Happy Halloween!

Halloween is now officially my favorite holiday. Why, you ask? Well, since the kids are older (13 and 14), it is the only holiday where I don't have to buy a dadgum thing. And that leaves more money in my pocket for ME, which is always a good thing. Weeeeee!

I'm tellin' ya -- I hated buying costumes when the girls were younger. I have no idea why. I always put it off until the very last minute. And then they ended up getting the most retarded costumes ever -- like a pumpkin sweatshirt and some orange tights or a "cat girl" -- whatever the freak that is.

Seriously. One year, when Autumn was 5 or so, she went as a baby. The costume consisted of a robe, nightgown and Baby Bop slippers -- you know, stuff she already had since apparently going to Wal-mart and finding something cuter was simply out of the question. I did, however, add a personal touch by making pigtails and homemade freckles. I mean, come on, I get points for that, certainly?

This year, though, the girls are on their own. You wanna dress up you by god better be handy with the scissors because momma's not making nothin'! Or buying crap.

So here's what they've done:

Paige decided she was going to be a man. She got the shirt and the boots and the trucker cap. But the piece de resistance -- a flippin' beard made out of coffee grounds! I'm serious ... the girl smeared syrup around her mouth, chin and jaw and dadgum dipped her face in a vat of coffee. Hilarious! This morning she was asking my "expert" advice on whether her mustache should go all the way down to her lip. Ummmm, yeah. Whatever, chic.

Autumn, on the other hand, went a little more low key. She sprayed her hair black, put on black eyeliner, lipstick and nail polish, and went as a skater. Hmmmm. That is kind of like how, when I was in junior high, we would wear t-shirts and shorts and say we were beach bums.

But however you say it, I didn't have to spend a thing. And that, my friends, is the most awesome-est of all things awesome. Next to filching your children's candy stash, that is.