I like it spicy

Thought I'd shake things up a bit in here and not show up to post anything yesterday. Keeps it all fresh and exciting, I think.

Ok. Actually, I was just very busy goofing off. It takes a lot of time to do that, ya know? Well, if you do it properly, that is. I've been trying to win a phone off Ebay cuz my darling beau gave me some early birfday money so I can replace the hideous Audiovox from hell. It's not going so good ... all the phones I want are super expensive. And I'm like, wtf? You are a phone, you are not a mother effing tiara ... be cheap like you are supposed to! Man, I hate it when stuff can't play by the rules.

(Wow. I about cussed in there. So, you know I mean business then. Heh.)

But I have bid on a loverly pink RAZR. And I am not telling you anything other than that, cause I know someone in here's gonnna think it be funny to outbid me for kicks. Trust me when I say this: Not Funny. It is so Not Funny, it gets capital letters. Also, there might be a little karate choppin' to the throat. Your throat; not mine.

Anyhoo...

But back to the point of this post. Which is my ever-lovin' birthday, ya'll! So you have about two days to arrange your gifts. Thanks.

Now for some parting words ... I am the best scrapbooker on the planet. Serious, if you don't believe me, just look:





Ka-yoooot! The top one is Cherry Arte Cosmic Energy line, and I effing cut out all those stars like it was my damn job! Very painstakingly, I might add. The black wavy strip on paper on there is my take on the Milky Way. Which really has nothing to do with my daughter in a mud fight. But it's dang adorable, so whatev.

Bottom one is Fancy Pants Floral Chic line. The big brown flourish-y thing was hand painted by me. I hardly ever get out my paints, so eat this one up, peoples! And while you are at it, click on the picture to make it big so you can see all the sweet little details I added. You will likeeee.

(Yes, you will. Cuz why again? ..... That's right.)

Alrighty. I just got about 893736487 emails for travel requests. Gah! It's Tuesday ... National Goof Off Day (I think. Or else I made that up.) What is wrong with America, making me work on a holiday?

Boo.

We be's tourists!

So this past weekend, Brad and I took the kids to Fantastic Caverns in Springfield, MO. It is a ride-thru cave that was first discovered back in 1862 by a farmer's dog when it crawled through it's entrance. However, it took 12 more years before anyone was brave enough to explore it's insides. Those first explorers ...

.... Okay, so I lost you, didn't I?

Well anyway.

The cave was a hit. The boys had a lot of fun. It was entertaining while having lots of educational value. Especially the part where the tour guide turned out all the lights so we could experience what they call "natural cave light." It is basically a big, black bit of can't-see-my-hand-2-centimeters-in-front-of-my-face. But it is also known as a "great time to make out in front of a tram-load of people and them not even know it."

But we wouldn't know a thing about that.

Scraptastic!

Here are three of my most recent layouts. I give you permission to scraplift. (And you will, cuz quite frankly, you can't stop yourself.)

First up is one I did of my little smarty pants sister, who knows anything and everything about all the stuff I don't. So this little layout is my tribute to myself and how I can impart a few words of wisdom every once in awhile. (Although my "words of wisdom" came straight off a page of rub-ons. But whatev.)



For those that care, the patterned paper is Daisy D's Modern Romance line. For those who don't ... well, suck it up cause there ain't nothin' else in this dang post for you to enjoy.

Alrighty.

Next is the very first layout I've ever done of my little baby, Bristol! He makes his scrapping debut right here ... weeeeee!

There are all sorts of crafty bits on this one, so you might want to click on the pic to make it bigger. The writing on the background paper, the glitter on the starbursts ... okay, well that's only two crafty bits. So not really "all sorts." But I suppose I like to call things what they really are not (see "story" post below). Heh. It's a sickness.

And p.s. ... Paper line is Chatterbox.



And lastly, perhaps my favorite-est one of all, the gorgeous Bristol in all his 15-minutes-old glory:



Oh my gawd, can you stand it?! Ka-yooot! And as for Bristol ... we'll he's cute, too. Heheh.

You will definitely need to click on the pic here so you can see the Heidi Swapp snowflakes (and my obsessive use of staples my sweetie, Brad, had so kindly pointed out ... but what he doesn't realize is his OCD is way worse ... oh how wonderful it is for this Virgo to be in love with another Virgo ... bliss!).

