Need a vacay from vacay

Lemme just say one thing: I am effing exhausted! I would never guess that going on a vacay would ever be tiring. Usually it's not. But this time -- this time -- I used muscles I never thought I had.

Case in point:

Did you know you use your inner thighs to walk? Yeah, me neither! But apparently you do because after a mere 15 minutes of squeezing a jet ski between my legs in a desperate plea to hold on for my ever-lovin' life (thanks, Brad, you *rock* at driving), I am now walking around the office in a sort of hunched over, corn-cob-up-the-behind kind of way. Attractive, yes. Pleasant, hell no.

The aching is so bad that I actually have to hold my own leg and place it where I want it. That's some good times right there, peoples. Not only do I have to practically kill myself to walk, but now I have to use other muscles in order to make the sore muscles work. And that = exercising. And, well ... Dianna don't take too kindly to that sort of torture.

On the bright side, I got to sleep on a house boat for the very first time. Which is an adventure all in itself, I must say. Going from one end to the other during a healthy wave spell is like having about a billion too many drinks and trying to take a leisurely stroll. FUN! Sounds a bit like this: Oh, hello wall! And floor, how YOU doin'? And oops, sorry, you didn't need that eyeball for anything did you? And oooh, drinkies look so lovely all spilt and pretty on your shirt like that.

Yeah.

But hey! There is some really great news. After spending two whole days on a lake; no make-up; crazy, wind-blown ala boat-ride hair; and the constant need to wipe sweat off my upper lip, somehow, someway, I still managed to hold onto my boyfriend. Apparently he likes me sweaty and bloated and dog-ass tired. Sweeeeet.

More lata. I am going to just rest my head on the desk fo r a sed lsdgk;lfkh//...

Vacay horray!

I am going to be MIA from the blog for the next few days cause I am going to take a little vacay. Nothing huge, mind you, but I do get to take off work tomorrow, so that in itself is pretty sweet.

Leaving this evening to take little sis up to Lawrence, Kansas. We are going to stay the night in a hotel, and then get up super early tomorrow to tour the KU campus. And by "super early" I quite clearly mean 8 a.m. -- which is practically the middle of the effing night! Gah. However, since it is vacay, I miraculously am able to pull off this tricky time maneuver. Not pleasantly of course. But do-able.

But have me get up at 8 a.m. on a work day, and, well ... good luck to you and your well-intentions. I may up and bite you. Or kick you in a delicate area. Either way.

Yes, yes. Katy is going to be a senior in high school next year, and therefore needs a heads-up on college campuses. She is so pathetically ambitious, it kills me. Why can't she just get pregnant at 18 and get a degree in "secretary" like I did? Apparently, going to medical school has much better odds. And it makes you more money.

But I am so super proud of her for making good choices! She's so smart and beautiful and passionate about school and her future. I practically pee my pants just thinking about how much money she'll let me borrow. (And by this I mean take and never give back. Obviously.)

So then after the grand tour, Autumn and I are going with Brad and his kids to Branson. I am super excited because we've never done an overnight trip before. And we even get to sleep in Brad's parents' boat house, which should be a neat little adventure, I think. Not sure of the exact sleeping arrangements, though, but as long as no one pees the bed or wakes me up before noon, I'm in good shape.

Hopefully ya'll will miss me a li'l bit while I'm gone. I'm expecting lots of comments, so get your typing fingers ready. Otherwise, there will be some hiiii-YAs to the neck in store for you.

Just saying.

Money = Love

Real quick blog, but one of super important information. Today minimum wage was increased in the great state of Oklahoma. Long gone are the days of $5.15 an hour; say hello to the new world that $5.85 will bring. Dadgum right.

So some of you may remember (but I doubt it), but every Tuesday and Friday I work at the video store for mom. I mostly do it for the extra cash -- well, scratch that -- that's the only reason I do it. It is certainly not for the touching of questionable liquids left on DVD cases by customers who aren't courteous enough to wipe the dang things off first. Or for the feel of sweaty dollars bills that you hope to God came out of a wallet and not out of a secret compartment found on the inside of pants. Or not even for the smell of stinky va-gi-gi in a hot tanning room alongside a trash can liner full of pee pee.

Nope. It's for the cash. Plain and simple.

