It's Me. The End.

Movin' On

2008-03-11T17:17:00.000-05:00

Since Net Nanny has ruined my work life as I know it, I've had to move the blog somewhere else.

Currently, you can find me at http://itsmetheend.wordpress.com ... as long as Net Nanny doesn't stalk me there, too.

Thanks for reading this blog, and hope to see you over at the new site. For all those who have me bookmarked or linked, change it now.

Thank you. The End.

Crappity crap.

2007-10-03T20:17:00.000-05:00

Someone stinks. And her name is Net Nanny.

Yep, I am coming to you from my mother's computer because, once again, my computer privileges at work have diminished somewhat a little bit slightly. But it isn't just Myspace that they've taken away, it's just about everything.

No more:

1) Online poker. What the sam hell? What am I supposed to now while I'm on hold with the never-ending blackhole that is Delta Airlines?

2) Crafter's Choice. I don't even like this site ... I simply go on there to decline my editor's choices so they wont send me unwanted packages in the mail. But now, I can't even click on my editor's choices without Net Nanny telling me it is being blocked because it falls under the category, Intimate Apparel. Ohhhh, realllly? So scrapping books = lingerie now? Well, won't Brad be happy about that.

3) Reading emails that have the "F" word in them. Seriously. Net Nanny reads everything.

And I swear, if any of you sends me an email with the "F" word in it just so you can get a little giggle at my expense ... well, there might be a few karate chops in store for you.

Just sayin.'

4) And finally ... blogger. That's right. I can't even access my beloved Blogger account. And that = the suckiest of all things that suck on this planet. Besides exercise and Net Nanny, of course.

I have discovered, however, that no one else in the office is being blocked. Which irritates me to no end, but a reprieve is a reprieve. Looks as if Bill's computer is my new best friend, ya'll.

On a much happier note, Katy turned 18 yesterday. Mom and I took her to the casino because nothing says "I love you" more than corrupting your baby sister.

Alrighty, I'm done now. Hope you've enjoyed the post you've been dying to read for over a week now. Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to post about next time. Like the time my daughter posed with a pork bone in her hand.

Trust me. You will likeeee.

So very, very absentary

2007-09-25T16:42:00.000-05:00

Hush. It's a word.

I don't know what it is about work, but people have been calling here as if this is a place of business. I'm like, sheesh people! Don't you know I'm in the midst of some very important Myspacin'?

But apparently there are crisises (crisii?) abounding. And only I can fix them. *Sigh* Sometimes it is painful to be so genius.

But on a lighter note ... Fall TV (in the form of Dancing With the Stars) debuted last night! And must I say, I want boobs that don't move just like Scary Spice! I'm not even kidding ... those things were lactating miracles. How she just had a baby and her boobs aren't dangling by her belly button is beyond me. Maybe I should be wearing a leotard with magic hoisting powers. Certainly that is the secret.

Looking forward to the men dancing tonight. I am interested in seeing Cameron Mathison do his thing as he sooo couldn't walk down the stairs last night without tripping over his own feet. Probably doesn't bode well for the dancing, but we shall see.

And as for The Bachelor -- did ya'll see it? Apparently he is the sexiest bachelor yet. And I'm thinking, huh, really? Well, if you like that sort of caterpillar-y eyebrow thing, then yeah, he's alright.

K, I'm out. Gotta go sling some videos tonight with Sadie. Hopefully I will have a better, more exciting post for you tomorrow. Regardless, love you miss you wanna kiss you (but only the cute ones)!

I am boring...

2007-09-20T16:22:00.000-05:00

...and not a very good blogger today. I am almost certain this post will have nothing by way of entertainment, education or interest in it whatsoever. So let that be a warning to you if you choose to proceed.

(And you do.)

Current state:

1. Eating a chocolate caramel candy bar that the paper boy sold to me.

2. Swigging down a bottled water that I've been drinking on since last night. I figure day-old water is a billion times more healthy than the latte I've been craving since lunch time. But then again, maybe the candy bar has cancelled that out.

Hrmphf. Whatev.

3. Corresponding with my beau on Myspace. Did I tell you I got that back? Yeah, apparently high tech firewall equipment and our archaic invoice printers are no likeee. Hahahaha! So because my boss would rather have travel itineraries print out for our customers instead of keep me from giving the whole universe a virus (of the computer kind, to make that clear), I am now officially back on Myspace duty. Trust me, you have no idea what this does to my office morale.

Oh my gawd. I'm about 2 keystrokes shy of pocket protector. Good gravy.

4. Still harboring Dorito crumbs inside my fake fingernail. And maybe some mold.

But hey! Guess what happens starting September 24? None other than the beginning of ABC premiere week! I so excite! There's nothing I want to see more than Wayne Newton and Marie Osmond duking it out for the Dancing With the Stars crown. And then, of course, The Bachelor is back to pick the girl of his dreams that he won't marry. Although I saw a teaser that said we won't believe how the show ends. I'm intrigued ... simply because I don't see how anything else could happen other than him admitting he is gay.

Alrighty, I'm off. But I will leave you with this:

You may have to click on it to make it bigger, but Brad is wrestling an anaconda out in the jungle. Or a plastic snake glued to the top of a fake rock at the zoo. Your choice.

And the boy in the corner ... that is either Brad's son, Jordan, or a funny little Asian head I found online and photoshopped onto the picture for laughs.

Toodles!

Happy Birthday!

2007-09-18T10:26:00.001-05:00

Today is Brad's 30th birthday, so here's a little shoutout to my old man!

And I know technically I am three years older than him. However, in woman years, I am only 21. I don't really understand the math, but that's just the way it works.

Picture at left was taken this past weekend at the St. Louis Zoo. We took the kids plus Brad's dad, his girlfriend, another friend and her daughter went as well. We rode down there in a huge 15 passenger van. And can I just say with 3 boy kids in there, we might as well have been traveling in a clown car. Cuz I don't know what it is about taking trips, but it makes little boys want to poke people, ask questions, need to pee (like, A LOT), whine that Jaylon's arm is touching me, and other such behavior. It is an adventure, needless to say.

But as for the birthday soiree this evening, there is lots of fun to be had. And it includes pizza. Which is enough said. (And also presents, although not for me, so the point is moot.)

Happy birthday, baby! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is in their 30s. We are on equal ground now, my dear (except, of course, I am still the boss). I love you!

Cuteness...

2007-09-13T13:50:00.000-05:00

...Who ordered the cuteness? Cuz I got your cuteness right here.

Awwwww. What is it about naked babies that make you wanna go all squishy on the inside? And sitting in a seashell no less. Priceless.

I'd get me one if it wasn't for the pooping and the having to take care of it all the time. Dang babies. Hrmphf.

But I make a great babysitter! Just drop your kids off between the hours of stinky diaper change and What the Sam Hell is That NOISE, and we're all set.

Sigh. Babies. So love.

Education is a good thing -- or, NOW it is

2007-09-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

If you get a chance to go see The Bodies exhibit, by all means, go. Brad and I took the kids to see it in Branson a couple weekends ago, and it was truly fascinating. However, having said that, "slightly creepy" would be another good descriptive because these are real dead bodies here, people ... and they leave the penises on.

Alrighty now, kids ... Focus ...

For those who have no clue as to what I'm talking about, I urge you to click on the link I gave you -- as I am not scientifically qualified enough (read: too damn lazy) to try to explain it. But in all seriousness, this exhibit was well worth the hour and a half I spent wandering around, reading all the incredible information about the human body.

And also, let's face it, pretending not to stare at the penises.

New e-mail rule

2007-09-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

Number 147: If you ask me a question in your e-mail by way of saying, "May I ask you a question," without actually asking me the question, therefore leaving me in suspended excitement (which isn't all that fun, trust me) until you respond back to my email stating quite clearly that Yes, you may ask me a dadgum question, but then you effing disappear for like eons for no apparent reason whatsoever other than just needing to have a good laugh at my expense because you know I'm on the other end about to pee my pants ...

*deep breath*

Consequence to this behavior shall be a karate chop to an area towards the front and centrally located, complete with a hi-yahh and spitlets.

Way to avoid said consequence: take all the information given above and do the exact opposite. This should cover things quite nicely.

Also, please note, an Addendum:

Number 147, Paragraph 4, Section 1 -- Those named Brad shall benefit quite nicely from following this new email etiquette. Or so I've been told.

Learned something

2007-09-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

And it is this:

Artificial nails are nothing more than trapper keepers for things like Dorito crumbs and brownie bits.

And I know this cuz I gots both of them in there.

Urgh.

Oh, and one last thing...

2007-09-06T15:50:00.000-05:00

We are the two most cutest people on the planet. Here's proof:

See me practically all up in his grill? Like about 2 seconds shy of "Get A Room"? Yeah. We like that all the time. Seriously. We will make you throw up.

It's fantastic.

Icky. Boo.

2007-09-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those days where your sinuses feel like they've been hit in the balls with a steel-toed boot by a girl who just found out her boyfriend likes to dress up in ladies underwear?

Yeah. Today's my day.

(Not the boyfriend thing, but the sinuses. You know, to make that clear.)

I feel like poop. Not even a latte makes me feel better. And I'm pretty sure mashed potatoes won't do a dang thing for me either. The only thing that worked was the neck rub from Brad at about 3 o'clock this morning. But then he decided he needed something called "sleep" and so therefore, I kissed my massage goodbye. Blah. He doesn't even realize how close he came to getting a birthday present.

(Which is in 1 week and 5 days, and he will be an age that is not quite 29 but not quite 31 either. Be sure to tease him mercilessly. He will likee.)

Okay, I'm leaving now. I am in dire need of a nap and some NyQuil. And if ya'll don't feel sorry enough for me already, then something is wrong with your brain.

The end.

It's a birthday fandango!

2007-09-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

I know ya'll didn't forget my birfday ... so by your lack of exalting me with gift giving, I will assume you were planning a soiree so huge, that it was just virtually impossible to get it all arranged by August 30.

That's okay. I'll wait.

In the meantime, here's good schtuff:

First stop ... salon. Where I gots me some french manicure and a 7-years-in-the-making pedicure. Mom treated, or else I wouldn't be there. Seriously, it's nice to be pampered, but not on my wallet. That sounds terrible, but it's true. I also don't go to the gym unless someone holds a gun to my head. Same principle.

Oh, but hey ... added bonus just for you, as a reward for planning that huge, yet severely belated birthday shindig! Not only do you get to see me sitting in a vibrating chair (weeeee!), but you also get to see the lady next to me hacking the hell out of her corns.

Wow. Good timing on that pic, Mom. And so I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

But look at the after ... wow! Still ugly feet, but the toenails are divine. (And I swear, if I hear you giggling, I will touch you with them. Like on a sweaty day after wearing plastic shoes.)

Later, Brad came over and he took me out to dinner. For the very first time in my life, I finally decided it was not okay to order chicken at Red Lobster. And so I ate a crab cake. With a remoulade sauce on it. Which is a fancy term for Thousand Island dressing, cuz seriously ... there be pickles in it.

Anyhoo.

Gifts from Brad include a pink RAZR cell phone, a satiny lavender shirt, grey pin-striped pants, and cute black heels -- all being worn by me today, so get ready cuz you know there's a picture forthcoming. But the piece de resitance ... the best gift ever given to me by any guy ever in the universe and beyond to infinity ... THIS:

That's right, ladies. My man scrapbooked me a birthday card. Oh my ever-lovin' GAWD. If I wasn't already in love, this here would be my stepping stone. *Sigh*

If you don't have a man who makes you stuff, you better get one. Cuz nothing spells "love" better than a guy who will break out the glue and stickers just to make his lady smile.

(Well, that and bringing me mashed potatoes when I don't feel like it. Cuz you all know once I hit that couch, there better be a tornado coming, or I ain't gettin' up.)

I've got stuff...

2007-09-04T10:50:00.001-05:00

...yes I do! But you will have to wait. Work has reared it's ugly head today, and I'm thinking ... blasphemy! It is Goof-Off Tuesday ... what is wrong with people?!

So I will come back lata when I have more time. But I know ya'll've (yes, that's a word) been stalking me and wondering what the frickety frack sam hell holy crap on a cracker (don't lie ... you said exactly that). For some bizarre reason, I've been crazy busy like woah. And I don't take too kindly to that. But eh. What can I do?

Anyhoo, I've got pictures to show and stories to tell, and you won't wanna miss it. Now go squirm a little in anticipation.

I like it spicy

2007-08-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd shake things up a bit in here and not show up to post anything yesterday. Keeps it all fresh and exciting, I think.

Ok. Actually, I was just very busy goofing off. It takes a lot of time to do that, ya know? Well, if you do it properly, that is. I've been trying to win a phone off Ebay cuz my darling beau gave me some early birfday money so I can replace the hideous Audiovox from hell. It's not going so good ... all the phones I want are super expensive. And I'm like, wtf? You are a phone, you are not a mother effing tiara ... be cheap like you are supposed to! Man, I hate it when stuff can't play by the rules.

(Wow. I about cussed in there. So, you know I mean business then. Heh.)

But I have bid on a loverly pink RAZR. And I am not telling you anything other than that, cause I know someone in here's gonnna think it be funny to outbid me for kicks. Trust me when I say this: Not Funny. It is so Not Funny, it gets capital letters. Also, there might be a little karate choppin' to the throat. Your throat; not mine.

Anyhoo...

But back to the point of this post. Which is my ever-lovin' birthday, ya'll! So you have about two days to arrange your gifts. Thanks.

Now for some parting words ... I am the best scrapbooker on the planet. Serious, if you don't believe me, just look:

Ka-yoooot! The top one is Cherry Arte Cosmic Energy line, and I effing cut out all those stars like it was my damn job! Very painstakingly, I might add. The black wavy strip on paper on there is my take on the Milky Way. Which really has nothing to do with my daughter in a mud fight. But it's dang adorable, so whatev.

Bottom one is Fancy Pants Floral Chic line. The big brown flourish-y thing was hand painted by me. I hardly ever get out my paints, so eat this one up, peoples! And while you are at it, click on the picture to make it big so you can see all the sweet little details I added. You will likeeee.

(Yes, you will. Cuz why again? ..... That's right.)

Alrighty. I just got about 893736487 emails for travel requests. Gah! It's Tuesday ... National Goof Off Day (I think. Or else I made that up.) What is wrong with America, making me work on a holiday?

Boo.

We be's tourists!

2007-08-24T16:21:00.000-05:00

So this past weekend, Brad and I took the kids to Fantastic Caverns in Springfield, MO. It is a ride-thru cave that was first discovered back in 1862 by a farmer's dog when it crawled through it's entrance. However, it took 12 more years before anyone was brave enough to explore it's insides. Those first explorers ...

.... Okay, so I lost you, didn't I?

Well anyway.

The cave was a hit. The boys had a lot of fun. It was entertaining while having lots of educational value. Especially the part where the tour guide turned out all the lights so we could experience what they call "natural cave light." It is basically a big, black bit of can't-see-my-hand-2-centimeters-in-front-of-my-face. But it is also known as a "great time to make out in front of a tram-load of people and them not even know it."

But we wouldn't know a thing about that.

Scraptastic!

