4th of July Mayhem

Back at work. I have been so busy today it is not even funny. I just got back from lunch and decided, dammit, I'm taking a break. So here I am, my blog-tastic friends, so get ready.

Alright, first things first. For all those who were looking forward to seeing Jerry in a speedo (and you know you were): That was a joke. Jerry does not own a speedo. Speedos should be against the law. Women never EVER want to see a man's wobbly bits dangling around inside a speedo at the pool. Sorry, we just don't.

However, if you are a stripper, and I'm at a club and drinking a li'l bit -- bring it on! Dangly bits and all.

'K, next part -- bikinis. Now this I was serious on. However, mom forbade me to post her picture on this blog, and despite the fact it was 4th of July, and there is such a thing of freedom of speech (and/or posting half-naked pictures of your mother on the internet) that is directly related to the holiday via the Constitution of the United States of America -- I promised I would behave. Hmmmphf.

But here is my sister, who didn't give a crap:

What a sexy bitch. And look -- she's reading my scrapbook mag. I've turned her into a little scrapbooker! Either that or I forced her to hold it while I took this picture. Not sure which. Details are fuzzy.

And here is me, mom and Katy:


This picture was taken after mom stopped being drunk. She looks good hungover! And look how she envelopes her babies with her two loving, motherly arms. She rocks.

Fine. She wasn't drunk. But the story is much funnier if you just pretend. However, she did have a strawberry dacquiri and a pina colada, both of which were pawned off on me a few times. Get your devil drink away, I say!

(Oh, allright, just a sip ...)

(Or two.)

(Here, just gimme the whole thing. Now shoo.)

Eventually, I ended up with pina colada spilled all down the left side of my pants. Which is all mom's fault for putting the cup on the arm of my lawn chair. The stupid errors of judgement one makes while intoxicated. Tsk, tsk.

So to recap, our holiday was great, everyone had a wonderful time, and I'm pretty sure they all enjoyed my madcap photo adventures. And quite possibly the bestest part of the whole day -- mom and me shucking corn like two girls on the prairie. Precious.