But I digress. The point of this post is ... as a key holder, and therefore boss of YOU (well not "you" but "them") ... I am officially making a whopping $6 an hour. Yeah, I said it. Six effing dollars. That's an extra $16.50 on my paycheck per month. That's like ... um, maybe 1/8 of my cell phone bill right there.

And that, in itself, spells Financial Freedom.

Score.

Monday is stinky

As a general rule, that is. I don't know why there is even a Monday at all. If it were up to me, I'd just fast forward to the weekend all the time. The only way a Monday can be good is if it involves free food or like lots of good mail in the mailbox. That's really about it.

Sad.

Okay, but for all those waiting (I think just one person ... Regina?) here is a layout I made last week or the week before or some other time when I wasn't napping or watching World Series of Blackjack on GSN.

I think the paper is Scenic Route, but seriously, I have no idea. But I'm pretty sure. Like maybe 75 percent. Or maybe just like 40 percent. I dunno. And suddenly ... I don't care.

Hmmpfh.

So I've been on this huge reality tv show kick lately. What is it about summer that brings out the couch potato in me? (Or really what is it about any day all the time? Heh.) Anyhoo. The end of The Next Food Network Star came about yesterday, which has left me bereft. Not because of who won, but because that show was really the only great thing about Sunday nights (the evil precursor to the hell that is Monday). What shall take its place?

Ahhhh, salvation. The new season of Design Star on HGTV started last night! So I have approximately two months of reality competition bliss ahead of me. Sooo excite! Like on the verge of peeing your pants kind of excite. Yessss.

Also watching Top Chef, which isn't a coolio as Food Network, but it'll do for my cooking-vicariously-through-others kind of obsession I've been having. And then there is Last Comic Standing, which I LOVE. Now if only Project Runway would hurry up with their 4th season, I'd be hella happy. I may never leave the house.

Okay, so yeah. Today I literally have nothing of importance to say, hence the rambling on and incoherent sentence transitions. It's like hi. I am bored. I ate too much peanut butter last week. Oooh, a shiny quarter. And my cat is fat.

Sheesh.

But I will say, with the utmost sincerity, if Regina is the only person who is ever going to comment on my posts, it's karate chops to the neck for everybody.

(p.s. Love it that you feel the need to make remarks on practically everything I say, G. It makes doing this blogging thing well worth it indeed. So yeah. Tomorrow, in your honor, I'm eating a Swedish meatball.)

Coming to you on a Saturday

So does this make me an official loser? I am blogging on a Saturday night. As opposed to drinkies or dancing, movies or casino-ing ... I am blogging. I'm practically bowing my head in shame as I type this. But I won't because 11 hours of sleep really does a number on my neck.

Some notes about today:

1) At approximately 12:45 this morning, I went to Wal-mart and purchased my very own copy of Harry Potter 7. However, it wasn't a planned thing. I actually went to Wal-mart (with Brad, of course) to buy a fan for my bedroom. Did I mention how my bedroom is like 3856593 degrees at all times? It makes for an interestingly sweaty night.

Anyhoo, this fan ... I got one with a remote control. Because nothing says "lazy" more than a fan that you can control from the comfort of your own bed. Yay! Next, I'm buying myself a Clapper. And then pretty much anything else that is remote controlled. Or robotic.

2) Went to Hobby Lobby and picked up the new Lola paper line from Love, Elsie. It is ka-yoooot! Also got some letters and coordinating stickers. You know, for the scrapbooking I'm no longer doing.

(Must also be the reason for the Harry Potter book -- apparently I like to support my own hobbies by buying crap that I won't use for like 938674867 years.)

Actually, I plan to make a cute little layout this coming week with the paper. I've got a photo of Autumn from her school dance last year that would look perfect. So watch for that in the blog soon. (You so excite!)

3) Hung out with Brad and his kids at the mall. We spent way too much money in Tilt playing games so we could get enough tickets to buy an obsessive amount of tiny plastic toys. I will say this though ... I will kick your ass in Skee-Ball. Especially if you are a 6-year-old kid who has one eye on the ball and one eye on the much cooler Jurassic Park game over in the corner.

Okay, I dun now. Brad's on his way back over. And I have to pretend I haven't been blogging for half an hour, watching Property Ladder re-runs, or doing word search puzzles out of a book I purchased specifically because making tidy circles around words makes me very very happy.