2007-08-23T15:33:00.001-05:00

Here are three of my most recent layouts. I give you permission to scraplift. (And you will, cuz quite frankly, you can't stop yourself.)

First up is one I did of my little smarty pants sister, who knows anything and everything about all the stuff I don't. So this little layout is my tribute to myself and how I can impart a few words of wisdom every once in awhile. (Although my "words of wisdom" came straight off a page of rub-ons. But whatev.)

For those that care, the patterned paper is Daisy D's Modern Romance line. For those who don't ... well, suck it up cause there ain't nothin' else in this dang post for you to enjoy.

Alrighty.

Next is the very first layout I've ever done of my little baby, Bristol! He makes his scrapping debut right here ... weeeeee!

There are all sorts of crafty bits on this one, so you might want to click on the pic to make it bigger. The writing on the background paper, the glitter on the starbursts ... okay, well that's only two crafty bits. So not really "all sorts." But I suppose I like to call things what they really are not (see "story" post below). Heh. It's a sickness.

And p.s. ... Paper line is Chatterbox.

And lastly, perhaps my favorite-est one of all, the gorgeous Bristol in all his 15-minutes-old glory:

Oh my gawd, can you stand it?! Ka-yooot! And as for Bristol ... we'll he's cute, too. Heheh.

You will definitely need to click on the pic here so you can see the Heidi Swapp snowflakes (and my obsessive use of staples my sweetie, Brad, had so kindly pointed out ... but what he doesn't realize is his OCD is way worse ... oh how wonderful it is for this Virgo to be in love with another Virgo ... bliss!).

(And it really is BLISS ... you know, in case Brad reads this or something.)

Okay, peoples, that's two posts in one day. And if you don't love me now more than ever, then apparently your brain's done took a vacay.

About 1 hour left of working. I suppose I'll start.

Dianna as "Nerd"

2007-08-23T10:52:00.000-05:00

So yeah. Fall TV is just around the corner. And nothin' brings out the nerdy in me than new TV shows that I can add to the DVR. I'm getting so giddy just thinking about it, I'm practically peeing my pants a li'l.

(You were waiting for the LOL, but there isn't one. I'm wearing a pantyshield just in case.)

Anyhoo.

I don't even care what is on NBC, CBS or FOX. I am an ABC girl. Don't ask why. That is just part of my nerdish charm, I guess. And when they have successful ratings, I'm pretty sure it is all because of me. Or it could just be my delusions of grandeur kicking in. But whatev.

Okay, so here is what I've decided:

Sunday -- Desperate Housewives
Monday -- Dancing with the Stars, Samantha Who, The Bachelor
Tuesday -- Cavemen, Carpoolers, Dancing with the Stars (results)
Wednesday -- Pushing Daisies, Private Practice
Thursday -- Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy
Friday -- Men in Trees

And because I am the boss of you (we've went over this before), you, too, will watch all of these shows. However, I will allow you The Singing Bee and American Idol because I think we all need a little music culture in our lives. (Plus making fun of other people is always good for the soul.)

With that said, you better believe I have my schedule all printed and taped up next to the TV. I may even scrapbook it later.

...
...
...

What?

Is that weird?

Eh.

So now I must go do travel agent-y things. I have people coming in to see me at 2pm, so I suppose they'd like their quote worked up before then. Geez.

Back tomorrow.

So...

2007-08-21T14:27:00.001-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you?

Yeah. Freaky, huh?

A happy day!

2007-08-20T16:48:00.000-05:00

For the mail, that is. Otherwise, it's crap.

(Well, what?! It's Monday.)

Anyhoo, I walked to the post office today. Yes, I said "walked." Calm down. I'd do just about anything to get out of working, you know that. Sooo... need me to take your poop sample to the lab for ya? Yeah. I'm your girl.

But back to my story.

Well, it's not really a story per se. I mean, nothing really exciting or anything of value happens. There is no plot. No interesting characters. No dialogue. I suppose, basically, what I am telling you is a facsimilie of a story. Something resembling a story, but without all the story-like elements of which an actual story might contain.

Which is interesting, now that I think about it. Cause I'm pretty sure everything I've ever said in here has never been a story. Although I may have hyped them up to be stories. But in reality, they were sham stories. Fakers. Little non-stories with story-esque disguises on them.

But on the bright side, my stories are not that bad as far as fake stories go, now are they? I mean, they at least entertain like a story. Perhaps make you laugh a little. I'm almost certain they never make you think, or else no thinking beyond the realm of "Is she retarded?" Cuz stories don't necessarily have to make you think, do they? Their job is just to BE, right? And to be enjoyed.

And well, strictly speaking, I personally enjoy reading my own stories, so why shouldn't you? (You just should. Because why, again? Cause I am the boss of you. Very good.)

Anyway, my point.

Huh.

I've lost the whole purpose of this post. Hold on. I need to scroll ...

...

...

...

Oh, yeah. Mail. I got a huge order of photos from Snapfish today.

That's all.

See ya.

Note on the weekend

2007-08-20T14:45:00.001-05:00

I have discovered that little boys may not pay any attention to you whatsoever. But once you say "poop," suddenly you are their hero.

Breaky lemon cakey

2007-08-17T17:15:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhhh, the weekend. Can't think of anything better than that word right there. It's been a heckuva week at work, and I am in such dire need of nothing to do.

"Nothing to do," of course, translates into the following:

a) Watch lots of reality tv ... I have Real Word Sydney, Design Star, Property Ladder, Flipping Out, Last Comic Standing and Top Chef to get caught up on. Sounds like bliss.

b) Read lots of retarded magazines ... I mean, good quality periodicals with such names as US Weekly, Star and In Touch.

c) Get some pages turned in my book of three months ... cause I'm on the chapter about circumsizing the Turkish princes and there is a party in the city! (Ahhh, to be alive during the Ottoman Empire circa 1788. Foreskin soup, anyone?)

d) Go out to eat at fancy restaurants with Brad (where he pays and he likes it that way).

e) Play some Blackjack ... I achieve a certain zen-like quality by sitting next to smoking, drunk people trying to give you tips on whether to hit or stand. As if they are in control of the cards any more than I am, right? So, I find that playing footsie with the dealer is your best bet. If not to win at Blackjack, at least to make a new friend.

Hope ya'll have a groovy weekend. Here is a photo of Sadie and me to aid you in your happy thoughts:

We just touched wet money. It was gross.

Toodles!

My obsession is BAAAACK.

2007-08-16T10:59:00.000-05:00

And Brad should beware. Cuz basically if he sticks with me, I'm using all his money to buy my scrap supplies.

Just sayin'.

I am super happy to say that I have been scrapping so much more lately, and have even re-joined one of my kit clubs because ... well, mostly cuz I like getting packages in the mail. (Seriously, you can send me anything and I will like it. Unless it explodes. That's not so fun.)

But the other reason why I re-joined is because quite simply ... I LIKE PAPER. I like the colors, the textures, the varieties, the newness, the cleanliness of it. I like the prospect of what I can turn it into. Granted, sometimes I turn it into a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of crap, but for the most part I like the creating process. So in order to create, I need paper. And the quickest, most hassle-free way for me to get it is to sit on my lazy ass and have them bring it to me.

Here are two layouts I made earlier this week. Hope you likeeee:

First up is some paper by American Crafts, with a ho ho bunch of other stuff on it. Like Bazzill flowers, Heidi Grace pins, 7 Gypsies stickers, and Creative Imaginations rub-ons. I had waaaaaay too much fun with this page. But lookie how pretty!

And now this last layout is a little less "stuffed" but I love how matchy matchy the paper and photo is. You can't tell much, but Bryan's shirt is navy with bit of red on it, and Hannah's shirt is dark purple. I know. And if I could be any more genius, I'd swear they'd be saving me a seat down at the NASA.

So the paper line is Daisy D's and the stickers and rub-ons are by Creative Imaginations. Oh, and photo frame by Hambly.

And all you non-scrapper's are most likely taking a snooze right now. So sorry. I promise I will soon have a pointless, rambling post all for YOU. Wait for it.

That's all for now. Off to enjoy my cranberry Dr. Pepper and get all giddy-like while waiting for lunch. Not for eating, mind you (cuz eating is over-rated), but for the napping that will ensue. Yesssss.

And so it begins

2007-08-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Autumn's first day of school started today. Eighth grade. How did this happen? I mean, seriously. Where did my little tiny baby go ... you know, the one that liked to spill Cheerios all over the carpet? The one who liked to hit herself in the head with photo frames after toppling the wicker etagerie over? The one that liked to poop all up her backside when we were out in public?

Now she is a bratty, bossy, cranky, PMS-y 13-year-old who can't have too many boyfriends or too much time on the computer. My daughter ... the thorn in my side, yet still the sunshine in my life. Growing up, edging ever closer to leaving me.

Blah. I've done depressed myself.

So, getting back on track, per tradition, the ever popular first day of school photo:

I do believe she is excited.

Did ya'll notice her new brown hair? Yeah, you did and it's effin schweet. It's called Loreal Feria Deeply Brown#40, or as I like to refer to it as Whiny Ass Begging For It Emergency Wal-mart Trip #1. Also known as Saved Myself A Billion Dollars And Did It Myself. Either one.

(Shout out to my salon pals, Sadie and Stacy! You know I'd be all up in your business if Autumn hadn't decided like *rightnow* to color her hair. Twerp.)

Oh, but hey! Look what else I did:

I scrapbooked her effin' schedule. Hahahahahah! You can't tell much in the picture. Perhaps you shall click on it and make it bigger. (Yes you shall.) Anyway, I used the Love, Elsie products and some cute Bazzill Bitty Blossoms. And then pretty much went a little bit crazy like woah.

Mmmmm, k. I feel really boring today. I think I need a latte. With some vodka in it.

Alrighty, I'm out. (And serious about the vodka.) Til' tomorrow ...

You want photos?

2007-08-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

I gots the photos! So prepare yourself.

First up is the cutest couple in all the planet. (Seriously, we checked.)

This was taken on Saturday night prior to us getting all kinds of crazy at the Blackjack tables. We each put in $20 and played for a couple hours on it. Didn't make any money, but dadgummit if we didn't lose any either. Win/win, I say.

Next, is the adorable Mr. Bristol and me. Mom babysat him overnight while Bryan and Hannah went camping, and we had the best time. (I say that, of course, because I wasn't in charge of waking up in the middle of the night to tend to any crying babies. I was just there to enjoy him during the non-crying, non-pooping times.)

Perhaps I should have taken out the binkie before the photo shoot. But on the other hand, the binkie sort of disguises the look of absolute terror on his face. I'm pretty sure he is just in awe of the fact that I'm the best auntie ever. And not because he is scared of my shirt.

Next is my baby having a little snack. I swear I didn't make him do it. He just likes the taste of velour.

Gawd, that's cute. I want one. (Velour blankie, not baby. Just to make that clear.)

And lastly, a parting shot of Mr. Handsome himself. I just love him so much, it's unreal. I could take picture after picture of this cheek-pinching face. And I am not kidding when I say this ... he looks sooooo much more adorable in real life. (Except for the pooping, but I've mentioned that already, I think.)

And that's all for now. I will have more later. You will not want to miss the rest of the Video Giant photo shoot, nor the best scrap pages I've done in ... well, since the last best scrap page.

Toodle-loo, my bloggerazzi. Stalk me more later, k?

(And p.s. THANKS for the comments from my lurkers. I about peed myself from so much happiness. You rock.)

Just one thing...

2007-08-13T13:57:00.000-05:00

...and it's boring as hell.

Well, it's Monday. You can't expect me to be brilliant and witty on a Monday, can you?

(The answer to that question is always no. Write it down.)

So I made this page on Friday. It is the layout I had dreamed (dreamt?) in my head. I am feeling much better about this one than that last horrid thing I made. I'm hoping perhaps my mojo is back ... at least temporarily. Because gawd, I hate scrapper's block. It = balls.

Well, that sounds like the perfect ending to today's post. In fact, I should probably end all future posts with the word "balls" because it really puts me in a good mood. And makes me giggle ... cuz damn, that word's funny!

Anyhoo...

This post has spiraled all to hell.

I do, however, have some great photos of Bristol, Brad and me, and more of the Sadie/Dianna Photo Show to reveal. But I's tired now.

Boo.

Lurkers de-lurk!

2007-08-10T11:19:00.000-05:00

I know you are out there. I can see you. So why ain't you talking, leaving me comments? Have you done gone mental?

Seriously ya'll. Just say something, anything. Do not leave this page without clicking the comment button. I mean it! Or else*.

*(Or else ... hmmm. Well, I'll think of something. No doubt it will be very painful and scary.)

Gotta work at the video store yet again tonight. I'm plain exhausted! Last night really did a number on me ... what, with all the standing behind the counter and such. I may just be a sweaty, puddle-y mess by the end of this night. Two days in a row of being upright for extended periods of time ... well, my legs are bound to revolt in a kicking and twitching sort of way, I'm sure.

No new scrappy things to report, sadly. However, I was thumbing through a scrap mag before sleep last night, and then proceeded to dream about layout designs like all freaking night. Lemme tell ya, though. I am one helluva scrapper in my dreams. In fact, I'm all kinds of spectacular inside my head.

I swear. If my head was a place, I'd totally be moving there.

(Hmmmm. Maybe that is how "crazy" starts?)

Okay, chat later. I have 20 minutes before lunch time, and I have some very important goofing off to do before then. Have a great weekend, you stalkers, and I'll see you back here next week.

(And so now you are doing what? Hmmmm?)

(That'd be hitting the comment button like asap. Exactly.)

Scraps for you

2007-08-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to post a couple of layouts I did last week using my Love, Elsie paper. All you scrappers ... delight! All you non-scrappers ... tune out. Although this is my damn blog, so why apologize?

Anywho...

These be it:

And you likeeee, yes you do! 'Cept I'm not much a fan of the first one. Sometimes I scrap better in my head. Kind of like how I am much skinnier and fabulous there, too. Dang.

So video store co-worker called in sick, so I be's fillin' in tonight, yo. That means an extra $21 for me. Which also means "almost not worth it." But whatev.

Speaking of the video store, here is said co-worker (who goes by the name of Sadie) and I being all kinds of dorky on Tuesday night:

We think the "thumbs-up" needs a comeback. Everyone's doing the rockstar or the peace, but honestly ... the thumbs-up is where it's at.

Oh, but hey ... two things:

1) My thumb does tricks! Look how bendy it is. I am like a Houdini. Or Chinese acrobat. Either way.

2) The fleshy arm is baaaack. And in full-force. But this time it's tan and less likely to scare the beejeebies out of people.

Alrighty, ya'll. Leaving now. Will post more Sadie/Dianna pics tomorrow ... cuz seriously, they's good stuff!

Have a groovy night. Peace. (I mean, thumbs-up!)

Crappy Scrappy

2007-08-07T17:15:00.001-05:00

With the good comes the bad, and this layout right here is downright awful. So why post it, you ask? I dunno. I'm feeling the need for some sympathy I guess.

I did this one on my lunch break, so perhaps my mind was concentrating more on the Lean Cuisine in the microwave than on this layout. I mean, come on peoples ... it was effing Enchilada Suiza! Heheh. Now do you see?

