Sales reps take note...

It's always a day of eye-rolling excitement when the sales reps stop by. They always come when we are super busy and don't really have time to chat, or when we are really slow and the last thing we want to do is talk to people. Ha.

Anyhoo, today's sales rep came bearing gifts. Why, so glad to see you! Now gimme the freebies and get the ef out.

Usually we will get a Tootsie Roll or some other lamewad piece of candy in exchange for promises of our business. I'm thinking, bring by a super-sized Almond Joy and I'm yours for life. And a massage would be nice, too. However, today the rep outdid herself. In order to celebrate the new Mexico flights they are offering, she pulled nacho chips and cheese sauce out of her goodie bag. Oh my dear god. That is free lunch right there.

As soon as she left, I waited the appropriate 1.45 seconds before tearing into my food. I didn't even bother with heating up the cheese sauce -- 15 seconds is, oh, about 14.99 seconds too long when you are as hungry as me.

Oh, I was in a orange-y, cheesy, gooey heaven! A veritable fiesta in a bag! Way better than that swedish meatball Lean Cuisine I had originally planned. Mucho yummy-o for my tummy-o. (That is Spanish for "hands off my chips 'n cheese, sucka.")

Alright, so what have we learned today, children? I give you this:

1) All bribes are required to come in large packages. Or in gift cards. Or in monetary form.
2) If you are a sales rep and no freebies are forthcoming, I am not listening as you speak. La-la-la-la-la-la.
3) Should there even be a number three? I'm pretty sure 1 and 2 made the point obviously clear.

No more talky now. I am tired. And I know I promised ya'll a funny hypochondriac story, but I just don't feel like it anymore. But here's a tiny tidbit because I love you:

I'm pretty sure milk magically turns to poison when it hits its expiration date.

Ok. That's it. For real. Bye-bye.