(And it really is BLISS ... you know, in case Brad reads this or something.)

Okay, peoples, that's two posts in one day. And if you don't love me now more than ever, then apparently your brain's done took a vacay.

About 1 hour left of working. I suppose I'll start.

Dianna as "Nerd"

So yeah. Fall TV is just around the corner. And nothin' brings out the nerdy in me than new TV shows that I can add to the DVR. I'm getting so giddy just thinking about it, I'm practically peeing my pants a li'l.

(You were waiting for the LOL, but there isn't one. I'm wearing a pantyshield just in case.)

Anyhoo.

I don't even care what is on NBC, CBS or FOX. I am an ABC girl. Don't ask why. That is just part of my nerdish charm, I guess. And when they have successful ratings, I'm pretty sure it is all because of me. Or it could just be my delusions of grandeur kicking in. But whatev.

Okay, so here is what I've decided:

Sunday -- Desperate Housewives
Monday -- Dancing with the Stars, Samantha Who, The Bachelor
Tuesday -- Cavemen, Carpoolers, Dancing with the Stars (results)
Wednesday -- Pushing Daisies, Private Practice
Thursday -- Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy
Friday -- Men in Trees

And because I am the boss of you (we've went over this before), you, too, will watch all of these shows. However, I will allow you The Singing Bee and American Idol because I think we all need a little music culture in our lives. (Plus making fun of other people is always good for the soul.)

With that said, you better believe I have my schedule all printed and taped up next to the TV. I may even scrapbook it later.

...
...
...

What?

Is that weird?

Eh.

So now I must go do travel agent-y things. I have people coming in to see me at 2pm, so I suppose they'd like their quote worked up before then. Geez.

Back tomorrow.

So...

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you?

Yeah. Freaky, huh?

A happy day!

For the mail, that is. Otherwise, it's crap.

(Well, what?! It's Monday.)

Anyhoo, I walked to the post office today. Yes, I said "walked." Calm down. I'd do just about anything to get out of working, you know that. Sooo... need me to take your poop sample to the lab for ya? Yeah. I'm your girl.

But back to my story.

Well, it's not really a story per se. I mean, nothing really exciting or anything of value happens. There is no plot. No interesting characters. No dialogue. I suppose, basically, what I am telling you is a facsimilie of a story. Something resembling a story, but without all the story-like elements of which an actual story might contain.

Which is interesting, now that I think about it. Cause I'm pretty sure everything I've ever said in here has never been a story. Although I may have hyped them up to be stories. But in reality, they were sham stories. Fakers. Little non-stories with story-esque disguises on them.

But on the bright side, my stories are not that bad as far as fake stories go, now are they? I mean, they at least entertain like a story. Perhaps make you laugh a little. I'm almost certain they never make you think, or else no thinking beyond the realm of "Is she retarded?" Cuz stories don't necessarily have to make you think, do they? Their job is just to BE, right? And to be enjoyed.

And well, strictly speaking, I personally enjoy reading my own stories, so why shouldn't you? (You just should. Because why, again? Cause I am the boss of you. Very good.)

Anyway, my point.

Huh.

I've lost the whole purpose of this post. Hold on. I need to scroll ...

...

...

...

Oh, yeah. Mail. I got a huge order of photos from Snapfish today.

That's all.

See ya.

Note on the weekend

I have discovered that little boys may not pay any attention to you whatsoever. But once you say "poop," suddenly you are their hero.

Breaky lemon cakey

Ahhhhhh, the weekend. Can't think of anything better than that word right there. It's been a heckuva week at work, and I am in such dire need of nothing to do.

"Nothing to do," of course, translates into the following:

a) Watch lots of reality tv ... I have Real Word Sydney, Design Star, Property Ladder, Flipping Out, Last Comic Standing and Top Chef to get caught up on. Sounds like bliss.

b) Read lots of retarded magazines ... I mean, good quality periodicals with such names as US Weekly, Star and In Touch.

c) Get some pages turned in my book of three months ... cause I'm on the chapter about circumsizing the Turkish princes and there is a party in the city! (Ahhh, to be alive during the Ottoman Empire circa 1788. Foreskin soup, anyone?)

d) Go out to eat at fancy restaurants with Brad (where he pays and he likes it that way).

e) Play some Blackjack ... I achieve a certain zen-like quality by sitting next to smoking, drunk people trying to give you tips on whether to hit or stand. As if they are in control of the cards any more than I am, right? So, I find that playing footsie with the dealer is your best bet. If not to win at Blackjack, at least to make a new friend.