So for those that care, the paper line is My Mind's Eye Tres Jolie. So pretty when it is all whole and not used up on this little waste of time right here. Eh. I just depressed myself.

Okay, I will make new stuff tonight. I had an epiphany today while thinking about my scrapping monstrocity (see photo, above), and if it comes out on paper like I see it in my head ... well ... quite simply: watch your drool.

Have a good evening ya'll. I've got to go sling some DVDs at the video store tonight, so it'll be a long one for me. Back tomorrow with some hopefully groovier things to say and show.

Fancy schmancy me

2007-08-07T10:02:00.000-05:00

See, my new business cards prove it:

Bwahahahahaha! And Brad thought he was something special being an "electrical engineering technician II" -- whatever the freak THAT means. I'm the ever-lovin' Vice President ya'll. Therefore, I = boss of you. See. Told ya.

Something pretty to look at ...

2007-08-03T17:24:00.001-05:00

... to tide you over until Monday:

Well did you expect anything different?

I think not.

Have a great weekend, my dears. Miss me wanna kiss me (but cute ones only) ... toodles!

Ooooh, scrappy scrappy now!

2007-08-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

For all those that care, here is my latest scrapbooking endeavor. Done around midnight last night from the floor of my cat-hair infested living room. Who says one can't be inspired by undesirable living conditions?

Patterened paper is Cosmic Energy by Cherry Arte. I painstakingly cut out all those circles, wrote words on the white space behind Autumn's picture, and used butterscotch puff paint to make cute little dots in all the right places. Today's exhaustion has been well worth it, I'd say. And you will say so too, because ... well, I am the boss of you. (Just sayin'.)

I was going to do another page at lunchtime today, but I decided to fold laundry instead. Don't ask how chores beat out scrapbooking ... I must've been on a hunger-deprived mind trip or something. But hey ... tonight's a new day (or whatever), so who knows what I might get up to after I close down the video store. That Love, Elsie paper is definitely calling me name.

For all those who don't care at all, I apologize for the boring-ness of this post. Instead, focus on my lovely berber carpet. Doesn't it just wanna make you take your shoes off and dance? Yeah. Me neither.

Okay, more good stuff later. I have much eating of the oatmeal pie to do. Oh how I loves me some Little Debbie.

Buh-bye.

OMG

2007-08-02T17:35:00.001-05:00

I am the most boring person on the planet. I can't even blog properly.

Seriously, I just wrote and then promptly deleted the most atrocious thing I've ever thought up in my head. It was so bad, I practically put my own self to sleep -- which is a rather daunting feat, for as ya'll know, I love me and anything related to me.

But you must understand how the OCD was kickin' in overdrive. It physically would not let me out of my chair until I posted something. And so my first attempt was just ... urgh. You don't even know how much "urgh" I mean. So much so, that it is *thisclose* to being capitalized.

And now, due to lack of anything else better to say, my un-post is the subject of this new-and-improved post! Why ... how uncanny did that turn out to be?!

(Okay, I would so totally delete that last line, but I am currently in the midst of a carpal-tunnel-like symptom and do not have the strength to hold down the delete key for more than a second.)

Mmmm, k. And this post is quickly spiraling all to hell. Better go before you never come back. Thanks for sticking it out with me thus far, my lovelies. You make me feel all squishy on the inside.

Need a vacay from vacay

2007-07-31T15:09:00.001-05:00

Lemme just say one thing: I am effing exhausted! I would never guess that going on a vacay would ever be tiring. Usually it's not. But this time -- this time -- I used muscles I never thought I had.

Case in point:

Did you know you use your inner thighs to walk? Yeah, me neither! But apparently you do because after a mere 15 minutes of squeezing a jet ski between my legs in a desperate plea to hold on for my ever-lovin' life (thanks, Brad, you *rock* at driving), I am now walking around the office in a sort of hunched over, corn-cob-up-the-behind kind of way. Attractive, yes. Pleasant, hell no.

The aching is so bad that I actually have to hold my own leg and place it where I want it. That's some good times right there, peoples. Not only do I have to practically kill myself to walk, but now I have to use other muscles in order to make the sore muscles work. And that = exercising. And, well ... Dianna don't take too kindly to that sort of torture.

On the bright side, I got to sleep on a house boat for the very first time. Which is an adventure all in itself, I must say. Going from one end to the other during a healthy wave spell is like having about a billion too many drinks and trying to take a leisurely stroll. FUN! Sounds a bit like this: Oh, hello wall! And floor, how YOU doin'? And oops, sorry, you didn't need that eyeball for anything did you? And oooh, drinkies look so lovely all spilt and pretty on your shirt like that.

Yeah.

But hey! There is some really great news. After spending two whole days on a lake; no make-up; crazy, wind-blown ala boat-ride hair; and the constant need to wipe sweat off my upper lip, somehow, someway, I still managed to hold onto my boyfriend. Apparently he likes me sweaty and bloated and dog-ass tired. Sweeeeet.

More lata. I am going to just rest my head on the desk fo r a sed lsdgk;lfkh//...

Vacay horray!

2007-07-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

I am going to be MIA from the blog for the next few days cause I am going to take a little vacay. Nothing huge, mind you, but I do get to take off work tomorrow, so that in itself is pretty sweet.

Leaving this evening to take little sis up to Lawrence, Kansas. We are going to stay the night in a hotel, and then get up super early tomorrow to tour the KU campus. And by "super early" I quite clearly mean 8 a.m. -- which is practically the middle of the effing night! Gah. However, since it is vacay, I miraculously am able to pull off this tricky time maneuver. Not pleasantly of course. But do-able.

But have me get up at 8 a.m. on a work day, and, well ... good luck to you and your well-intentions. I may up and bite you. Or kick you in a delicate area. Either way.

Yes, yes. Katy is going to be a senior in high school next year, and therefore needs a heads-up on college campuses. She is so pathetically ambitious, it kills me. Why can't she just get pregnant at 18 and get a degree in "secretary" like I did? Apparently, going to medical school has much better odds. And it makes you more money.

But I am so super proud of her for making good choices! She's so smart and beautiful and passionate about school and her future. I practically pee my pants just thinking about how much money she'll let me borrow. (And by this I mean take and never give back. Obviously.)

So then after the grand tour, Autumn and I are going with Brad and his kids to Branson. I am super excited because we've never done an overnight trip before. And we even get to sleep in Brad's parents' boat house, which should be a neat little adventure, I think. Not sure of the exact sleeping arrangements, though, but as long as no one pees the bed or wakes me up before noon, I'm in good shape.

Hopefully ya'll will miss me a li'l bit while I'm gone. I'm expecting lots of comments, so get your typing fingers ready. Otherwise, there will be some hiiii-YAs to the neck in store for you.

Just saying.

Money = Love

2007-07-24T17:15:00.001-05:00

Real quick blog, but one of super important information. Today minimum wage was increased in the great state of Oklahoma. Long gone are the days of $5.15 an hour; say hello to the new world that $5.85 will bring. Dadgum right.

So some of you may remember (but I doubt it), but every Tuesday and Friday I work at the video store for mom. I mostly do it for the extra cash -- well, scratch that -- that's the only reason I do it. It is certainly not for the touching of questionable liquids left on DVD cases by customers who aren't courteous enough to wipe the dang things off first. Or for the feel of sweaty dollars bills that you hope to God came out of a wallet and not out of a secret compartment found on the inside of pants. Or not even for the smell of stinky va-gi-gi in a hot tanning room alongside a trash can liner full of pee pee.

Nope. It's for the cash. Plain and simple.

But I digress. The point of this post is ... as a key holder, and therefore boss of YOU (well not "you" but "them") ... I am officially making a whopping $6 an hour. Yeah, I said it. Six effing dollars. That's an extra $16.50 on my paycheck per month. That's like ... um, maybe 1/8 of my cell phone bill right there.

And that, in itself, spells Financial Freedom.

Score.

Monday is stinky

2007-07-23T13:40:00.000-05:00

As a general rule, that is. I don't know why there is even a Monday at all. If it were up to me, I'd just fast forward to the weekend all the time. The only way a Monday can be good is if it involves free food or like lots of good mail in the mailbox. That's really about it.

Sad.

Okay, but for all those waiting (I think just one person ... Regina?) here is a layout I made last week or the week before or some other time when I wasn't napping or watching World Series of Blackjack on GSN.

I think the paper is Scenic Route, but seriously, I have no idea. But I'm pretty sure. Like maybe 75 percent. Or maybe just like 40 percent. I dunno. And suddenly ... I don't care.

Hmmpfh.

So I've been on this huge reality tv show kick lately. What is it about summer that brings out the couch potato in me? (Or really what is it about any day all the time? Heh.) Anyhoo. The end of The Next Food Network Star came about yesterday, which has left me bereft. Not because of who won, but because that show was really the only great thing about Sunday nights (the evil precursor to the hell that is Monday). What shall take its place?

Ahhhh, salvation. The new season of Design Star on HGTV started last night! So I have approximately two months of reality competition bliss ahead of me. Sooo excite! Like on the verge of peeing your pants kind of excite. Yessss.

Also watching Top Chef, which isn't a coolio as Food Network, but it'll do for my cooking-vicariously-through-others kind of obsession I've been having. And then there is Last Comic Standing, which I LOVE. Now if only Project Runway would hurry up with their 4th season, I'd be hella happy. I may never leave the house.

Okay, so yeah. Today I literally have nothing of importance to say, hence the rambling on and incoherent sentence transitions. It's like hi. I am bored. I ate too much peanut butter last week. Oooh, a shiny quarter. And my cat is fat.

Sheesh.

But I will say, with the utmost sincerity, if Regina is the only person who is ever going to comment on my posts, it's karate chops to the neck for everybody.

(p.s. Love it that you feel the need to make remarks on practically everything I say, G. It makes doing this blogging thing well worth it indeed. So yeah. Tomorrow, in your honor, I'm eating a Swedish meatball.)

Coming to you on a Saturday

2007-07-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

So does this make me an official loser? I am blogging on a Saturday night. As opposed to drinkies or dancing, movies or casino-ing ... I am blogging. I'm practically bowing my head in shame as I type this. But I won't because 11 hours of sleep really does a number on my neck.

Some notes about today:

1) At approximately 12:45 this morning, I went to Wal-mart and purchased my very own copy of Harry Potter 7. However, it wasn't a planned thing. I actually went to Wal-mart (with Brad, of course) to buy a fan for my bedroom. Did I mention how my bedroom is like 3856593 degrees at all times? It makes for an interestingly sweaty night.

Anyhoo, this fan ... I got one with a remote control. Because nothing says "lazy" more than a fan that you can control from the comfort of your own bed. Yay! Next, I'm buying myself a Clapper. And then pretty much anything else that is remote controlled. Or robotic.

2) Went to Hobby Lobby and picked up the new Lola paper line from Love, Elsie. It is ka-yoooot! Also got some letters and coordinating stickers. You know, for the scrapbooking I'm no longer doing.

(Must also be the reason for the Harry Potter book -- apparently I like to support my own hobbies by buying crap that I won't use for like 938674867 years.)

Actually, I plan to make a cute little layout this coming week with the paper. I've got a photo of Autumn from her school dance last year that would look perfect. So watch for that in the blog soon. (You so excite!)

3) Hung out with Brad and his kids at the mall. We spent way too much money in Tilt playing games so we could get enough tickets to buy an obsessive amount of tiny plastic toys. I will say this though ... I will kick your ass in Skee-Ball. Especially if you are a 6-year-old kid who has one eye on the ball and one eye on the much cooler Jurassic Park game over in the corner.

Okay, I dun now. Brad's on his way back over. And I have to pretend I haven't been blogging for half an hour, watching Property Ladder re-runs, or doing word search puzzles out of a book I purchased specifically because making tidy circles around words makes me very very happy.

Indeed.

I smell a latte coming on

2007-07-18T15:02:00.000-05:00

It is mid-afternoon, only about 2 1/2 hours from quitting time, and if I don't get a latte in my belly soon, I might well damn 'splode.

Not for any real reason. Except for maybe I've been on a quasi-diet the past few days, and my stomach's starting to rage a fit. I know it wants a burger, but the latte is the best I can do.

But about the diet: Ever since I moved out of Jerry's house and into the apartment from hell, I've done no cooking whatsoever. Oh, well, except maybe one time when my brain done took a vacay and I made tortellini (out of a bag, people, don't freak out). But for the most part, like about 99% of the time, Autumn and I have subsisted on McDonald's, Sonic, KFC, Arby's, Pizza Hut and the like. For those not doing the math, that is like 7 months of Fast Food Craziness right there (so crazy that is gets capital letters)!

So I'm trying a little thing. It's called groceries. And not crazy people groceries, such as steak tartar or oysters on the half shell, but normal ones like fruit and Chicken Helper. (Well, we are talking about me, you know that, right?)

(And by "fruit" I mean apples in a bag already sliced up that cost about $948594 more than regular whole apples, but dangit if I don't have to prepare them myself! They's washed and ready to EAT! Yay! And, well, time is money.)

But back to my point of the latte (you forgot that was the point, didn't you?) ...

I've been so good with the cottage cheese and crackers, that how can I not have one? I think eating at home for lunch everyday this week deserves a little reward, don't you? (This is where you agree with me and say, "Why yes we do think so!" That is your job as my loyal blog readers -- agreeing with every dadgum thing I say. Just so you know.)

Mmmmm, k. I've postponed this long enough. I'm walking next door (yes, I said "walking", as coming up with a little scooter or something electrical and mobile proves to be too difficult at the moment).

Latte, baby! Here I come!

Zzzzzzz...

2007-07-17T13:24:00.000-05:00

I went home for lunch today. And promptly took a nap. Which is the best part of this story. The sad part is that I was looking forward to it. Yes, I am officially old enough to get excited about a nap.

So scrapbooking, reading, naps. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am an extremely cool person.

Too much time on my hands

2007-07-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

I've been spending a lot of time reading other peoples' blogs. And why for, you ask? Cuz I can only do so many travel agent-y things before I begin to slouch in my chair. And then I get restless body syndrome and literally can't sit still without the constant need to stretch or pop my back or crack my neck or something.

Anyhoodles, my point ...

I found a gem on my good buddy, Jamie's, blog. And by 'good buddy' I so obviously mean I've been reading her entire blog for about two weeks now and therefore we must be BFF. Duh.

You MUST go to this site and do this. It is freaking hi-larious and you will so definitely want to thank me for the laughs that ensue (in gift card form, please). I uploaded a cute little picture of me, and then transformed it into many different versions. I give you:

Dianna as baby. If you don't want to pinch these cheeks, then something is quite clearly wrong with you. And you need a new brain.

Dianna as Asian. I am oddly scared by this one. I don't think I want to be Asian. Cuz I look very stocky and man-like. And not get-guys-able (yes, that's a word).

Dianna as Afro-Caribbean. I really have nothing to say to this one except, hahahahahahaha! However, the tan is quite striking.

Dianna as Old Lady. I'm serious. If Brad didn't already think he might want to spend the rest of his life with me, a glimpse into the future right here would cure that right up. Dig the liver spots, man. Eeeeeee! And the second chin? Glorious.