Indeed.

I smell a latte coming on

It is mid-afternoon, only about 2 1/2 hours from quitting time, and if I don't get a latte in my belly soon, I might well damn 'splode.

Not for any real reason. Except for maybe I've been on a quasi-diet the past few days, and my stomach's starting to rage a fit. I know it wants a burger, but the latte is the best I can do.

But about the diet: Ever since I moved out of Jerry's house and into the apartment from hell, I've done no cooking whatsoever. Oh, well, except maybe one time when my brain done took a vacay and I made tortellini (out of a bag, people, don't freak out). But for the most part, like about 99% of the time, Autumn and I have subsisted on McDonald's, Sonic, KFC, Arby's, Pizza Hut and the like. For those not doing the math, that is like 7 months of Fast Food Craziness right there (so crazy that is gets capital letters)!

So I'm trying a little thing. It's called groceries. And not crazy people groceries, such as steak tartar or oysters on the half shell, but normal ones like fruit and Chicken Helper. (Well, we are talking about me, you know that, right?)

(And by "fruit" I mean apples in a bag already sliced up that cost about $948594 more than regular whole apples, but dangit if I don't have to prepare them myself! They's washed and ready to EAT! Yay! And, well, time is money.)

But back to my point of the latte (you forgot that was the point, didn't you?) ...

I've been so good with the cottage cheese and crackers, that how can I not have one? I think eating at home for lunch everyday this week deserves a little reward, don't you? (This is where you agree with me and say, "Why yes we do think so!" That is your job as my loyal blog readers -- agreeing with every dadgum thing I say. Just so you know.)

Mmmmm, k. I've postponed this long enough. I'm walking next door (yes, I said "walking", as coming up with a little scooter or something electrical and mobile proves to be too difficult at the moment).

Latte, baby! Here I come!

Zzzzzzz...

I went home for lunch today. And promptly took a nap. Which is the best part of this story. The sad part is that I was looking forward to it. Yes, I am officially old enough to get excited about a nap.

So scrapbooking, reading, naps. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am an extremely cool person.

Too much time on my hands

I've been spending a lot of time reading other peoples' blogs. And why for, you ask? Cuz I can only do so many travel agent-y things before I begin to slouch in my chair. And then I get restless body syndrome and literally can't sit still without the constant need to stretch or pop my back or crack my neck or something.

Anyhoodles, my point ...

I found a gem on my good buddy, Jamie's, blog. And by 'good buddy' I so obviously mean I've been reading her entire blog for about two weeks now and therefore we must be BFF. Duh.

You MUST go to this site and do this. It is freaking hi-larious and you will so definitely want to thank me for the laughs that ensue (in gift card form, please). I uploaded a cute little picture of me, and then transformed it into many different versions. I give you:

Dianna as baby. If you don't want to pinch these cheeks, then something is quite clearly wrong with you. And you need a new brain.

Dianna as Asian. I am oddly scared by this one. I don't think I want to be Asian. Cuz I look very stocky and man-like. And not get-guys-able (yes, that's a word).

Dianna as Afro-Caribbean. I really have nothing to say to this one except, hahahahahahaha! However, the tan is quite striking.

Dianna as Old Lady. I'm serious. If Brad didn't already think he might want to spend the rest of his life with me, a glimpse into the future right here would cure that right up. Dig the liver spots, man. Eeeeeee! And the second chin? Glorious.

Dianna as Man. Holy effing crap on a cracker! It's my brother! I swear I didn't think we looked alike until now. Oh my god, the laughing. The LAUGHING.

I'm about *thisclose* to peeing my pants. I'm serious.

Dianna as Drunk Girl. I just think I look really, really, really happy. And that's what we all strive for in our lives isn't it? So in honor of that profound statement ... drinkies, shall we?

Okay, so basically I'm telling you in a not-so-subtle way to DO THIS. I can't think of any better way to waste an afternoon of working. Ahhhhh, I love the internet.

Attention scrappy friends ...

I just realized if you click on the picture of my layout below, it blows up big and out of this world! So now you can see all the pretty details and/or mistakes up close and personal. Mistakes, cuz I'm thinking the little rub-on I put next to "good buddy" was just lack of sleep overtaking my keen sense of judgement. But the bling bling ... my saving grace if I do say so!

