The Hating Game

Here are a few things I hate:

1) Laundry. This is the devil's chore.

2) Dusting. Who the ef invented this one? I live out in the country, so dusting is ten times worse than anywhere else. I swear, I will dust while dust is settling back on the spot I dusted. No down-time for the dust -- or at least my dust. I have demon dust.

3) Going to the store right after work. Sometimes you just wanna go home, ya know? My hubby will call my cell phone and ask me where I'm at, and if I have my game on I will know to answer that I am way way far away from any store whatsoever.

4) Getting out of bed once I'm in bed. I've got my blankies all arranged perfectly, I'm all tucked in and comfortable, book in hand and ready to settle down and relax. Ahhhhhh. Wha..? Oh, crap. Did I lock the front door? Here I am, flinging the covers off, stomping into the living room just to see that yes, indeed, the door is locked. Hmmpf. Okay, back to the bed. Ahhhhh, that's nice. My bed is my best friend. Smiles all around. Then ... oh hell's bells. Dear daughter is hollering from her room. Ger.

"What do you need, Autumn?" Water. She needs a drink of water. I'm pretty sure her two legs work just as well as mine. But as the dutiful mother that I am, I will get the damn water. Now for bed. Me likey much. But wait...is that the dear daughter I hear, AGAIN? This time I just yell from the bed, thinking I will outsmart the situation.

"What?!" Come here. She wants me to come here. Oh good god. So now I'm very much stomping all the way to Autumn's room.

"Good night, mommy." Now, not to sound like a bad parent or anything, but couldn't she have yelled this to me instead? I would have heard it just fine from the comforts of my room. I swear, my daughter has it in for me. So, many hugs, kisses, night nights, blankies and I Love Yous later, I am finally in my bed to stay. Except now I'm too exhausted to enjoy myself. Figures.

5) Cooking. This is quite possibly the worst of the worst. I cannot cook, I make no promises about anything I do cook, and basically, if it doesn't come out of a box with pre-measured dehydrated powder and raw noodles, I'm not making it.

Which brings me to this: I once made a key lime pie from a 3-ingredient fool-proof recipie. And I screwed it up. I mixed up sweetened condensed milk and evaporated milk. Who knew there was a difference? But apparently there is because evaporated milk with lime juice tastes like chalk.