Dianna as Man. Holy effing crap on a cracker! It's my brother! I swear I didn't think we looked alike until now. Oh my god, the laughing. The LAUGHING.

I'm about *thisclose* to peeing my pants. I'm serious.

Dianna as Drunk Girl. I just think I look really, really, really happy. And that's what we all strive for in our lives isn't it? So in honor of that profound statement ... drinkies, shall we?

Okay, so basically I'm telling you in a not-so-subtle way to DO THIS. I can't think of any better way to waste an afternoon of working. Ahhhhh, I love the internet.

Attention scrappy friends ...

2007-07-12T14:17:00.001-05:00

I just realized if you click on the picture of my layout below, it blows up big and out of this world! So now you can see all the pretty details and/or mistakes up close and personal. Mistakes, cuz I'm thinking the little rub-on I put next to "good buddy" was just lack of sleep overtaking my keen sense of judgement. But the bling bling ... my saving grace if I do say so!

Well, anyhoo...

Oh! And the little paper strips under "hey" and the blue punched out corners (oh, paper puncher, how I've missed thee...), those are by Scrapworks Canvas collection. Yes! This brain does work afterall.

Pictures to love!

2007-07-12T11:43:00.000-05:00

(OH! And the headline is back! I soooo excite!)

So I wanna just say for all my scrapping friends that I actually made a little sumpin' sumpin' the other night. It was my first page in like 397856739 months! It's not the best thing I could ever come up with but it beats NO pages hands-down! Alas:

Yeah, it's not the most fabulous quality picture. But dang. It was only 1 in the effing morning. Give a girl a break. And don't ask what the paper is either. I'm guessing Daisy D's or Basic Grey Hang 10, but it's a crapshoot.

Hoping to maybe, quite possibility do a little layout or two tonight. We'll see. A 4 hour nap may win me over instead. And then it'll be bedtime, soooo...

Next up is me looking my finest. I curled my hair and everything. And oh so casually cropped my little sister right out. Sweet.

Hmmm. I spy boobies. Why, lookie me!

This next picture is the heart of my heart, my gorgeous daughter Autumn. Granted, half her head is covered by my massive camera, but she still looks pretty. And as for the camera itself -- divine! So photogenic, those two.

Okay, next up is two of my favorite people -- mom and baby Bristol. Again, not the best quality of photo, but this time it's Autumn's fault. It's hard to take good pics when you are staring at yourself in a mirror.

Mom really needs to stop working out. I'm serious. No 50-year-old woman should have arms like that. EVER. It just makes all your fat children feel bad. Blah.

This photo was taken yesterday, so how up-to-the-minute am I? Mom, Katy, Autumn, Bryan, Hannah, Bristol and I went out to eat at Fuddrucker's, which was delish and promptly made me feel bloated and sorry. Eh.

Afterwards, we went to Petland next door because we thought it would be cute for Bristol to giggle over the puppies. But instead he vomited on the floor over by the fish. And who was holding him at the time? Not me! Haha! Told you he loved me best.

Okay, last photo is of the beau, who looks just so handsome all posed up there casually on the edge of the couch. Almost as if he was just sitting there like that nonchalantly, and I surprised him with a picture. Ahhhh, that boy! So love.

Wow, my photo fest has done worn me the ef out! I've wasted a good two hours today uploading and organizing. And by "wasting" I mean "working like a good travel agent should" -- of course!

So I'm going to go now and do more work. And by "work" I mean "go next door and buy myself a latte." Ya'll have a great day! Love you miss you wanna make out with you (but only the cute ones).

Toodles!

2007-07-10T15:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, blogger, we've gotta get something straight. You cannot, I repeat, CANNOT, afford to be wishy washy with me. Either you let me post a title or you do not. Decide. As in right now.

Sheesh.

So yeah, we're back to no headline. My OCD is running amuck.

But on a brighter note, my new beau:

Oh, he is kaaaa-yoot! *Sigh* I LURVE him. He goes by Brad, but I like to call him Hottie McHotterstein. Or Dreamboat McBradley. Or Go Go Gadget Sweet Lips. Or Super Brad in Spandex Pants. But mostly just in my head. Outloud I just call him Giggle Buns. He likeee.

Okay, enough of that. I know I just made you throw up in your mouth a little.

Things we like to do together thus far:

1) Go to Wal-mart. It is our thing. We are like hello, hug, kiss, Wal-mart. Seriously. It is hilarious.

2) Play Blackjack. Not that we are good or anything, but it is fun to make $20 in gambling money last longer than five minutes. Slots, be damned!

3) Go eat at restaurants really late, like about 5 minutes from the cut-off time before you get spit in your food. So far, the nicest people were Pizza Hut when they told us the dining room closed at 11 p.m. and our watches clearly stated 10:45 -- but whatev. They lost out on a 2 dollar tip. FACE.

4) And finally, sleep. On skinny couches. Built for one. Heheh. It is almost comical at times, I swear it. As in Three's-Company-Jack-Tripper-fall-off-the-couch funny. And you know your couch is too small when you actually have to pull the coffee table over to make an arm rest. Yep. I did that.

GAH! I just got about 93858467495 emails regarding travel-related-non-blogger-type crap. Urgh. Whose idea was it to work on Tuesdays again?

Poop.

Lookie, a headline!

2007-07-09T14:21:00.000-05:00

Also, two posts in one day. Wow. They must be wearing mittens and toe-socks in Hell, I think.

So yeah. The Myspace story. You all have no idea how much I loved my Myspacin'. I'm serious. It kept me busy for like, hours, when I was supposed by working and didn't feel like it. (Kind of like right now ... customers, shoo!)

Anyhoo, I'm not going to say that I actually got caught doing a little too much Myspacin'. Let's just say I got a little virus thingy, and the computer tech (or rather, the devil's BF), told my boss that if he could just block a few little websites off my dang computer, all would be right with the world.

Ger.

Cut off my right arm while you are at it, you effer! Blah.

So I've been sans Myspace for about 2 weeks now. I've lost weight (seriously, like 5 pounds), and I'm super depressed that I can't stalk my friends properly. I know ya'll counted on me to make you feel famous! Hah.

The good news is now I think I might be back to blogging like mad crazy. Take that, job! You don't get to control me all day like you thought. Bwhahahahahahaha!

(Oops. Boss is calling; gotta go!)

2007-07-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

MY FAKE HEADLINE

Cuz Blogger is retarded. It won't let me put a title in cuz it's done gone mental.

Poo.

And don't ask why this is important. It just is. Anyone with even a smidge of the OCD will tell you it's true.

Okay, but back to my point ...

People effing love me.

No seriously they do. You were all waiting for the LOL but there isn't one.

So, how do I know this? Cuz I've been blogger delinquent for nigh on a billion months and still yet have managed to score myself some 4,000 stalkers. Heheh.

Hmmmm. Yeah. Di is boring today.

Myspace story and weekend scoop is next, but first things first .... LUNCH. And then some goofing off cuz boss is gone today. Weeee!

Bye.

Weekend calls me.

2007-07-06T17:44:00.000-05:00

And this is going to be the shortest post ever.

But short post is better than no post, which is all you've gotten in the last few months. So in other words, you may suck it.

Wow.

Anyhoo ...

Well, times up for today! Haha.

I totally wanted to tell you about Myspace, but that'll be a great story for Monday. Trust me, you will LOVE.

Have a great weekend. I will have mad scoop for you. Well, prolly.

(And this is where you insert the cliffhanger. Dum dum dummmmmmmmm!)

Hahahahahahaha!

2007-07-03T15:57:00.001-05:00

Well guess who it is?!

I know, I know, I know. You don't even have to say it 'cause I already know. So let's move on, shall we?

Okay, things have changed quite drastically since the last time I've blogged. Some new stuff:

1) I have scrapbooked! Okay, so it was only a father's day card, but who cares? I scrapped. And that is what is important, my friends.

2) I finished a book and started another one. This is a major deal. Those who know me know I read lots and lots of books. But this year -- seriously, ALL of this year -- I have only read one. One book. And it wasn't even a fat one. Sheesh.

So now I am on my second book of the year. And if I was any more excited about it, I'd pee my pants.

Yes, seriously.

3) Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, dear husband and I have decided to separate. This all came about last October, and I have been living in the world's most pathetic apartment on the planet since December. I won't go into details about the whats and whys, just thought maybe this would shed some light as to the cause of my blogging delinquincy. It's been a huge change in my life, and I'm just now starting to get things back on track. Not to say I'll be scrapping or reading like a maniac any time soon, but you get my point.

Now that that is out of the way ... on to the fun! Here are pictures that you've been dying to see. (Yes, trust me. You have.)

First up is me. If you don't think this is cute, you need your brain checked. That's all I'm saying.

Next is my adorable nephew, Bristol. He has grown up so precious and sweet. He is even better than this in person. Well, except for the pooping.

And I do NOT have Transitions lenses in my glasses. I have no idea why they always photograph dark like that. They just do, and my brain hurts too much to contemplate the whys.

And as far as the frightened look on Bristol's face -- that's not scared, that's sheer adoration in its purest form! You should see how he vomits on other people and not me. I told you I'd be his favorite auntie EVER. Heh.

There is much more blogging-slash-catching up to do, but not enough time. I've got an hour left of work and so must go fit in more goofing off before we close! Yes, you can see at least I've got one of my priorities still in working order.

Enjoy your fourth of July, my lovelies! I'll be back on Thursday to discuss the hell that is a computer with no Myspace. (Seriously. It is the devil.)

Yes, you may pass out now

2007-03-21T09:52:00.000-05:00

Well, after reading this post, that is. You don't wanna miss the good stuff!

Today is officially the first day of Spring. And although it is dreary outside, gray and rainy, I so happy!!! I LOVE Spring. I flourish in Spring. Spring is so fabulous it gets a capital letter. Oh yes...Spring and I...we's best friends.

So why the second post in two days after being so consistently absentee for the past few months? I dunno. I just feel really good today. And so, my blogalicious lovelies, YOU get to reap the benefits of my good mood. It's like a party for your soul. Weeeee!

And now for some interesting things that have happened lately:

1) I am tanning again. I haven't tanned in seven years. Perhaps it was the lure of working at the video store/tanning salon two nights a week that got me. Or perhaps I just got tired of seeing my glaring pastiness stare back at me. Whichever the culprit, I am officially bronze and gorgeous now. Or just bronze. I've always been gorgeous.

Heh.

(And I swear, if any of you argue with me on that point, I *will* and *shall quite pleasantly* punch you in the throat. Kisses!)

2) I have lost six pounds. And I swear no exercise was involved. It just came off me as if by magic. So finally, sitting in a chair for eight hours straight is paying off! Yessss.

3) Wow. I am truly a boring person. Can't think of a number three. Oh well, eat up 1 and 2 peoples! They's good stuff.

Off to do travel agent-y things now. And have some lunch. And some goofing off thrown in since I haven't wasted any time today -- aside from the instant messaging and Myspacin' that is.

Well are you really surprised?!

2007-03-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

Yep. I've done it again. But seriously, did you expect anything different? My disappearing act has become somewhat of my M.O. lately. Either that, or nothing very exciting happens in my life and therefore warrants no new bloggy things. Huh. Don't think I'm ready to admit to that just yet. Last time I complained about boredom, some crackhead hit on me in the office. And I really do not want to go through that again. Urgh.

No new pictures, no new scrap pages. I do believe this blog has hit rock bottom.

But thanks a bunch for hanging out anyway! I just wanna lick you all over ... well, only the cute ones.

Tootles!

Happy Anniversary!

2007-02-26T13:25:00.000-06:00

It's been one month today since I last left a blog post. Weeeee! Break out the champers...

I am a horrible, horrible:

1) Blogger
2) Scrapbooker
3) Book Reader
4) Friend

Let me elaborate:

1) Blogger

Well this is a given. I haven't blogged in a month, despite the fact that I promised I would. What is the dealio, you asked? Hmmmm. I could go there in a big, long, dramatic story, but let's just say I'm retarded. That is much better than the real reason.

On the plus side, I've been thinking about the blog while I've been away. Certainly there's points in there somewhere for me? And perhaps a little forgiveness? Or a gift card?

(Thought I'd squeeze that last one in, but dadgum, you be's quick on the draw, my friends! Okay, no gift card. But I will take the forgiveness, and maybe a little piece of chocolate or something. Mmmmm.)

2) Scrapbooker

My kits have piled up. I am either, a) a trash hoarder or b) creating a postal box sculpture. I swear, it's the Leaning Tower of Kits in my living room. And my supplies are all collecting dust (because as you all know, I don't dust). The last time I scrapped was on Valentine's Day when I made three cards. They were awfully snazzy little cards though. Just ask my momma who loves it when I make handmade gifts for her -- two in my life so far -- but damn, it is hard to beat a macaroni portrait, so it's good to go out with a bang, I always say.

3) Book Reader

Let see, when is the last time I read a book? I miss it so, but my brain is off in LaLaLand and just can't seem to concentrate on anything more time consuming than reality TV and Grey's Anatomy -- and even those get DVRed and watched later.

However, I did get about 2 pages read in a chick lit book last night. Yep. Two pages. I'm seriously on a roll. I'll let you know how I liked it in 2012. Call you.

4) Friend

This is just a general statement that encapsulates how I feel about my life lately. I feel guilty for not blogging ('cause I know ya'll depend on me for helping you through your day), for not replying to emails, for not calling you back, for wallowing in my own little world (LaLaLand is not that great; I want my money back), and being basically selfish, lazy and procrastinating.

However, I will still take your gift cards as a token of your forgiveness and love.

(Ger! Damn. You good.)

Okay, to recap. I am so sorry. I am going to try to do better. I don't know about the reading and scrapbooking at this point, but certainly I can handle a little bit of blogging every week? Yes. Yes I can.

I love to tease...

2007-01-26T10:01:00.000-06:00

Oh, my poor best friends. I kept you waiting, waiting, waiting for the scrappy goodness even though I had promised you'd have them the very next day. Why oh why am I the biggest procrastinator that ever lived? I am such a naughty tease... heh.

Okay, without further ado, here are the two layouts that I made with new kits. Prepare yourself and watch your droll.

First up is the cute new Kewl Stuff collection by Imaginisce. This paper is super thick and (non-scrappers, tune out) the colors are so rich and luscious. Seriously. I could almost wallpaper my living room in this stuff! (But I won't...yet.)

Diggin' it! The only problem is that the buttons scooted too close to each other. I had them further apart and then they moved. As if magic. I dunno. I will have to redo because my OCD just won't let it be. You know how I roll.

K, next is the lovely Scrapworks Canvas Collection but I can't remember the official title. Maybe At the Sea or something like that. Eh...who cares. Anyhoo, feast your eyes:

Yes, I know. The cupcake rub-on is retarded. Too late now. But I just love how the colors look in this layout. Ahhhhh...I am a scrapping genius.

No more layouts to share. I haven't scrapped since I did these. But I have GOT to get a move on! My kits are backing up on me! I look like a postal warehouse with all those dang boxes piling up. Eh.

And now for another episode of Dianna and Her Meaty, Fleshy Arms:

Wow, a particularly good show this time. Lookie, Bristol is scared. He's like what the freak is that white blobbish thing?! It is better to hold you with, my dear, it is better to hold you with.