Well, anyhoo...

Oh! And the little paper strips under "hey" and the blue punched out corners (oh, paper puncher, how I've missed thee...), those are by Scrapworks Canvas collection. Yes! This brain does work afterall.

Pictures to love!

(OH! And the headline is back! I soooo excite!)

So I wanna just say for all my scrapping friends that I actually made a little sumpin' sumpin' the other night. It was my first page in like 397856739 months! It's not the best thing I could ever come up with but it beats NO pages hands-down! Alas:

Yeah, it's not the most fabulous quality picture. But dang. It was only 1 in the effing morning. Give a girl a break. And don't ask what the paper is either. I'm guessing Daisy D's or Basic Grey Hang 10, but it's a crapshoot.

Hoping to maybe, quite possibility do a little layout or two tonight. We'll see. A 4 hour nap may win me over instead. And then it'll be bedtime, soooo...

Next up is me looking my finest. I curled my hair and everything. And oh so casually cropped my little sister right out. Sweet.

Hmmm. I spy boobies. Why, lookie me!

This next picture is the heart of my heart, my gorgeous daughter Autumn. Granted, half her head is covered by my massive camera, but she still looks pretty. And as for the camera itself -- divine! So photogenic, those two.

Okay, next up is two of my favorite people -- mom and baby Bristol. Again, not the best quality of photo, but this time it's Autumn's fault. It's hard to take good pics when you are staring at yourself in a mirror.

Mom really needs to stop working out. I'm serious. No 50-year-old woman should have arms like that. EVER. It just makes all your fat children feel bad. Blah.

This photo was taken yesterday, so how up-to-the-minute am I? Mom, Katy, Autumn, Bryan, Hannah, Bristol and I went out to eat at Fuddrucker's, which was delish and promptly made me feel bloated and sorry. Eh.

Afterwards, we went to Petland next door because we thought it would be cute for Bristol to giggle over the puppies. But instead he vomited on the floor over by the fish. And who was holding him at the time? Not me! Haha! Told you he loved me best.

Okay, last photo is of the beau, who looks just so handsome all posed up there casually on the edge of the couch. Almost as if he was just sitting there like that nonchalantly, and I surprised him with a picture. Ahhhh, that boy! So love.

Wow, my photo fest has done worn me the ef out! I've wasted a good two hours today uploading and organizing. And by "wasting" I mean "working like a good travel agent should" -- of course!

So I'm going to go now and do more work. And by "work" I mean "go next door and buy myself a latte." Ya'll have a great day! Love you miss you wanna make out with you (but only the cute ones).

Toodles!

Okay, blogger, we've gotta get something straight. You cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, afford to be wishy washy with me. Either you let me post a title or you do not. Decide. As in right now.

Sheesh.

So yeah, we're back to no headline. My OCD is running amuck.

But on a brighter note, my new beau:

Oh, he is kaaaa-yoot! *Sigh* I LURVE him. He goes by Brad, but I like to call him Hottie McHotterstein. Or Dreamboat McBradley. Or Go Go Gadget Sweet Lips. Or Super Brad in Spandex Pants. But mostly just in my head. Outloud I just call him Giggle Buns. He likeee.

Okay, enough of that. I know I just made you throw up in your mouth a little.

Things we like to do together thus far:

1) Go to Wal-mart. It is our thing. We are like hello, hug, kiss, Wal-mart. Seriously. It is hilarious.

2) Play Blackjack. Not that we are good or anything, but it is fun to make $20 in gambling money last longer than five minutes. Slots, be damned!

3) Go eat at restaurants really late, like about 5 minutes from the cut-off time before you get spit in your food. So far, the nicest people were Pizza Hut when they told us the dining room closed at 11 p.m. and our watches clearly stated 10:45 -- but whatev. They lost out on a 2 dollar tip. FACE.

4) And finally, sleep. On skinny couches. Built for one. Heheh. It is almost comical at times, I swear it. As in Three's-Company-Jack-Tripper-fall-off-the-couch funny. And you know your couch is too small when you actually have to pull the coffee table over to make an arm rest. Yep. I did that.

GAH! I just got about 93858467495 emails regarding travel-related-non-blogger-type crap. Urgh. Whose idea was it to work on Tuesdays again?

