Last post

In three days, it will officially be 2007. So this post, being on a Friday, will be the last one of 2006. This is truly an occasion. Seeing that I haven't posted in over a week, it's a downright miracle.

I am such a bad blogger! There is just so much shtuff going on in my life right now, I can't even function properly. I haven't read, I haven't scrapbooked, I haven't slept a full eight hours in effen three weeks! Gaaaahhhhh! Must do some yoga.

So my New Year's resolution is this: to be the best blogger on the face of the earth, ever. Oh, and probably to lose 20 pounds, perhaps exercise a li'l. But by about, ohhhhh, say January 5th, I'll be sooooo totally over that.

Okay, stuff on Christmas:

My daughter got an Ipod from her dad. She spent all day on the internet downloading songs. Yes, it was most definitely a heartwarming family Christmas for us.

Some good things about gifts:

1) I actually picked out clothes that Autumn liked! This is quite monumental, because in my eyes, Autumn is still a 4-year-old girl. So I had to really think outside the box here. What helped was if I could picture someone singing rock 'n roll in it, or perhaps rolling around on a skateboard in it, it was a keeper. And by god, it worked. Yessss.

2) Jerry got me some perfume. THE perfume. The one I've been asking for for the past 6 years. Elizabeth Arden Green Tea. Yummy. I smell so delicious, I'm practically edible. Go ahead, taste me. But only if you are cute. I do have to set some boundaries, ya know?

(Alright, alright...if you are ugly but have money, I'll let you have a little lick.)

Oooooh, lunch. Time for a power nap. Back in 60.

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I'm back. I'm starving. I weighed my options and decided napping was better than eating. So now I get to sit here for the rest of the day while my stomach eats itself. Yay.

One other bit of exciting but non-Christmas-related news:

I have been promoted at the video store! I am now an official key-holder, which means instead of cleaning damn tanning beds and vacuuming, I get to count money! Weeeeee! I so important now. Cute and in charge of the cash. Bliss.

Okay, my loyal blogalicious friends, I'm gonna scoot. Apparently people are wanting to travel today and they are calling here as if this is a place of business. Geez.

Back next year, I promise! Love you, kisses, and all that mushy stuff. Peace, yo.

And he makes his debut...

Happy birthday to my new baby nephew! Yep, my little brother is finally a daddy!

The scoop:

Bryan and Hannah decided to name him Bristol Lee -- so cute! Now if only Bristol doesn't realize he is named after a NASCAR track, we're in good shape.

Anyhoo...he was born last night at 8:11 p.m. This picture was taken less than an hour after delivery. And see how perfect he is? Yes, that's how we Berrymans make 'em. Just ask my daughter. She'll be the first to tell you.

Man, I'm seeing visions of the scrappy kind right about now. This kid is going to hate me and the camera I rode in on.

So welcome to the world, baby Bristol! It's going to be a fun ride. Especially with your crazy, obnoxious auntie by your side (who is already your favorite, by the way -- you don't know it yet, but you'll see...).

Shoppy time

Sorry about the non-post yesterday. I needed Monday to recover from all the shopping. I'm serious. I was like a gal on a mission. I was practically exercising. Urgh.

I got most of my shopping done in Tulsa. Also spent a LOT of time standing in check-out lines. So fun. And do you know how hard it is to find the correct size of anything in a bin when there's been about a billion hands rifling through it? Like nigh impossible. So pretty much the shopping experience became like a game of skill: digging digging digging...why are all these underpants size small?!...digging digging digging...oooh, a medium, getting closer...digging digging digging...crap, small again...certainly not everyone in here has a tiny booty...where's the effen big girl pants?...digging digging digging...ah hah! a large!...ugliest by god underpants on the planet, but dammit they are my size. SCORE.

And that basically sums up the day.

Later in the eve, mom and I went to my office Christmas party. And I am proud to say that our office (out of the 5 in our chain) was recognized for being number one and setting a sales record this year. Wow. My Wasting Time period has really paid off for the company. Must do more of that, I reckon. Heh.

Oh, and the food was delish. My chicken came with like a double scoop of garlic mashed potatoes, and anyone who knows me knows mashed potatoes are my weakness. I was like in carbohydrate heaven, ya'll. Ooooh, I just about peed myself right there. Ahhhh, how I do get excited about my taters, my friends.

After the party, mom and I went shopping some more because apparently torture is our game of choice. Went to Barnes & Noble, Babies R Us, and the Super Target. Picked up way too much crap for the new nephew coming tomorrow. Because that's how crazy aunties do. Or at least this one.