And this photo brings a lump to my throat. Momma and baby looking all blissful and happy:

Sweeeet. I love this boy! So precious. Oh, and the wayward hand next to Hannah's face belongs to my brother. Perhaps I should have edited it out because it sort of looks a little creepy dangling there unattached. But oh well. Shoulda coulda woulda. My procrastination habit rules once again!

No more talky now. I'm tired. And work beckons, although it is Friday, and by law it should be nothing more than a goof-off day. But no one listens to me about important stuff. Hmmmpfh.

Have a great weekend, lovelies! Til next time (whenever that may be)...

Baby Bristol Extravaganza

2007-01-15T13:44:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I haven't posted these pictures for you. What bad, bad auntie am I! The following photos were taken on Christmas day featuring my adorably handsome nephew, Bristol, all of 5 days old. Behold:

Oh, good lord, can you stand it? How sweet and utterly angelic is this photo? I want one!

Well, what I really mean is that I want one for a few quiet, poop-free hours in which to play and hold and ogle over. Then when it's sleepy time (mine, not his), I can give him back. Wonder how I can get that arranged? Will have to do some research.

Okay, next photo is of me looking all auntie-ish and semi-fat. Maybe I need to surround myself with bigger people so I don't look so big. Maybe I don't want a baby after all.

Man, look at those man hands! Good god, show me to the diet plate...I'll take two.

Lastly, here is darling daughter, Autumn, holding her new cousin. This is the same day, new outfit. Dressing up babies is fun!

I just noticed Autumn has a wonky eye. Hmmm...too much drinky? Haha.

And more good news for my peeps -- I scrapped! Seriously, I made lots this weekend seeing as I had nothing else to do besides stare at the flippin' ice storm outside. Blech. Anyhoo, I will post them tomorrow.

(Yes, yes, you can wait...)

Later, my lovelies. Off to drink me a hot chocolate and pretend I need it. Kisses!

What up?

2007-01-11T14:46:00.000-06:00

I know I know I know. You don't even have to say anything; I already feel bad all by myself. My New Year's Resolution of being the best blogger on Earth ever ever has been literally flushed down the loo. Along with the diet and the exercise. So I'm three for three. And it's only January 11. I predict a fantastic 2007 for me.

Oh, but let's stop the whining! I am here today, trying to make up for my lack-o-blogging. Certainly, I get friendship points for that?

Here's my excuse:

I've been sick. For a whole damn week. I don't know what that's about, but I'm pretty sure it came about when I swallowed a Taco Bell nacho sideways. Note to my peeps: don't do that. It gives you a wicked sore throat and it is disgusting.

I actually went to the doctor because having a sore throat for a week is just not normal. Yes, my OCD-slash-hypochondria was kicking in just in time for the new year. Anyhoo, doc looks in my throat, proceeds to tell me how ugly it is (geez, thanks), and writes out a script for the tastiest antibiotics I think I've ever had.

If you like to gag.

Now I am feeling much, much better. I can swallow again without practically peeing my pants. All good things.

So I'm hoping by this point, you've felt sorry for me and forgotten all about the thing which shall not be named. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then my mission has been accomplished.

Current situation:

Sucked down the last undrinkable bits of a caramel blended latte -- you know, the mushy whipped creamy stuff that doesn't go up the straw, but instead makes really annoying slurping noises that drive your co-workers crazy? Yeah, it was that good.

Moved on now to a Dr. Pepper. And a game of Literati on Yahoo. And a little bit of My Spacin'. Oh, and work? I'm sorry, it is Thursday and there is no such thing as work on Thursday. (Seriously, I read that somewhere. Or else I made it up. Whatev.)

Toodle-loos, my hot sexy friends. More blogalicious fun coming soon!

New Year follies

2007-01-03T13:40:00.000-06:00

It is 2007. I can't believe how this decade is flying by. Has it really been only 7 years since the Y2K hoopla? Since the time when I realized that Australia didn't explode, so the rest of the world should be okay? Amazing...

Hope everyone had a fab time. I went to my buddy, Stacy's, house. And I must say, she makes good snacks! I practically ate the entire tray of baked crab rangoon all by myself. Well, there were only twelve, so sue me!

Now I am on a diet. So far I've eaten Sonic, Taco Bell, and I'm thinking Arby's sounds really delish right about now. So, yeah. Doing really well. Me + New Year's Resolutions = what the freak ever.

Alrighty, my friends, I'm done now. I have much goofing off to do, and a trip to the vending machine is nigh important. Maybe I'll have something exciting to tell you tomorrow. We shall see...

Last post

2006-12-29T10:35:00.000-06:00

In three days, it will officially be 2007. So this post, being on a Friday, will be the last one of 2006. This is truly an occasion. Seeing that I haven't posted in over a week, it's a downright miracle.

I am such a bad blogger! There is just so much shtuff going on in my life right now, I can't even function properly. I haven't read, I haven't scrapbooked, I haven't slept a full eight hours in effen three weeks! Gaaaahhhhh! Must do some yoga.

So my New Year's resolution is this: to be the best blogger on the face of the earth, ever. Oh, and probably to lose 20 pounds, perhaps exercise a li'l. But by about, ohhhhh, say January 5th, I'll be sooooo totally over that.

Okay, stuff on Christmas:

My daughter got an Ipod from her dad. She spent all day on the internet downloading songs. Yes, it was most definitely a heartwarming family Christmas for us.

Some good things about gifts:

1) I actually picked out clothes that Autumn liked! This is quite monumental, because in my eyes, Autumn is still a 4-year-old girl. So I had to really think outside the box here. What helped was if I could picture someone singing rock 'n roll in it, or perhaps rolling around on a skateboard in it, it was a keeper. And by god, it worked. Yessss.

2) Jerry got me some perfume. THE perfume. The one I've been asking for for the past 6 years. Elizabeth Arden Green Tea. Yummy. I smell so delicious, I'm practically edible. Go ahead, taste me. But only if you are cute. I do have to set some boundaries, ya know?

(Alright, alright...if you are ugly but have money, I'll let you have a little lick.)

Oooooh, lunch. Time for a power nap. Back in 60.

...

...

...

I'm back. I'm starving. I weighed my options and decided napping was better than eating. So now I get to sit here for the rest of the day while my stomach eats itself. Yay.

One other bit of exciting but non-Christmas-related news:

I have been promoted at the video store! I am now an official key-holder, which means instead of cleaning damn tanning beds and vacuuming, I get to count money! Weeeeee! I so important now. Cute and in charge of the cash. Bliss.

Okay, my loyal blogalicious friends, I'm gonna scoot. Apparently people are wanting to travel today and they are calling here as if this is a place of business. Geez.

Back next year, I promise! Love you, kisses, and all that mushy stuff. Peace, yo.

And he makes his debut...

2006-12-21T13:23:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday to my new baby nephew! Yep, my little brother is finally a daddy!

The scoop:

Bryan and Hannah decided to name him Bristol Lee -- so cute! Now if only Bristol doesn't realize he is named after a NASCAR track, we're in good shape.

Anyhoo...he was born last night at 8:11 p.m. This picture was taken less than an hour after delivery. And see how perfect he is? Yes, that's how we Berrymans make 'em. Just ask my daughter. She'll be the first to tell you.

Man, I'm seeing visions of the scrappy kind right about now. This kid is going to hate me and the camera I rode in on.

So welcome to the world, baby Bristol! It's going to be a fun ride. Especially with your crazy, obnoxious auntie by your side (who is already your favorite, by the way -- you don't know it yet, but you'll see...).

Shoppy time

2006-12-19T11:00:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the non-post yesterday. I needed Monday to recover from all the shopping. I'm serious. I was like a gal on a mission. I was practically exercising. Urgh.

I got most of my shopping done in Tulsa. Also spent a LOT of time standing in check-out lines. So fun. And do you know how hard it is to find the correct size of anything in a bin when there's been about a billion hands rifling through it? Like nigh impossible. So pretty much the shopping experience became like a game of skill: digging digging digging...why are all these underpants size small?!...digging digging digging...oooh, a medium, getting closer...digging digging digging...crap, small again...certainly not everyone in here has a tiny booty...where's the effen big girl pants?...digging digging digging...ah hah! a large!...ugliest by god underpants on the planet, but dammit they are my size. SCORE.

And that basically sums up the day.

Later in the eve, mom and I went to my office Christmas party. And I am proud to say that our office (out of the 5 in our chain) was recognized for being number one and setting a sales record this year. Wow. My Wasting Time period has really paid off for the company. Must do more of that, I reckon. Heh.

Oh, and the food was delish. My chicken came with like a double scoop of garlic mashed potatoes, and anyone who knows me knows mashed potatoes are my weakness. I was like in carbohydrate heaven, ya'll. Ooooh, I just about peed myself right there. Ahhhh, how I do get excited about my taters, my friends.

After the party, mom and I went shopping some more because apparently torture is our game of choice. Went to Barnes & Noble, Babies R Us, and the Super Target. Picked up way too much crap for the new nephew coming tomorrow. Because that's how crazy aunties do. Or at least this one.

Then we watched a late movie. Which surprises me because mom likes to sleep in movie theatres. But perhaps paying $8 a ticket helped keep her eyes peeled for 2 1/2 hours. I dunno. We watched "The Holiday" and it was super good. I also cried, which is something *I* like to do in movie theatres.

Next day (after a nice long sleep in a sofa bed at the Embassy Suites), we went to Sam's Club and got more stuff. I picked out awesome presents for people, and then mom paid for them. We made a groovy team, man.

So now I'm all ready for the holiday. I do love me some Christmas, ya'll. The only thing to make it better is 80 degree weather and some sunshine.

Alrighty, my loyal blogheads, I'm gonna scoot. It's lunch and I sense a big mashed potato bowl in my future. Have you had those things from KFC? They are magnificient. It is like heaven with gravy on top. Yum.

More later...with hopefully some scrappy bits to share. Oh, and p.s. -- sofa beds are the devil.

Kisses!

Miss me much?

2006-12-14T13:33:00.000-06:00

Woah. Where have I been?

It's been over a week since my last posting, and I know ya'll are drooling your damn fool heads off with anticipation. So sorry for my departure...things here have been a wee bit hectic. Work, home, and that crazy social life of mine -- well, what can I say for myself except people love me.

So, huh. What have I done since we last spoke? Okay, here's a list:

1) I went to work at the video store last Friday. And dammit if mom didn't make me mop the flippin' tanning rooms. Oh. My. God. I practically gave myself a charlie horse.

2) I shaved my legs in the shower on Saturday. This is hardly anything exciting except for the fact that a) I had to take my glasses off, b) I am blind as a freakin' bat, and c) I learned not to clean the hairs off the razor with my thumbs when I can't see exactly what I'm doing. Oh yes, my friends. Much blood ensued.

3) Last night was the Video Giant Christmas party. We had a fun little bowling soiree, which is always a good time considering I am the kickingest assest person at bowling ever. (Hmmmm, did I just make up new words? Man, my brain is on fire today!)

Okay, seriously. I suck at the bowling. But if standing around looking pretty was a sport, I'd sooooo totally win.

Anyhoo, I surprised myself by coming in second on my 4-man team. That's practically a monkeys-fly-out-of-my-butt kind of moment right there. But it happened and I got so I excited I peed my pants a little. Heh.

Granted, my two losing partners were my 13-year-old daughter who couldn't give a care less, and my little sister who just had her fingernails done and therefore couldn't bowl a ball properly to save her life. But still. I beat them both, and nothing will change that. Ever. Weeeee!

Alrighty, things coming up in the future that ya'll must know:

1) Going to work at the video store again tonight and tomorrow because I work hard for that $5.15 an hour. Hahahahahahaha.

2) My real job's Christmas party is in Tulsa on Saturday at some frou-frou restaurant. Can't wait because it is food I'd never be able to afford on my own. However, what Travel Service, Inc. doesn't know is that we could go through the Mickey D's drive-thru for all I care; if it's free, I'm lovin' it. But let's just keep that to ourselves shall we? After 10 hard working, dedicated years of service to them, the very least they can do for me is give me a fancy chicken breast with some funky sauce on top.

3) Going shopping for pressies for my darling daughter to unappreciate on Christmas morning. Man, I love that girl!

4) My brother is having his baby in 1 week! This is the mostest excitingest news on the planet! Baby Bristol is coming and I'm going to be the most obnoxious aunt alive! Can't wait! My brother has already informed us all that Bristol will want race tracks and remote-controlled cars for Christmas this year. Yeah, ok. Diapers it is, then!

And now for some things that I haven't been doing but I should because it is sending my OCD into a hyper-spazmatastic-seizure sort of thing:

1) I haven't read a book in light years. I miss it so much. Books and I -- well, we were best friends just a few short months ago. And now, the one I started about two weeks ago is still sitting on my coffee table looking all rejected and pitiful. I swear, if it were a person it would have died by now.

2) I haven't scrapbooked properly in over a week. I know. This is serious business, peoples. I have made one lousy layout since the last one I posted for you. Just one. And it wasn't even a very good one. Something better inspire me soon, or I may s'plode from all the anxiety.

So I'm pretty much exhausted now from the never-ending typing today. I just wanted to catch ya'll up on the exciting nothingness that is my life. I apologize for my absence, but dangit if this wasn't one of the best posts ever, right? See. I take care of my peeps.

Love ya'll.

I'm ready for my close-up

2006-12-06T16:14:00.000-06:00

Today, my friends, I am officially famous. You are now reading the blog of one who is on the brink of greatness. On the cusp of notoriety. In the crosshairs of the paparazzi. I am practically a household name right now.

Here's why:

The bookstore next door called me -- ME -- and asked if I wanted to participate in their little commercial. I was stunned into blindness (by my name in 600-watt lighting, of course). I was so honored, so excited, so completely relieved that finally finally I've been recognized for the talent I so obviously am.

The rundown:

I was supposed to sit in a chair, drink a latte, and pretend to read a book. Oh, and look pretty, but that is a given. Sounds easy right? I mean, I was pretty much born to do this. Heh.

But when I get to the bookstore today, they switched things up on me. I added a little acting to the repetoire, peoples! So coolio. I was told to stand with one of the employees, hold a book, and talk to each other (the employee, not the book). So the employee girl grabs a book off the shelf, which turns out to be one on George and Martha Washington. The director told me to hold the book and for her to point out something to me in it. And ad-lib...go!

Do you know how flippin' hard it is to talk about nothing when you are supposed to act like you are talking about something?! The best thing I could think of was "Martha Washington is sexy." I hope to god no one is a lip reader or I very well could have ruined the commercial. Eh.

However, it was a lot of fun and I gots me a free hot chocolate and biscotti out of the deal. Weeeee! You know me and free food -- we's best friends.

Gotta scoot now. I have to go interract with my public. Ciao my lovelies!

And for my good friend, G --

2006-12-05T13:51:00.000-06:00

I know you've been asking and begging and pleading and going nuts with the waiting. Well, I will admit that I haven't scrapped in like a week, and therefore not enabling you properly, and I'm so so sorry. But lookie -- a layout! All for you.