Hope ya'll have a groovy weekend. Here is a photo of Sadie and me to aid you in your happy thoughts:

We just touched wet money. It was gross.

Toodles!

My obsession is BAAAACK.

And Brad should beware. Cuz basically if he sticks with me, I'm using all his money to buy my scrap supplies.

Just sayin'.

I am super happy to say that I have been scrapping so much more lately, and have even re-joined one of my kit clubs because ... well, mostly cuz I like getting packages in the mail. (Seriously, you can send me anything and I will like it. Unless it explodes. That's not so fun.)

But the other reason why I re-joined is because quite simply ... I LIKE PAPER. I like the colors, the textures, the varieties, the newness, the cleanliness of it. I like the prospect of what I can turn it into. Granted, sometimes I turn it into a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of crap, but for the most part I like the creating process. So in order to create, I need paper. And the quickest, most hassle-free way for me to get it is to sit on my lazy ass and have them bring it to me.

Here are two layouts I made earlier this week. Hope you likeeee:

First up is some paper by American Crafts, with a ho ho bunch of other stuff on it. Like Bazzill flowers, Heidi Grace pins, 7 Gypsies stickers, and Creative Imaginations rub-ons. I had waaaaaay too much fun with this page. But lookie how pretty!



And now this last layout is a little less "stuffed" but I love how matchy matchy the paper and photo is. You can't tell much, but Bryan's shirt is navy with bit of red on it, and Hannah's shirt is dark purple. I know. And if I could be any more genius, I'd swear they'd be saving me a seat down at the NASA.



So the paper line is Daisy D's and the stickers and rub-ons are by Creative Imaginations. Oh, and photo frame by Hambly.

And all you non-scrapper's are most likely taking a snooze right now. So sorry. I promise I will soon have a pointless, rambling post all for YOU. Wait for it.

That's all for now. Off to enjoy my cranberry Dr. Pepper and get all giddy-like while waiting for lunch. Not for eating, mind you (cuz eating is over-rated), but for the napping that will ensue. Yesssss.

And so it begins

Autumn's first day of school started today. Eighth grade. How did this happen? I mean, seriously. Where did my little tiny baby go ... you know, the one that liked to spill Cheerios all over the carpet? The one who liked to hit herself in the head with photo frames after toppling the wicker etagerie over? The one that liked to poop all up her backside when we were out in public?

Now she is a bratty, bossy, cranky, PMS-y 13-year-old who can't have too many boyfriends or too much time on the computer. My daughter ... the thorn in my side, yet still the sunshine in my life. Growing up, edging ever closer to leaving me.

Blah. I've done depressed myself.

So, getting back on track, per tradition, the ever popular first day of school photo:

I do believe she is excited.

Did ya'll notice her new brown hair? Yeah, you did and it's effin schweet. It's called Loreal Feria Deeply Brown#40, or as I like to refer to it as Whiny Ass Begging For It Emergency Wal-mart Trip #1. Also known as Saved Myself A Billion Dollars And Did It Myself. Either one.

(Shout out to my salon pals, Sadie and Stacy! You know I'd be all up in your business if Autumn hadn't decided like *rightnow* to color her hair. Twerp.)

Oh, but hey! Look what else I did:

I scrapbooked her effin' schedule. Hahahahahah! You can't tell much in the picture. Perhaps you shall click on it and make it bigger. (Yes you shall.) Anyway, I used the Love, Elsie products and some cute Bazzill Bitty Blossoms. And then pretty much went a little bit crazy like woah.

Mmmmm, k. I feel really boring today. I think I need a latte. With some vodka in it.

Alrighty, I'm out. (And serious about the vodka.) Til' tomorrow ...

You want photos?

I gots the photos! So prepare yourself.

First up is the cutest couple in all the planet. (Seriously, we checked.)