Poop.

Lookie, a headline!

Also, two posts in one day. Wow. They must be wearing mittens and toe-socks in Hell, I think.

So yeah. The Myspace story. You all have no idea how much I loved my Myspacin'. I'm serious. It kept me busy for like, hours, when I was supposed by working and didn't feel like it. (Kind of like right now ... customers, shoo!)

Anyhoo, I'm not going to say that I actually got caught doing a little too much Myspacin'. Let's just say I got a little virus thingy, and the computer tech (or rather, the devil's BF), told my boss that if he could just block a few little websites off my dang computer, all would be right with the world.

Ger.

Cut off my right arm while you are at it, you effer! Blah.

So I've been sans Myspace for about 2 weeks now. I've lost weight (seriously, like 5 pounds), and I'm super depressed that I can't stalk my friends properly. I know ya'll counted on me to make you feel famous! Hah.

The good news is now I think I might be back to blogging like mad crazy. Take that, job! You don't get to control me all day like you thought. Bwhahahahahahaha!

(Oops. Boss is calling; gotta go!)

MY FAKE HEADLINE

Cuz Blogger is retarded. It won't let me put a title in cuz it's done gone mental.

Poo.

And don't ask why this is important. It just is. Anyone with even a smidge of the OCD will tell you it's true.

Okay, but back to my point ...

People effing love me.

No seriously they do. You were all waiting for the LOL but there isn't one.

So, how do I know this? Cuz I've been blogger delinquent for nigh on a billion months and still yet have managed to score myself some 4,000 stalkers. Heheh.

Hmmmm. Yeah. Di is boring today.

Myspace story and weekend scoop is next, but first things first .... LUNCH. And then some goofing off cuz boss is gone today. Weeee!

Bye.

Weekend calls me.

And this is going to be the shortest post ever.

But short post is better than no post, which is all you've gotten in the last few months. So in other words, you may suck it.

Wow.

Anyhoo ...

Well, times up for today! Haha.

I totally wanted to tell you about Myspace, but that'll be a great story for Monday. Trust me, you will LOVE.

Have a great weekend. I will have mad scoop for you. Well, prolly.

(And this is where you insert the cliffhanger. Dum dum dummmmmmmmm!)

Hahahahahahaha!

Well guess who it is?!


I know, I know, I know. You don't even have to say it 'cause I already know. So let's move on, shall we?


Okay, things have changed quite drastically since the last time I've blogged. Some new stuff:

1) I have scrapbooked! Okay, so it was only a father's day card, but who cares? I scrapped. And that is what is important, my friends.

2) I finished a book and started another one. This is a major deal. Those who know me know I read lots and lots of books. But this year -- seriously, ALL of this year -- I have only read one. One book. And it wasn't even a fat one. Sheesh.

So now I am on my second book of the year. And if I was any more excited about it, I'd pee my pants.

Yes, seriously.

3) Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, dear husband and I have decided to separate. This all came about last October, and I have been living in the world's most pathetic apartment on the planet since December. I won't go into details about the whats and whys, just thought maybe this would shed some light as to the cause of my blogging delinquincy. It's been a huge change in my life, and I'm just now starting to get things back on track. Not to say I'll be scrapping or reading like a maniac any time soon, but you get my point.

Now that that is out of the way ... on to the fun! Here are pictures that you've been dying to see. (Yes, trust me. You have.)

First up is me. If you don't think this is cute, you need your brain checked. That's all I'm saying.

Next is my adorable nephew, Bristol. He has grown up so precious and sweet. He is even better than this in person. Well, except for the pooping.

And I do NOT have Transitions lenses in my glasses. I have no idea why they always photograph dark like that. They just do, and my brain hurts too much to contemplate the whys.

And as far as the frightened look on Bristol's face -- that's not scared, that's sheer adoration in its purest form! You should see how he vomits on other people and not me. I told you I'd be his favorite auntie EVER. Heh.

There is much more blogging-slash-catching up to do, but not enough time. I've got an hour left of work and so must go fit in more goofing off before we close! Yes, you can see at least I've got one of my priorities still in working order.

Enjoy your fourth of July, my lovelies! I'll be back on Thursday to discuss the hell that is a computer with no Myspace. (Seriously. It is the devil.)