Okay, okay. It's not the best thing I've ever done. In fact, looking at it right now sorta gives me the cramps. But it's all I have. It will have to do. And now maybe you can go make some mediocre masterpieces all on your very own.

You're welcome. Kisses!

Me no likey

2006-12-05T13:26:00.000-06:00

Sure, it looks beautiful, but don't let it deceive you. It is 7 inches of disaster just waiting to happen. Blech.

Seriously, you should see it now...all iced over and sludgy and jacked up and pitted from all the tires spinning in it. It is muddy and black and disgusting. So not cool at all. Oh, winter, you truly are the devil.

Well, I could go on and on with this, but I will start to irritate myself, and I just don't feel like putting up with me today. So in other news...

My daughter is a chinese acrobat. See:

Isn't this hilarious? I have no idea how she does it. Perhaps she is missing a few ribs; I dunno. But dang, girl! Go all Cirque de Soliel on yourself! Weeeeee!

Good lord, I need a life.

I have some very exciting news for ya'll but I think I'll wait until tomorrow to divulge. Primarily because if I don't spread out the good news, I will have the worst damn blog on earth ever ever. So you will have to settle down. But it's worth it. You'll see.

And now goodbye.

Hellooooo, you

2006-12-04T15:20:00.000-06:00

First of all, a shout out to my peeps for being so precious. I love ya'll -- you make me feel so happy on the inside. Ahhhhh. So love!

Okay, now that I got the mushy crap out of the way, let's get down to business.

This weekend, I was duped. I believe it was a conspiracy. Here's how:

I went over to my brother's house on Sunday to help paint the nursery. I was super excited because this is my baby nephew we are talking about here! Couldn't wait. But as soon as I get there, my bro started shooing me off in the direction of the kitchen to...what the freak!...do the damn dishes. I'm sorry, wha....? I don't DO dishes. I'm totally serious. At home, I even have a dishwasher that barely does my dishes, that's how much I don't do dishes. Just saying the word "dishes" gives me hives.

Anyhoo...

So mom and I are doing the dishes. And I was practically throwing up in my mouth. Do you know how gross it is to touch other people's food that is floating around in a sink full of water? Blech.

Oh, blech again.

Man, I think I've found a new respect for my dishwashing machine. Because if I have to touch big floating mashed potato blobs again, I may have an anxiety attack. For reals.

Okay, next.

I did get to paint the room, though. Hannah and Bryan picked out two shades of green and brown for trim that matches the baby's elephant decor. So cute! And I was like the best painter ever on earth. Aside from the big brown swish I made on the light green wall, I believe I am ready for some side jobs. But without the dishwashing. And the hard work. And the manual labor.

So call me!

Oh, and check out this momentary lapse of sanity that I made. I got a second job. I know! But my mom was desperate for some honest, loyal employees that know how to look cute behind a counter. And, well, if that wasn't right up my alley, I don't know what would be. So yes, my friends, you are looking at the newest clerk at Video Giant. Bringing all the boys to the yard 'cause I know how to work it. Heh.

Gotta go be all travel agent-y for a bit. More good stuff tomorrow! Love you.

And now, Something Exciting

2006-11-30T13:18:00.000-06:00

First of all, I want to say that I am the most dedicated person ever on the planet. Out of the three employees who live 15 minutes out of town, I am the only one to show up for work today. The roads are covered in ice, and there is no such thing as a salt truck or road plow out in the country, so you can imagine the peril I put on my life this morning. But alas, I am here. Because I am the best darn person that ever lived. And if that doesn't deserve a raise or something in the form of a gift card, I don't know what will.

And now for the excitement:

A dude came into the office today asking about cruises. He was not an attractive dude; he actually looked a little bit on the space-cadet side. You know, as if he had his daily dose of weed and a beer bong for breakfast. But I digress. Anyhoo... I'm talking about cruises and giving him brochures to look at, when out of the flippin' blue he asked me if I was about 21 years old. Excuse me, wha...? What the freak does that have to do with buying a cruise, I ask you? And hell no, I'm not 21 and I'm not retarded enough to believe I actually look like I can be. What's this guy's trip?

So I tell him I am 32. And he flipped the ef out. "No way, are you a momma?!" Good god. Did the travel agency become some sort of chick pick-up joint and no one told me? I'm like thinking in my head, Here's your damn brochure, now get the hell out. Seriously. I was so bored of that whole situation as soon as he asked me my age. I was pretty much on travel-agent auto-pilot from that point on.

However, I did learn two very important things that I will pass on to you in case you may benefit from my newfound wisdom:

1) If you are going to go out picking up on the ladies, comb your effing hair.

2) And do not wear a sweat suit.

Amen.

So yes, my friends, that is what happens in my life when I yearn for something exciting. I get hit on by crackheads. Urgh.

But here is really good news: I get to leave work early today! Yep, apparently icy roads keeps customers from coming in the building. (Except for the crackhead, who was obviously high and didn't know any better.) Weeee!

I go now.

A cold mofo

2006-11-29T15:15:00.000-06:00

Oh no. It's here. The devil called Winter. I suppose I should just accept it, but dadgum. Why be all beautiful and balmy and blue skies and LOVE over Thanksgiving break just to freakin' take it all away?

In short:

I hate cold weather. I hate rain. I hate snow.

I love ... well, everything else. Except for tornadoes. And heat that melts your eye makeup right off your face. But whatev.

Currently, we are under a Winter Storm Warning. On the agenda for this evening is ice, sleet and psycho level snow -- which is snow anywhere over 1 inch deep. Anything bigger than that is just plain ate up with the craziness. Gaaaahhhhhh! Not ready. Not ready. Not ready.

The end.

Okay, so basically I have nothing exciting to say today. So sorry. I am just too seasonally depressed to think of anything witty and/or interesting. I'll try for better tomorrow. Until then ... xoxo my lovelies!

I am anti-work week

2006-11-27T15:00:00.000-06:00

There is only one thing to say about coming back to work after a 4 day weekend...

Gaaahhhhhhh!

I swear I'm having a cold sweat. Oh, weekend, why you mislead me so?

Hope er'bodies T-day went well. I went to my brother's house where his fiance, Hannah, one-upped me in the housewife department. The damn woman cooked the entire frickin' dinner, ya'll. Crap. I am officially the family loser.

However, I did contribute. I made a Jell-O cheesecake that I whipped up in 5 minutes the night before. But get this: I hate cooking so much that I actually bought a ready-made graham cracker crust because I didn't feel like making the one that came in the cheesecake box. I believe I've hit a new low...but man, there's no cooking down here, so I think I'll stay awhile...weeeee!

Okay.

On Saturday, my pal, Stacy, and I went to a club. I haven't done this in like six years or so, and I was afraid I had forgotten how to dance or something. As if my inner-Carlton was about to bust out. Yikes. But, hahahahaha! I showed 'em all up. Let's just say I've got the music in me and leave it at that, shall we?

I also did some scrapping. I made a couple of masterpieces. Thought I'd make it a little spicy and did some 12 x 12s. Here they are. Watch your drool.

(Yes, I'm being lazy today. I think that's allowed after work selfishly taking my weekend away from me. Urgh.)

And now...some reality. My corporate customer just sent me seven frickin' e-mails. Unnnnhhhhhh. My brain hurts.

Some photo-liciousness...

2006-11-22T14:24:00.000-06:00

...to help pass the time. I know, I know, my dears. I will be missing from action for four whole days. What are ya'll gonna do without your daily blog love? I dunno, it'll be a toughie, for reals. So here's some piccies to help heal your heart while I'm away:

First up is my darling daughter. I just love capturing funny faces when they don't know I've got the camera. I think this one will be placed in the bribery file for future use. I'm pretty sure it will yield quite a bargaining price, especially when dealing with boyfriends. I feel a lifetime of free massages in my future. Weeee!

Next up, my sister the Supa-Stah! Doesn't she look so groooovy and cool? I swear to god, I got shorted a few gems from the gene pool, because I never looked this adorable when I was her age. Unless you count gigantic eye glasses with tiny stickers in the corner adorable. Hmmmm. Really? Well, I'm not surprised. I suck.

I sooooo love this next picture. Autumn can be such a cute, sweet, funny girl when she wants to be. This is her smooching on an olive and sporting a hot, messy bun. And yes, I'll take pictures of just about anything. Amen.

And now we have a slightly drunk...er, very happy...me. This was mom's Labor Day party, sitting out by the pool, having some mudslides. Yay! Me + drinky = cute picture taking opportunity including extended pinky finger ala proper British chick at tea time.

(What the freak did I just say? Nevermind.)

And lastly, I leave you with some beautiful to look at. I lurve this girl. She makes my heart feel good. And I swear, if any of you little boys out there break my baby's heart, I will scratch your eyes out. I'm serious.

Okay, my bloggerazzi, I am outta here. Hope ya'll have a great holiday. Back on Monday for all the gory details! xoxo

Thanksgiving treat

2006-11-22T13:53:00.000-06:00

I've got two layouts for you! Oh, yes, I certainly DO know how to take care of my peeps! You silly beggars, heheh.

These two were created with the new Piggy Tales Frog Prince collection. For those that care. (I.e., all of you. Don't deny your inner-scrapper, my friends.)

This first one is of my adorable kitty who is in kitty heaven and missed by me every day:

Man, there went my heart...

Okay, the last one is of me, Katy and Bryan at Katy's 17th birthday. Yes, I'm the old hag on the end. Urgh. I swear if I don't get cuter soon, I may have to kick somebody in the throat.

That's it. No more scrappy-do. Now you can relax and go enjoy your Thanksgiving properly.

Good-bye.

True story

2006-11-20T16:53:00.000-06:00

Seeing my mother without her makeup and hair done is about as elusive as seeing a giant hairy sasquatch watching tv in your living room. Seriously. That chick won't go anywhere without the proper things in place. She kind of cracks me up, but then again, that means I am always the fat, pale, dowdy girl walking next to her all the time. Hmmmpfh. I may have to find new friends.

And let the week begin

2006-11-20T12:43:00.000-06:00

But only because it's a three day-er. Hahaha! This is really the only reason November has a good side -- that dang four day weekend, ya'll. Weeeee! Other than that, well it can go straight to hell.

Okay.

I am in charge of the office today since the boss is in Mexico, and lemme tell ya, I feel a major goof-off coming on. Which, as you all know, is totally way different from all my other hard-working, paying-attention, 100% full-on travel agent days.

Jerry got off easy this weekend, by the way. I bought a sweater at Kohl's and that was it. His paycheck has been spared. This time. I mean, I suppose you could say I had a stroke of responsibility hit me on Friday and I decided to pay bills with the money. But let's face it, it was primarily because I couldn't find anything else I wanted to buy. Just keeping it real, my friends. Just keeping it real.

Ooooh, lunch. Tootles!

Something I learned today

2006-11-17T15:01:00.000-06:00

Never, ever ever wear large underpants with baggy jeans. Trust me on this one. May you benefit from my wisdom.

Amen.

Two days in a row...

2006-11-17T13:25:00.000-06:00

...that's a record, now, isn't it? Seems like that lately, anyway. I wanna apologize for being a bad blogger. I know ya'll have to get your fix, and I'm just like a candy stealer, holding all the goodies from my babies. So sorry. I will try to do better.

Any hot plans this weekend? Nothing much here except my husband has gone on a hunting trip so I'm thinking up all kinds of cool ways to spend his money while he's out. Here are a few ideas:

1) Shopping. You can never go wrong with shopping. I know I just went last weekend, but dammit, that was with my money so it's hardly the same thing. Plus, with Jerry's money, I can buy big-ticket items. Save my own flow for the cheap stuff. I do like to play fair, my friends.

2) Hmmm. Weird. I can't think of anything else. Shopping it is, then!

I am so sleepy today! I need to stop scrapbooking in the middle of the night, I guess. That, or else I need to stop DVR-ing every dang program known to man. Seriously. I recorded that flippin' Barbara Walters dealie on tv last night. What the freak for, man? I don't watch Barbara Walters, nor do I care about her 30 mistakes in 30 years. I am just a DVR junkie, plain and simple.

One word about the Dancing in the Stars finale on Wednesday. My poor poor Mario! I wanted him to win so bad. Now don't get me wrong; Emmitt Smith has his own cuteness going on. But I just got sucked in by Mario's dimples. And his swiveling hips. And his Latino hotness.

Sigh.

Anyway, I suppose that is what I get for not voting. It's all my fault. I am a loser.

Check this out: Right outside my office window this very second -- I mean, this absolute minute right now, there are camera crews setting up to video tape country singer, Keith Anderson's, latest video "Podunk." And I see some cute roadies, too, so travel agent work has been shot all to hell.

Keith is from my hometown, and as a gesture of downhome goodness, he decided to film the video for his new song right here. I'm trippin'! Of course, I don't know Keith as he is older than me, but he did work for mama at the video store, so technically that makes us best friends. I think that also makes me quasi-famous. Anyhoo...

Welp, looks like it is that time again to bid adieu. I have some serious goofing off on the Myspace and other non-work related items to get to. You know, busy busy busy! So I leave you with a little sumpin' sumpin' to get you through the weekend:

Took a little breaky

2006-11-16T11:42:00.001-06:00

So sorry for being absentee the past couple of days. I took two vacay days because I effing deserved it. I have been working like a crazy woman, and I had to put a stop to all the madness. But now I'm back, refreshed, and ready to waste some time on the bloggeroo. Weeeee!

I did some scrapping while I was away. Monday's efforts were a load of crap so I'm not even going to show you as I have a reputation to uphold. Tuesday's were better. Here is my favorito:

Man, it just oozes mad skill. Lurve it. For all those curious, the paper line is Crate Paper Birdie. For all those not curious, well, suck it.

(Oops, I mean I LOVE MY PEEPS!)

Then last night I created this one with MOD Blackbird line:

I do loves me some pink and black, ya'll!

Okay, no more scrappy bits. I can see some of you yawning, and I try really hard not to bore you. However, in my defense, it is my damn blog. Heh.

Well crap...I've ran out of things to say. My life is so boring. I suppose I should get back to work and make a living. But that really interferes with my "me" time, and ya'll know how much I love my "me" time. Or how much I just don't feel like working. Either way.

Started up the micro for a little bit of lunch. Having white chicken patties in a three cheese sauce with rice and vegetables. Sounds very gourmet; unfortunately, it is a frozen Lean Cuisine and is about the size of a side of cottage cheese or something. An entree it is not. It's barely a snack. And I'm a big whiny baby... gawd, I irritate myself.

Toodles, my dears. Back tomorrow, I swear, with hopefully more to say than how awesome I am at scrapbooking. And how much I hate doing other stuff other than doing nothing.

Huh. Man, I make so much sense, sometimes I scare me.

Damn good weekend

2006-11-13T15:37:00.000-06:00

Sorry to open today's postie with a nice little expletive, but that's basically how I feel about the weekend. Good. Dadgum good.

Mom and I are becoming new best friends. We spent so much time together just talking and being all makey outey, but mother-daughter style, of course. I dig that woman! She just makes my heart wanna burst with happiness sometimes. Ahhhh. Me loves!