This was taken on Saturday night prior to us getting all kinds of crazy at the Blackjack tables. We each put in $20 and played for a couple hours on it. Didn't make any money, but dadgummit if we didn't lose any either. Win/win, I say.

Next, is the adorable Mr. Bristol and me. Mom babysat him overnight while Bryan and Hannah went camping, and we had the best time. (I say that, of course, because I wasn't in charge of waking up in the middle of the night to tend to any crying babies. I was just there to enjoy him during the non-crying, non-pooping times.)

Perhaps I should have taken out the binkie before the photo shoot. But on the other hand, the binkie sort of disguises the look of absolute terror on his face. I'm pretty sure he is just in awe of the fact that I'm the best auntie ever. And not because he is scared of my shirt.

Next is my baby having a little snack. I swear I didn't make him do it. He just likes the taste of velour.

Gawd, that's cute. I want one. (Velour blankie, not baby. Just to make that clear.)

And lastly, a parting shot of Mr. Handsome himself. I just love him so much, it's unreal. I could take picture after picture of this cheek-pinching face. And I am not kidding when I say this ... he looks sooooo much more adorable in real life. (Except for the pooping, but I've mentioned that already, I think.)

And that's all for now. I will have more later. You will not want to miss the rest of the Video Giant photo shoot, nor the best scrap pages I've done in ... well, since the last best scrap page.

Toodle-loo, my bloggerazzi. Stalk me more later, k?

(And p.s. THANKS for the comments from my lurkers. I about peed myself from so much happiness. You rock.)

Just one thing...

...and it's boring as hell.

Well, it's Monday. You can't expect me to be brilliant and witty on a Monday, can you?

(The answer to that question is always no. Write it down.)

So I made this page on Friday. It is the layout I had dreamed (dreamt?) in my head. I am feeling much better about this one than that last horrid thing I made. I'm hoping perhaps my mojo is back ... at least temporarily. Because gawd, I hate scrapper's block. It = balls.

Well, that sounds like the perfect ending to today's post. In fact, I should probably end all future posts with the word "balls" because it really puts me in a good mood. And makes me giggle ... cuz damn, that word's funny!

Anyhoo...

This post has spiraled all to hell.

I do, however, have some great photos of Bristol, Brad and me, and more of the Sadie/Dianna Photo Show to reveal. But I's tired now.

Boo.

Lurkers de-lurk!

I know you are out there. I can see you. So why ain't you talking, leaving me comments? Have you done gone mental?

Seriously ya'll. Just say something, anything. Do not leave this page without clicking the comment button. I mean it! Or else*.

*(Or else ... hmmm. Well, I'll think of something. No doubt it will be very painful and scary.)

Gotta work at the video store yet again tonight. I'm plain exhausted! Last night really did a number on me ... what, with all the standing behind the counter and such. I may just be a sweaty, puddle-y mess by the end of this night. Two days in a row of being upright for extended periods of time ... well, my legs are bound to revolt in a kicking and twitching sort of way, I'm sure.

No new scrappy things to report, sadly. However, I was thumbing through a scrap mag before sleep last night, and then proceeded to dream about layout designs like all freaking night. Lemme tell ya, though. I am one helluva scrapper in my dreams. In fact, I'm all kinds of spectacular inside my head.

I swear. If my head was a place, I'd totally be moving there.

(Hmmmm. Maybe that is how "crazy" starts?)

Okay, chat later. I have 20 minutes before lunch time, and I have some very important goofing off to do before then. Have a great weekend, you stalkers, and I'll see you back here next week.

(And so now you are doing what? Hmmmm?)

(That'd be hitting the comment button like asap. Exactly.)

Scraps for you

Just wanted to post a couple of layouts I did last week using my Love, Elsie paper. All you scrappers ... delight! All you non-scrappers ... tune out. Although this is my damn blog, so why apologize?

Anywho...

These be it:






And you likeeee, yes you do! 'Cept I'm not much a fan of the first one. Sometimes I scrap better in my head. Kind of like how I am much skinnier and fabulous there, too. Dang.


So video store co-worker called in sick, so I be's fillin' in tonight, yo. That means an extra $21 for me. Which also means "almost not worth it." But whatev.