Then we watched a late movie. Which surprises me because mom likes to sleep in movie theatres. But perhaps paying $8 a ticket helped keep her eyes peeled for 2 1/2 hours. I dunno. We watched "The Holiday" and it was super good. I also cried, which is something *I* like to do in movie theatres.

Next day (after a nice long sleep in a sofa bed at the Embassy Suites), we went to Sam's Club and got more stuff. I picked out awesome presents for people, and then mom paid for them. We made a groovy team, man.

So now I'm all ready for the holiday. I do love me some Christmas, ya'll. The only thing to make it better is 80 degree weather and some sunshine.

Alrighty, my loyal blogheads, I'm gonna scoot. It's lunch and I sense a big mashed potato bowl in my future. Have you had those things from KFC? They are magnificient. It is like heaven with gravy on top. Yum.

More later...with hopefully some scrappy bits to share. Oh, and p.s. -- sofa beds are the devil.

Kisses!

Miss me much?

Woah. Where have I been?

It's been over a week since my last posting, and I know ya'll are drooling your damn fool heads off with anticipation. So sorry for my departure...things here have been a wee bit hectic. Work, home, and that crazy social life of mine -- well, what can I say for myself except people love me.

So, huh. What have I done since we last spoke? Okay, here's a list:

1) I went to work at the video store last Friday. And dammit if mom didn't make me mop the flippin' tanning rooms. Oh. My. God. I practically gave myself a charlie horse.

2) I shaved my legs in the shower on Saturday. This is hardly anything exciting except for the fact that a) I had to take my glasses off, b) I am blind as a freakin' bat, and c) I learned not to clean the hairs off the razor with my thumbs when I can't see exactly what I'm doing. Oh yes, my friends. Much blood ensued.

3) Last night was the Video Giant Christmas party. We had a fun little bowling soiree, which is always a good time considering I am the kickingest assest person at bowling ever. (Hmmmm, did I just make up new words? Man, my brain is on fire today!)

Okay, seriously. I suck at the bowling. But if standing around looking pretty was a sport, I'd sooooo totally win.

Anyhoo, I surprised myself by coming in second on my 4-man team. That's practically a monkeys-fly-out-of-my-butt kind of moment right there. But it happened and I got so I excited I peed my pants a little. Heh.

Granted, my two losing partners were my 13-year-old daughter who couldn't give a care less, and my little sister who just had her fingernails done and therefore couldn't bowl a ball properly to save her life. But still. I beat them both, and nothing will change that. Ever. Weeeee!

Alrighty, things coming up in the future that ya'll must know:

1) Going to work at the video store again tonight and tomorrow because I work hard for that $5.15 an hour. Hahahahahahaha.

2) My real job's Christmas party is in Tulsa on Saturday at some frou-frou restaurant. Can't wait because it is food I'd never be able to afford on my own. However, what Travel Service, Inc. doesn't know is that we could go through the Mickey D's drive-thru for all I care; if it's free, I'm lovin' it. But let's just keep that to ourselves shall we? After 10 hard working, dedicated years of service to them, the very least they can do for me is give me a fancy chicken breast with some funky sauce on top.

3) Going shopping for pressies for my darling daughter to unappreciate on Christmas morning. Man, I love that girl!

4) My brother is having his baby in 1 week! This is the mostest excitingest news on the planet! Baby Bristol is coming and I'm going to be the most obnoxious aunt alive! Can't wait! My brother has already informed us all that Bristol will want race tracks and remote-controlled cars for Christmas this year. Yeah, ok. Diapers it is, then!

And now for some things that I haven't been doing but I should because it is sending my OCD into a hyper-spazmatastic-seizure sort of thing:

1) I haven't read a book in light years. I miss it so much. Books and I -- well, we were best friends just a few short months ago. And now, the one I started about two weeks ago is still sitting on my coffee table looking all rejected and pitiful. I swear, if it were a person it would have died by now.

2) I haven't scrapbooked properly in over a week. I know. This is serious business, peoples. I have made one lousy layout since the last one I posted for you. Just one. And it wasn't even a very good one. Something better inspire me soon, or I may s'plode from all the anxiety.

So I'm pretty much exhausted now from the never-ending typing today. I just wanted to catch ya'll up on the exciting nothingness that is my life. I apologize for my absence, but dangit if this wasn't one of the best posts ever, right? See. I take care of my peeps.

Love ya'll.

I'm ready for my close-up

Today, my friends, I am officially famous. You are now reading the blog of one who is on the brink of greatness. On the cusp of notoriety. In the crosshairs of the paparazzi. I am practically a household name right now.