We did some shopping on Saturday and made fashion magic, ya'll. I gots me some cheapie underpants ($2 a pair, yo), a new brassiere with some mad gorge lacy bits on it, new brown shoes to beat all brown shoes on the planet ever, a pair of jeans that I picked up in the Misses section in Kohl's -- yes, I said "Misses", the place where cool clothes go to die, but dangit if they weren't Daisy 'Hot Body By Pilates" Fuentes jeans and I rocked 'em like they were my bitch. Okay, and I also got a blank tank, sweater thingy, and some jewels. That's it. Only spent about a million dollars, but am I worth it? Indeed.

Oh, and Take Out Girl was in full super-power force this weekend as well. Friday, mom and I got some Arby's, Saturday I had a Sonic breakfast, a Schlotzsky's lunch, and a Red Hot & Blue dinner. Oh yeah -- the triple threat. Weeeee! Then Sunday, I had a tiny burg from McDonald's because I figured they needed my $1 sale to help keep their day going. What can I say? Just doing my thing for the peeps, man.

Last night, however, I did have dinner at home, but I skipped out on the preparation by sneakily arranging to pick up Autumn from her dad's at the precise time Jerry (a.k.a. Eating In Guy) started up the grill. Oh yes. Take Out Girl knows exactly what she's doing ... mwah hahahahah!

As for the scrap crap I was gonna do, well it was put-offsy until tonight. I had too much DVR to do. But wait till you see all things crafty on the blog tomorrow. You may need to start your hyperventilation medication now, peoples, I'm serious.

Gots to go now. After goofing around online today, the official "Wasting Time" period is about to begin. Don't wanna miss it!

Reason #127 Why I Am Retarded

2006-11-10T16:39:00.000-06:00

I read my own blog for entertainment.

Good lord help me.

Hello, Friday, oh how I've missed you...

2006-11-10T13:43:00.000-06:00

Thank god it's the weekend, man! I have been waiting for this day since like Sunday night. Weeeee!

(Welp, there I go ... I got all tickly on the inside again. So sorry, but how I do loves me some weekend!)

Scoop on the tire -- I knew those hooker heels had magic powers! Granted, it didn't get me as great of a deal as my lusty stare did the last time, but I'm not gonna complain. I paid $55 this time, and that's like a Christmas miracle if you ask me.

However, the bad news: the dang weather went and crapped out on me again. Good lord. Would it kill somebody to keep the sun switched on? Seriously, it is like drizzly, gloomy, cold and yucky outside. Blech. November sucks.

I have two scrapbook layouts to show you. The first one is of Autumn and a bunch of Paige's friends slinging mud at each other. I don't know whose fabulous bright idea this was, but I'm pretty sure they are a crackhead. I mean, seriously.

Okay, this next layout calms me down a bit. It is my beautiful mother looking her usual hot and sexy self. Why she got to show me up every chance she gets? I mean, would it hurt to go out in public with greasy hair and no makeup -- just one time, for me?

Man, look at those circles. I feel another tingle coming on...

I am just plain exhausted today. I stayed up way too late last night watching my best friend, DVR. And now I am being punished. I'm in serious need of nappy time, ya'll. It is so dire that I honestly have nothing interesting to say today. I know ... I'm irritating myself just acknowledging this. 'Cause as you all know, me with nothing interesting to say = pigs flying and igloos in hell.

So I promise, I will get all rested up over the weekend, and come back on Monday with witty, sparkling gems all for you, my loyal bloggeroos.

I done know. My eyeballs are rebelling on me. Tootles!

The scrap is back!

2006-11-08T10:50:00.000-06:00

I broke out the new kits the other night and totally impressed myself with my mad scrappin' skills. I made some loverly layouts with the Paper Loft Well Worn line, ya'll. Just looking at these makes me so happy on the inside:

The above is evidence of my daughter's loony-ness. She just got herself a new boyfriend (the one she has now -- in teenage years, they are practically married), and she wanted to express her joy with a smile to beat all smiles. I love seeing her all glowing and joyful. Sigh.

Oops. Sorry 'bout that. Had a slight sentimental moment there. I done now.

Now this next layout is my favorite. It's got craftiness written all over it, man. Behind the photo is a little file folder and I paperclipped Autumn's picture to it and called it "Exhibit B: Sense of Style." Yes, she is modeling her new hat. She spent about a week in this hat. Now, I'd give you 20 bucks if you could ever find it again. Seriously.

Okay, that's enough of that. I know all you non-scrappers are rolling your eyes at me. So here is special stuff just for YOU:

1) Today is awesome. The sun is out, the temp is somewhere in the 80s, and the sky is a lovely cerulean blue. I don't know how we pulled this one off in November, but kudos! If we have any more days like today, I may just accidentally pee my pants a little.

2) I got to leave work a whole hour before my lunch break because my boss took pity on me. I told her I was starving and that my stomach was eating itself, so she shooed me away in the direction of Taco Bell. Bless her.

3) PLUS -- and this may be the best part -- I still get to have my normal lunch break at noon. Weeee! That's double the fun, right there. I so EXCITE!

4) I went to drop my car off at the tire-gettin-place. I have no idea how much it is going to cost me since I so stupidly forgot to shave my legs. Blast! However, I am rockin' the capris and hooker heels, so we can work out a deal, mayhaps?

5) And lastly, did ya'll know walking three blocks in high heels gives you shin splints? Yeah. Me neither. Trust me, that's the last time I do that. If I'm to get shin splints, I at least want to be doing something more fun than exercising. Like scrapbooking, for instance.

Later, blogheads. I have much eating of the Taco Bell to do.

Monday. Eh.

2006-11-06T13:53:00.000-06:00

Did we get shorted a weekend this month? 'Cause I swear I was just working earlier. Gaaahhhh!

Hope everyone is doing fab today. Me...ah, well...did I mention today was Monday? And therefore working? Yeah. That's it in a nutshell.

My scrap-a-palooza I had planned sort of bombed. For one, I didn't scrap until Sunday night, and secondly, I sucked at it. I am so not kidding you. Here is the layout that ended up being my favorite, although that is not saying much:

Hmmm. Well, can't be a genius ALL the time, right? I got two new kits in the mail today, so I will try to do better, I promise.

By the way, that is my darling daughter being hoisted onto Rascal by Paige and Sierra. And then immediately after this picture, Autumn held on for dear life. Poor thing. She is so horsily un-inclined.

(Hah. Jot that phrase down -- it's a keeper!)

Went to my brother's fiance's baby shower yesterday. Hannah's looking so cute and pregnant -- kind of makes me wish I was pg. And then I knock some sense back into myself. Good lord. I don't think I could take another 9 months of ankles that droop over the sides of my shoes. Me no likey.

Alrighty, my peeps, I'm gonna scoot. Need a potty break, and then I have some serious slacking off to do. Bye bye!

Crappy things about today

2006-11-03T17:06:00.000-06:00

#1 -- I am busy. The boss has been gone for two days, and I am freaking busy. What kind of injustice is that?! Who's got their finger on the "Crap For Dianna" button, I ask you? Man, oh, man. One of these days, hopefully starting Monday, I can officially start my Goofing Off Only period. Because this thing they call "working" is about to run its course.

#2 -- My eyebrow pimple. What in frickety frack holy hell? I've had it for a week. And it is red and hideous. I'm trying to behave and not pick at it, but good lord. It just stares at me, calls my name, gives me voodoo eyes. Damn pimple. I am 32, ya know. Just because I act like I'm 13 doesn't mean I deserve puberty-ala-gawdang-forever.

#3 -- Got another flat tire. And this one is a doozy. Seriously, I believe it actually took some natural talent on my part to make the tire go all wonky and split apart like it did. Hells bells. So it's off to the tire-gettin'-place again on Monday to see about a cheap and/or free replacement -- better shave my legs.

Sigh.

However, there are a couple of good things about today:

#1 -- It's flippin Friday, peoples. Now how bad could it be?

#2 -- I've gone to the bookstore for the 4th day in a row during my lunch break and been fed every time. Cupcake on Tuesday, cake on Wednesday and Thursday, and a donut today. I believe they might be celebrating my existence or something because this is fan-freaking-tastic. Loves me some free food, ya'll. Granted, the cupcake was 2 days old, but heck, it had frosting on it, so who cares?

#3 -- Grandma came by to give Autumn her Christmas money. Helloooo?! It is November -- you know I'm gonna spend it on myself before Christmas, right? Oh, grammy. You will never learn. Tsk tsk.

In other news:

I haven't scrapbooked since like Monday or something. I don't know what I think I've been doing being all consumed with season 4 of Will & Grace like I have been. I've got to get my priorities in line, peoples. So tonight, while Autumn and Paige are off to yet another school dance, I believe I will have a little scrap-a-palooza. Party of one.

Speaking of the school dance, Autumn is going with her boyfriend, Kaleb. The very same boyfriend she's had since September 11. I believe this officially makes my daughter loyal and perhaps a little obsessive. Mama so proud ...

Okay dokes, my blogalicious pals, I'm off for the weekend. Hope ya'll have a little fancy. I believe I will as well. Because it's my damn job.

Peace, yo.

November already

2006-11-01T14:29:00.000-06:00

Where has the time gone? Seriously. We just had Christmas like last month or something, didn't we? And now it's coming around the corner once again.

So it is November 1, and to celebrate, Mother Earth decides to bring out the sun. Weeee! I can handle cold temps as long as the sun is out to cheer me up. Rain, grey skies, and darkness at 5 p.m. can all go straight to hell. Me + sun = best friends forever.

I have two layouts to show you today. I created them with the Paper Salon Tribeca line, which is oh so gorge.

First up, is a tribute to my beautiful cat, Alex, whom I miss soooo much it ain't even funny:

Sweeeet. Man, oh, man. The title is called "I Carry Your Heart" which is a part of the poem by e.e. Cummings. Ya'll didn't know I could be so eloquent, did you? Well, surprise, bitches.

Hmmm. Anyway.

Last layout is of my little sister bragging about her technological advantage over me. Look:

I titled this one "Ipod Love" because Katy is all makey outey in these pics. She's so precious, it makes me want to throw up sometimes.

Other items to note on this layout -- the chipboard heart painted by yours truly. It was red, but I sanded all the color off of it and made it brown to match the color scheme. Hmmm, a brown heart. Yeah, well, whatev.

Also, check out the yellow photo corner. Man, that punch is too much fun to play with. I want to make photo corners like all day. And on the title, I layered 'love' over 'Ipod' because I was going for an artistic look. Me likey!

I've got another kit at home that I'm thinking I may do something with after Dancing With the Stars is over. Because as you know, I have no life.

Current status:

Stomach cramping (due to big latte and cake)

Off I go, ya'll. Have a great rest of your day. I think I'll go take a nappy under my desk now. Buh-bye!

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T14:05:00.000-06:00

Halloween is now officially my favorite holiday. Why, you ask? Well, since the kids are older (13 and 14), it is the only holiday where I don't have to buy a dadgum thing. And that leaves more money in my pocket for ME, which is always a good thing. Weeeeee!

I'm tellin' ya -- I hated buying costumes when the girls were younger. I have no idea why. I always put it off until the very last minute. And then they ended up getting the most retarded costumes ever -- like a pumpkin sweatshirt and some orange tights or a "cat girl" -- whatever the freak that is.

Seriously. One year, when Autumn was 5 or so, she went as a baby. The costume consisted of a robe, nightgown and Baby Bop slippers -- you know, stuff she already had since apparently going to Wal-mart and finding something cuter was simply out of the question. I did, however, add a personal touch by making pigtails and homemade freckles. I mean, come on, I get points for that, certainly?

This year, though, the girls are on their own. You wanna dress up you by god better be handy with the scissors because momma's not making nothin'! Or buying crap.

So here's what they've done:

Paige decided she was going to be a man. She got the shirt and the boots and the trucker cap. But the piece de resistance -- a flippin' beard made out of coffee grounds! I'm serious ... the girl smeared syrup around her mouth, chin and jaw and dadgum dipped her face in a vat of coffee. Hilarious! This morning she was asking my "expert" advice on whether her mustache should go all the way down to her lip. Ummmm, yeah. Whatever, chic.

Autumn, on the other hand, went a little more low key. She sprayed her hair black, put on black eyeliner, lipstick and nail polish, and went as a skater. Hmmmm. That is kind of like how, when I was in junior high, we would wear t-shirts and shorts and say we were beach bums.

But however you say it, I didn't have to spend a thing. And that, my friends, is the most awesome-est of all things awesome. Next to filching your children's candy stash, that is.

Let the darkness commence

2006-10-30T13:56:00.000-06:00

Man, oh, man. Do I hate the end of Daylight Savings Time. I have officially been plunged into darkness. Blech.

The only upside is that it is nice and bright at 7 a.m. and therefore helps me wake up a bit.

Hahahahahaha.

Who am I kidding? I'm still dead to the world, no matter how sunshine-y it is outside. That is my nature, ya'll. Me + anytime before 10 a.m. = one crabby beeyotch. I've learned to accept it.

Now for something uplifting to focus on -- I give you a trio of beauties. Behold:

This kit is from Sassacraft -- my NEW favorite company! All their kits are $19 including shipping. Why, that is practically free. And I'm all for saving money, as you know.

Anyhoo...the paper is KI Memories Grateful line. It is meant for Thanksgiving photos, but I spit in the face of conformity. Pffft.

The above photo is the newly svelte Paige. Actually she's shed about 10 more pounds since this piccie was taken. Very happy for her. Not so much for me, as I am now officially the biggest chic in the house. Ger.

Okay, next up is a layout of my daughter and one of her friends, Breanna, acting their usual goofy selves. You can't tell in the photos, but they each have nice red hickies on their chins. Yep, they did an experiment -- what would happen if they squeezed the lifeblood out of their chins nonstop for about 15 minutes. A hickey, that's what. Good job, girls.

A note on the above -- see those lovely yellow swirls? Thems raw chipboard that I painted with my own two hands. I rocked the chipboard like it was my damn job. Weeeee!

Last layout is another fabu display of chipboard stylins. All the brown bits -- they be it. I'm slowly working my way out of the funk, my friends. Usually raw chipboard irritates the crap out of me. I'm a lazy scrapper, ya know, and just don't feel like doing any of my own decorating. However, I'm kind of getting into it now. Especially if I keep churning out awesomeness such as this:

Well, I've had a great time today patting myself on the back. Thanks for hanging out. I'm hoping for some more groovy stuff tomorrow. I got two pretty kits in the mail today (which is how I prefer to start out Mondays), so maybe I will get a chance to whip out some more masterpieces.

Tootles!

Are you ready for fall?

2006-10-26T13:44:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I'm not. I want summer back. Fall can just shove it for all I care. In fact, it is just an evil precursor to that devil called Winter. Urgh.

I need sunlight. I need warmth. And soothing breezes, green grass, flowers. Rain and dreariness can take a first class ticket to Hell. My treat.

Today, as a matter of fact, it is drizzly and gloomy and I'm having a serious bout of Seasonal Depression Disorder. Where's my good buddy, Sun? And Blue Sky -- where'd he run off to? Australia, probably, the bastard.

But, in celebration of all that is good about fall, here are some layouts I created. The kit is from Scrapworks, the Canvas Citrus line. And because I can't decide which ones to showcase, you get ALL of them.

