to it and called it "Exhibit B: Sense of Style." Yes, she is modeling her new hat. She spent about a week in this hat. Now, I'd give you 20 bucks if you could ever find it again. Seriously.

Okay, that's enough of that. I know all you non-scrappers are rolling your eyes at me. So here is special stuff just for YOU:

1) Today is awesome. The sun is out, the temp is somewhere in the 80s, and the sky is a lovely cerulean blue. I don't know how we pulled this one off in November, but kudos! If we have any more days like today, I may just accidentally pee my pants a little.

2) I got to leave work a whole hour before my lunch break because my boss took pity on me. I told her I was starving and that my stomach was eating itself, so she shooed me away in the direction of Taco Bell. Bless her.

3) PLUS -- and this may be the best part -- I still get to have my normal lunch break at noon. Weeee! That's double the fun, right there. I so EXCITE!

4) I went to drop my car off at the tire-gettin-place. I have no idea how much it is going to cost me since I so stupidly forgot to shave my legs. Blast! However, I am rockin' the capris and hooker heels, so we can work out a deal, mayhaps?

5) And lastly, did ya'll know walking three blocks in high heels gives you shin splints? Yeah. Me neither. Trust me, that's the last time I do that. If I'm to get shin splints, I at least want to be doing something more fun than exercising. Like scrapbooking, for instance.

Later, blogheads. I have much eating of the Taco Bell to do.

Monday. Eh.

Did we get shorted a weekend this month? 'Cause I swear I was just working earlier. Gaaahhhh!

Hope everyone is doing fab today. Me...ah, well...did I mention today was Monday? And therefore working? Yeah. That's it in a nutshell.

My scrap-a-palooza I had planned sort of bombed. For one, I didn't scrap until Sunday night, and secondly, I sucked at it. I am so not kidding you. Here is the layout that ended up being my favorite, although that is not saying much:

Hmmm. Well, can't be a genius ALL the time, right? I got two new kits in the mail today, so I will try to do better, I promise.

By the way, that is my darling daughter being hoisted onto Rascal by Paige and Sierra. And then immediately after this picture, Autumn held on for dear life. Poor thing. She is so horsily un-inclined.

(Hah. Jot that phrase down -- it's a keeper!)

Went to my brother's fiance's baby shower yesterday. Hannah's looking so cute and pregnant -- kind of makes me wish I was pg. And then I knock some sense back into myself. Good lord. I don't think I could take another 9 months of ankles that droop over the sides of my shoes. Me no likey.

Alrighty, my peeps, I'm gonna scoot. Need a potty break, and then I have some serious slacking off to do. Bye bye!

Crappy things about today

#1 -- I am busy. The boss has been gone for two days, and I am freaking busy. What kind of injustice is that?! Who's got their finger on the "Crap For Dianna" button, I ask you? Man, oh, man. One of these days, hopefully starting Monday, I can officially start my Goofing Off Only period. Because this thing they call "working" is about to run its course.

#2 -- My eyebrow pimple. What in frickety frack holy hell? I've had it for a week. And it is red and hideous. I'm trying to behave and not pick at it, but good lord. It just stares at me, calls my name, gives me voodoo eyes. Damn pimple. I am 32, ya know. Just because I act like I'm 13 doesn't mean I deserve puberty-ala-gawdang-forever.

#3 -- Got another flat tire. And this one is a doozy. Seriously, I believe it actually took some natural talent on my part to make the tire go all wonky and split apart like it did. Hells bells. So it's off to the tire-gettin'-place again on Monday to see about a cheap and/or free replacement -- better shave my legs.

Sigh.

However, there are a couple of good things about today:

#1 -- It's flippin Friday, peoples. Now how bad could it be?

#2 -- I've gone to the bookstore for the 4th day in a row during my lunch break and been fed every time. Cupcake on Tuesday, cake on Wednesday and Thursday, and a donut today. I believe they might be celebrating my existence or something because this is fan-freaking-tastic. Loves me some free food, ya'll. Granted, the cupcake was 2 days old, but heck, it had frosting on it, so who cares?

#3 -- Grandma came by to give Autumn her Christmas money. Helloooo?! It is November -- you know I'm gonna spend it on myself before Christmas, right? Oh, grammy. You will never learn. Tsk tsk.

In other news:

I haven't scrapbooked since like Monday or something. I don't know what I think I've been doing being all consumed with season 4 of Will & Grace like I have been. I've got to get my priorities in line, peoples. So tonight, while Autumn and Paige are off to yet another school dance, I believe I will have a little scrap-a-palooza. Party of one.

Speaking of the school dance, Autumn is going with her boyfriend, Kaleb. The very same boyfriend she's had since September 11. I believe this officially makes my daughter loyal and perhaps a little obsessive. Mama so proud ...

Okay dokes, my blogalicious pals, I'm off for the weekend. Hope ya'll have a little fancy. I believe I will as well. Because it's my damn job.

Peace, yo.

November already

Where has the time gone? Seriously. We just had Christmas like last month or something, didn't we? And now it's coming around the corner once again.

So it is November 1, and to celebrate, Mother Earth decides to bring out the sun. Weeee! I can handle cold temps as long as the sun is out to cheer me up. Rain, grey skies, and darkness at 5 p.m. can all go straight to hell. Me + sun = best friends forever.

I have two layouts to show you today. I created them with the Paper Salon Tribeca line, which is oh so gorge.

First up, is a tribute to my beautiful cat, Alex, whom I miss soooo much it ain't even funny:

Sweeeet. Man, oh, man. The title is called "I Carry Your Heart" which is a part of the poem by e.e. Cummings. Ya'll didn't know I could be so eloquent, did you? Well, surprise, bitches.

Hmmm. Anyway.

Last layout is of my little sister bragging about her technological advantage over me. Look:

I titled this one "Ipod Love" because Katy is all makey outey in these pics. She's so precious, it makes me want to throw up sometimes.

Other items to note on this layout -- the chipboard heart painted by yours truly. It was red, but I sanded all the color off of it and made it brown to match the color scheme. Hmmm, a brown heart. Yeah, well, whatev.

Also, check out the yellow photo corner. Man, that punch is too much fun to play with. I want to make photo corners like all day. And on the title, I layered 'love' over 'Ipod' because I was going for an artistic look. Me likey!

I've got another kit at home that I'm thinking I may do something with after Dancing With the Stars is over. Because as you know, I have no life.

Current status:

Stomach cramping (due to big latte and cake)

Off I go, ya'll. Have a great rest of your day. I think I'll go take a nappy under my desk now. Buh-bye!