Here's why:

The bookstore next door called me -- ME -- and asked if I wanted to participate in their little commercial. I was stunned into blindness (by my name in 600-watt lighting, of course). I was so honored, so excited, so completely relieved that finally finally I've been recognized for the talent I so obviously am.

The rundown:

I was supposed to sit in a chair, drink a latte, and pretend to read a book. Oh, and look pretty, but that is a given. Sounds easy right? I mean, I was pretty much born to do this. Heh.

But when I get to the bookstore today, they switched things up on me. I added a little acting to the repetoire, peoples! So coolio. I was told to stand with one of the employees, hold a book, and talk to each other (the employee, not the book). So the employee girl grabs a book off the shelf, which turns out to be one on George and Martha Washington. The director told me to hold the book and for her to point out something to me in it. And ad-lib...go!

Do you know how flippin' hard it is to talk about nothing when you are supposed to act like you are talking about something?! The best thing I could think of was "Martha Washington is sexy." I hope to god no one is a lip reader or I very well could have ruined the commercial. Eh.

However, it was a lot of fun and I gots me a free hot chocolate and biscotti out of the deal. Weeeee! You know me and free food -- we's best friends.

Gotta scoot now. I have to go interract with my public. Ciao my lovelies!

And for my good friend, G --

I know you've been asking and begging and pleading and going nuts with the waiting. Well, I will admit that I haven't scrapped in like a week, and therefore not enabling you properly, and I'm so so sorry. But lookie -- a layout! All for you.

Okay, okay. It's not the best thing I've ever done. In fact, looking at it right now sorta gives me the cramps. But it's all I have. It will have to do. And now maybe you can go make some mediocre masterpieces all on your very own.

You're welcome. Kisses!

Me no likey

Sure, it looks beautiful, but don't let it deceive you. It is 7 inches of disaster just waiting to happen. Blech.

Seriously, you should see it now...all iced over and sludgy and jacked up and pitted from all the tires spinning in it. It is muddy and black and disgusting. So not cool at all. Oh, winter, you truly are the devil.

Well, I could go on and on with this, but I will start to irritate myself, and I just don't feel like putting up with me today. So in other news...

My daughter is a chinese acrobat. See:

Isn't this hilarious? I have no idea how she does it. Perhaps she is missing a few ribs; I dunno. But dang, girl! Go all Cirque de Soliel on yourself! Weeeeee!

Good lord, I need a life.

I have some very exciting news for ya'll but I think I'll wait until tomorrow to divulge. Primarily because if I don't spread out the good news, I will have the worst damn blog on earth ever ever. So you will have to settle down. But it's worth it. You'll see.

And now goodbye.

Hellooooo, you

First of all, a shout out to my peeps for being so precious. I love ya'll -- you make me feel so happy on the inside. Ahhhhh. So love!

Okay, now that I got the mushy crap out of the way, let's get down to business.

This weekend, I was duped. I believe it was a conspiracy. Here's how:

I went over to my brother's house on Sunday to help paint the nursery. I was super excited because this is my baby nephew we are talking about here! Couldn't wait. But as soon as I get there, my bro started shooing me off in the direction of the kitchen to...what the freak!...do the damn dishes. I'm sorry, wha....? I don't DO dishes. I'm totally serious. At home, I even have a dishwasher that barely does my dishes, that's how much I don't do dishes. Just saying the word "dishes" gives me hives.

Anyhoo...

So mom and I are doing the dishes. And I was practically throwing up in my mouth. Do you know how gross it is to touch other people's food that is floating around in a sink full of water? Blech.

Oh, blech again.

Man, I think I've found a new respect for my dishwashing machine. Because if I have to touch big floating mashed potato blobs again, I may have an anxiety attack. For reals.

Okay, next.

I did get to paint the room, though. Hannah and Bryan picked out two shades of green and brown for trim that matches the baby's elephant decor. So cute! And I was like the best painter ever on earth. Aside from the big brown swish I made on the light green wall, I believe I am ready for some side jobs. But without the dishwashing. And the hard work. And the manual labor.

So call me!

Oh, and check out this momentary lapse of sanity that I made. I got a second job. I know! But my mom was desperate for some honest, loyal employees that know how to look cute behind a counter. And, well, if that wasn't right up my alley, I don't know what would be. So yes, my friends, you are looking at the newest clerk at Video Giant. Bringing all the boys to the yard 'cause I know how to work it. Heh.

Gotta go be all travel agent-y for a bit. More good stuff tomorrow! Love you.