Speaking of the video store, here is said co-worker (who goes by the name of Sadie) and I being all kinds of dorky on Tuesday night:



We think the "thumbs-up" needs a comeback. Everyone's doing the rockstar or the peace, but honestly ... the thumbs-up is where it's at.

Oh, but hey ... two things:

1) My thumb does tricks! Look how bendy it is. I am like a Houdini. Or Chinese acrobat. Either way.

2) The fleshy arm is baaaack. And in full-force. But this time it's tan and less likely to scare the beejeebies out of people.

Alrighty, ya'll. Leaving now. Will post more Sadie/Dianna pics tomorrow ... cuz seriously, they's good stuff!

Have a groovy night. Peace. (I mean, thumbs-up!)

Crappy Scrappy

With the good comes the bad, and this layout right here is downright awful. So why post it, you ask? I dunno. I'm feeling the need for some sympathy I guess.

I did this one on my lunch break, so perhaps my mind was concentrating more on the Lean Cuisine in the microwave than on this layout. I mean, come on peoples ... it was effing Enchilada Suiza! Heheh. Now do you see?

So for those that care, the paper line is My Mind's Eye Tres Jolie. So pretty when it is all whole and not used up on this little waste of time right here. Eh. I just depressed myself.

Okay, I will make new stuff tonight. I had an epiphany today while thinking about my scrapping monstrocity (see photo, above), and if it comes out on paper like I see it in my head ... well ... quite simply: watch your drool.

Have a good evening ya'll. I've got to go sling some DVDs at the video store tonight, so it'll be a long one for me. Back tomorrow with some hopefully groovier things to say and show.

Fancy schmancy me

See, my new business cards prove it:


Bwahahahahaha! And Brad thought he was something special being an "electrical engineering technician II" -- whatever the freak THAT means. I'm the ever-lovin' Vice President ya'll. Therefore, I = boss of you. See. Told ya.

Something pretty to look at ...

... to tide you over until Monday:

Well did you expect anything different?

I think not.

Have a great weekend, my dears. Miss me wanna kiss me (but cute ones only) ... toodles!

Ooooh, scrappy scrappy now!

For all those that care, here is my latest scrapbooking endeavor. Done around midnight last night from the floor of my cat-hair infested living room. Who says one can't be inspired by undesirable living conditions?

Patterened paper is Cosmic Energy by Cherry Arte. I painstakingly cut out all those circles, wrote words on the white space behind Autumn's picture, and used butterscotch puff paint to make cute little dots in all the right places. Today's exhaustion has been well worth it, I'd say. And you will say so too, because ... well, I am the boss of you. (Just sayin'.)

I was going to do another page at lunchtime today, but I decided to fold laundry instead. Don't ask how chores beat out scrapbooking ... I must've been on a hunger-deprived mind trip or something. But hey ... tonight's a new day (or whatever), so who knows what I might get up to after I close down the video store. That Love, Elsie paper is definitely calling me name.

For all those who don't care at all, I apologize for the boring-ness of this post. Instead, focus on my lovely berber carpet. Doesn't it just wanna make you take your shoes off and dance? Yeah. Me neither.

Okay, more good stuff later. I have much eating of the oatmeal pie to do. Oh how I loves me some Little Debbie.

Buh-bye.

OMG

I am the most boring person on the planet. I can't even blog properly.

Seriously, I just wrote and then promptly deleted the most atrocious thing I've ever thought up in my head. It was so bad, I practically put my own self to sleep -- which is a rather daunting feat, for as ya'll know, I love me and anything related to me.

But you must understand how the OCD was kickin' in overdrive. It physically would not let me out of my chair until I posted something. And so my first attempt was just ... urgh. You don't even know how much "urgh" I mean. So much so, that it is *thisclose* to being capitalized.

And now, due to lack of anything else better to say, my un-post is the subject of this new-and-improved post! Why ... how uncanny did that turn out to be?!

(Okay, I would so totally delete that last line, but I am currently in the midst of a carpal-tunnel-like symptom and do not have the strength to hold down the delete key for more than a second.)

Mmmm, k. And this post is quickly spiraling all to hell. Better go before you never come back. Thanks for sticking it out with me thus far, my lovelies. You make me feel all squishy on the inside.