You're welcome.

I'm the Queen of Collage. That is all I'm going to say about that.

Next layout is of Autumn demonstrating her best model pout. I'm so serious ... where is the Barbizon School of Modeling when you need them? I smell scholarship.

Okay, now here is Autumn showing how versatile she can be. It is a kissy face pose. Lovin' it! I've thrown a few derogatives in there for good measure, however, such as crazy, wacky, and dork (handwritten). Just keeping in real, my friends. Just keeping it real.

Alrighty, more of Autumn. I really love this picture of her. She looks so happy and smiley. I'm thinking she needs to have more days like this. At least when I am around her, anyway.

And lastly, finally, Paige gets her 15 minutes of fame. This is her being all nature-show amongst the Black Eyed Susans. Check it:

I have many more of Paige to scrap, but I am saving them for another kit. Will be in scrappy paradise tonight, that's for sure!

On an OCD sidenote, I have demonstrated once again that I am utterly and completely hopeless. I purchased two new scrapbook kits because I just couldn't help myself. My wallet is about *thisclose* to staging a rebellion, I swear it. But click here and here for all the lusciousness you can handle. Well worth it, I'd say.

Uhhhhnnnnnnnn.

2006-10-24T11:28:00.000-05:00

I'm sick. Blah. I have a major sinus thing going on, and it is so not cool to drip snot on yourself without even so much as a warning. Seriously. I'm all like talking and then oopsie. Soooo gross.

Anyhoo ...

Here are some layouts that I did this weekend. They are from the Cosmo Cricket Wanted line. Hope you likey:

My new tool? Why, it is a photo corner punch! I bought it last week, and I so love. It is like the bubble wrap of the scrapbooking world -- too irrestible to not play with. Getcha one!

Next layout is of Paige and her horse. Well, actually it is her uncle's horse, but that is only a technicality. Just ask her.

Dadgum. That paper looks like wood. Them Cosmo Cricket people are geniuses.

Alrighty, last layout is probably my fave. It showcases Autumn's fantastic horse riding skills. It reminds me of the time when my friend, Mindy, and I rode a horse that promptly stepped into a wasp's nest. Except I wasn't holding on for dear life like Autumn is in this pic. I was more freaking out in a flailing-arms kind of way. But whatev.

That is all my friends. I did three other layouts, but they were hideous. Sometimes, I swear I forget how to scrapbook.

Last night, however, I rocked the patterned paper like it was my bitch. My Scrapworks Citrus kit is so incredibly awesome and fall-licious. Just wait til you see.

Mmmm, k. It is about lunchtime, so I'm gonna scoot. I believe there will be some hardcore power napping in the car on the menu for me today. Weeeee! I get chills just thinking about it.

I survived.

2006-10-23T14:47:00.000-05:00

But barely. Let me just say one thing -- I am so glad I do not have any other children that are about to turn 13. I may go prematurely grey. Or deaf.

Photo here is of Autumn and her friends who squished like sardines into my little SUV. There are two others that you cannot see. Yes, that's right, Autumn did the voodoo eyes on me once again and I somehow agreed to eight girls staying the night. Either that, or someone slipped a rufie in my Dr. Pepper.

It all turned out a success, however. Autumn managed a whopping $206 in bday money. Very impressive. So I've decided for my 33rd next year, I'm inviting all of Autumn's friends. They certainly know how to come through in the gift department. And after all, that's why we have birthdays, right?

And like any annoying mother, I followed Autumn around with the camera as much as possible. So fun. Here is a cute pic of Autumn and the boyfriend du jour. Can I just say how adorable this is? Makes me wanna be 13 again.

Sigh.

Anyhoo... the clock strikes 11 p.m. and sadly the party is just beginning. As a "cool mom," I am required to drive around town with 9 kids in the car, stereo this side of ear-splitting, windows rolled down in the 40-degree weather, and girls hanging out the moon roof.

Seriously. That is no joke.

However, there is a really good part. Saturday, about 2 p.m., Jerry and I dropped off the last of the girls. And then there was silence. Ahhhhh. It truly was spectacular.

On Sunday, I took Autumn to the mall so she could spend her money. In typical "like mother, like daughter" fashion, she dropped all $206 in less than an hour and a half. Oh yes. She's good.

Points about the day:

1) Autumn sooo enjoys a little 20-minute dance revue in front of dressing room mirrors.

2) Momma does not.

3) Autumn also enjoys buying the crappiest of crap, such as the tiny pink skull she got at Claire's. Seriously, I don't care that it gets 6,000 times bigger when it is dropped in a glass of water -- it will forever be cheap and retarded. And not very impressive. I can expand just as easily after eating a can of bean dip and a whole package of chocolate Hostess Donut Gems.

4) Thank god the Claire's clerk doesn't work on commission. You are welcome for the $1.50 sale. Go crazy, dude.

And finally, I know ya'll are dying to know. The answer is yes -- I scrapbooked this weekend. I will post layouts for you tomorrow. Today, I am too tired, my throat is sore, and I'm a bit peeved that my car ate my new Hinder CD. If any of you out there know tricks on how to get a CD out of a cranky player, please advise me.

Ta-ta, luvvies!

It's official...

2006-10-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

...I am now the mother of a 13-year-old. Let the roller coaster begin.

So tonight there will be a fancy to-do at the bowling alley, as well as a big honkin' slumber party in which to drive momma over the OCD cliff. Seriously -- if it was possible to staple a carpet-sized Hefty bag to the floor, I would. I really do hate chip crumbs. I really, truly do.

I will be back Monday to report all the weekend's happenings as well as (hopefully) some really fabu layouts. I am having major scrapping withdrawls, and I'm pretty sure that THAT coupled with OCD Chip Crumb Psychosis (a real disease -- I looked it up) ...

(okay, I didn't really)

... causes a collapse in the creative process and quite possibly some neurological side effects such as a facial tic or a little Tourette's sneaking in the vocab. And we don't want that.

Gaaaahhhhh!

(That is Tourette's for "calm the freak down.")

On a sidenote, yesterday I went in for a wax job on my eyebrows because they were seriously like two hairy caterpillars that decided to take naps on my forehead. And apparently, there was some sort of miscommunication between the waxologist and me because now I look as if I'm about to say "Oh my god, my eyebrows are soooo pointy!" Erg.

Am I getting punished for something, I ask you? Why am I now forced to wear eyebrows that point directly into my hairline? WHY? Is it because Fat Chloe pooped in the laundry room and I left it there? Or because I put a dirty shirt in the clean clothes pile?

Hmmpfh.

Til' Monday, ya'll.

Good ol' karma

2006-10-19T12:11:00.000-05:00

So, the boss has been gone for the last two days, and what have I been doing to celebrate? Working my effing ass off, that's what. Always a fun time. The only good thing about it is ... well, I'll have to get back to you on that.

Other items in the news:

My darling daughter turns 13 tomorrow. Holy schnikies! Where has the time gone, I ask you? However, I do believe I'm gonna have a hot-headed teenager on my hands. My mother, I'm sure, is laughing laughing laughing, but seriously, I'm quite distraught. I don't want to deal with a bossy, bratty, spoiled, whiny child. Regardless of how I treated my own mother, I think this "paying for your raising" crap has got to go.

Yes, mother, go ahead, yuk it up some more. By all means, go all giggly on yourself. But just remember this -- I will be your caretaker when you are old and feebly. Mwahahahahahah.

Okay, I'll admit, I was sooooo not an ideal teenager. I was horrible and rebellious and rude and hateful. I feel very guilty about it. However, mom and I are the bestest of friends now. So see? It all worked out in the end.

Long story short, what I'm really trying to say is that karma sucks. Big time. Gahhhh!

Better news:

I got my last October kit in the mail today. Let the scrapping commence! So hopefully I will have some real beauties to show you next week. If I can find some peace amidst the billion teenage girls that are sleeping over on Friday, that is. We shall see.

Pet parade

2006-10-17T11:46:00.000-05:00

Good morning, my peeps. Just dropping in to share a cute picture and a couple of layouts, all for YOU! Man, oh, man -- who loves you more than me?

Okay, first up is a layout I did in tribute to my dear Alex. It is rather simple because I didn't want to go all fancy on it and detract from the true subject -- my adorable cat. Hope you likey:

The title says "Miss U (already)" in case you can't see it very well. This photo was taken in early September. Alex was romping around outside and climbed on top of the tornado shelter. So cuuuute. Doesn't he just look like the king of world?

Okay, next up is of the family dog, Abby. She doesn't get too many layouts devoted to her and I feel kind of bad about that. I just know Abby complains about it to the other neighbor dogs. Maybe that is why she licks me even when I tell her not to -- as punishment for picking favorites. That vindictive little shrew!

(Whom I love so much.)

These two masterpieces were created with the Fancy Pants Free Spirit line and My Mind's Eye Bohemia. Dig it.

Now this photo has not been scrapbooked yet but I couldn't wait to share it with you anyway. This is Fat Chloe (which we call her behind her back) drinking Autumn's leftover milk. She couldn't stick her big melon in the mug, so she used her paw. Too funny!

Well, that's all the fun I have in me today, my friends. Gotta do some work (I guess). I have to plan a "cheap" trip to Mexico for Christmas/New Years for a customer. All I have to say about that is Mwahahahahahaha.

Have a rockin' day.

In Memoriam

2006-10-16T10:50:00.000-05:00

My beautiful cat, Alex, died on Friday evening and my heart is just shattered. Ya'll know I loved that baby -- evident in how much I enjoyed taking his picture and making scrapbook pages for him. He truly was like a child to me. So beautiful and sweet and utterly adorable. I'm going to miss him.

Oh, what a bummer I am today. I bawled like a baby all weekend. Jerry looked at me like I was retarded, but as I've mentioned before, he is a robot and has no feelings. He didn't like Alex because he enjoyed peeing in the dining room. Well, whatev. Don't we all enjoy being a little rebellious from time to time?

But what good times we had! Alex loved to bite toes, especially ones that appeared right next to his head when he was hiding under the bed. Oh, that was always a fun surprise for me! Alex also enjoyed tormenting my other cat, Chloe. She was soooo not a fan of that game, but then again, Chloe doesn't like to be touched by anybody, even me. She may be a germaphobe. But then again, she may just be one heckuva kitty beeyotch. Meeee-yow, suckas.

But back to Alex. Oh, how I loved it when he'd give me kisses, and purr next to me on the couch. How I could put him in bed with me at midnight, and he'd stay there on my pillow until 6 in the morning. He was so precious, and so silly, and everything I've ever wanted in a cat. Ah, man. I'm gonna miss that little boy.

Happy Friday!

2006-10-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

You know, although I just had a vacation day yesterday, there is still nothing like a Friday. Man, oh, man. I loves me some weekend.

Yesterday was nice and relaxing. I slept until 11:30 (also loves me some sleep -- apparently), then went to Joplin to see mom and go to a couple of scrapbook stores. A two-fer!

I bought me a bunch of new alpha sets. If you haven't picked up the Trademarks rub-ons from American Crafts, do so. You will likey. Then I got this super cool circle stamp by 7 Gypsies. It looks like a "seal of approval" and is so very very cool. Plus, to top the day off right, I got another kit in the mail. Weeee! I believe there will be scrapping to be had this weekend, ya'll.

Here are two layouts I did the other day with my Mosh Posh kit, A2Z Essentials Carefree line. Eat 'em up!

The above is Autumn and her pal, Breanna, playing board games. The little chipboard thingy with "A and B" on it was plain cardboard and then I got all crazy on it. I mixed my own acrylic paint and ever'thang. It's not like the best match in the world, but dang it if I don't care.

Okay, that is probably the most unflattering photo of me that has ever been taken. I believe it is all mom's fault -- lord knows I love her but she can't take pictures worth a crap. And we all know I'm one hot beeyotch in real life.

Right?

Other notes of craftiness: I added the word "my" using the American Crafts rub-ons I was mentioning earlier. Ahhhh, so love. And the little word scraps I glued around my photo were actually part of some patterned paper. I am way too handy with the scissors, I think. Hmmmm. Jerry, beware.

And lastly, my adorable cat, Alex. I love him so much. He just melts my heart. For reals, people.

Oh, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but the chipboard scrolls were, once again, painted by my very own hand. I am working on getting over my hatred of raw chipboard. It is such a hot item now, but it requires a lot of dressing up, and sometimes I just don't have it in me. But this time, my friends, I rocked it. I got my crafty on. Beep-beep.

Alrighty, have a fabu weekend, my lovelies. More good stuff Monday.

And now...a layout

2006-10-11T11:11:00.000-05:00

Man, oh, man. I LURVE scrapbooking. It is like the most awesome-est hobby ever. I can't get enough of it; it is my drug. (A healthy drug, however. An over-the-counter one.)

Let me take this opportunity to thank my darling daughter for getting me hooked. Yes, it was Autumn who had me DVR all the DIY Scrapbooking shows. It was Autumn who begged me to buy that cheapie 2000 piece kit from the commercial. And it was Autumn who huffed at me for stealing the kit from her and therefore destroying her own scrapbooking dreams. Love you, baby!

Sigh.

So, without further ado, I give you the most scrap-ically correct layout I've ever done:

Just dig how matchy-matchy it is. It is like we planned our outfits especially for this paper. Hahahahahah -- I'm almost that nerdy, but not quite. Yet.

The paper is courtesy of my good pal, Lorraine, who took pity on me and my little podunk scrapbook stores who did not stock this Deja Views Fresh Prints line. Me love-a you much, Lo Lo!

And for those who do not know, the photo is of little sister and I showing our brother how much we like him.

News for the future -- I received my Mosh Posh kit yesterday and scrapped four layouts last night. I pretty much forgoed food, tv, and interaction with people just so I could provide layouts for my peeps.

You're welcome.

So since I am taking another vacay day tomorrow (weeee!), I will post the layouts for you on Friday. Come on back!

So the drama

2006-10-10T15:40:00.000-05:00

Lemme just say one thing:

Having a teenage daughter is flippin' awesome! I never knew it could be so much fun living my life all over again. Weeeee!

Here's the skinny -- the short version, as I do not want to bore myself senseless writing a long, drawn out story. You, on the other hand, will be enthralled.

It was the school dance on Friday. Autumn went with her new boyfriend, Kip. At the end of the dance, she walked out with her ex-boyfriend, Kaleb.

Mwahahahaha!

I'm thinking it was one of two things. Either a) Kaleb was jealous because Autumn started going out with another boy and just couldn't handle it, or b) he got a load of this dress and it knocked sense back into himself. It was probably a mixture of the two, though. I mean, obviously.

After the dance, the girls went to the bowling alley (which is the 2006 junior-high version of dragging main). And here comes the annoying mama with the camera. So sorry.

But the fun didn't stop there. Next day was the Columbus Days festival. Jerry and I took the girls and sent them off with $10 and their freedom. Needless to say, I was trying very hard to keep the panic attack under control. It took all my willpower (and maybe a firm grip courtesy of the hub) to keep me from following them around.

One note about Jerry -- this man cannot go anywhere without seeing people he knows. We were on our way to the car after the festival, and I swear we stopped about 18 times to say hello. I'm like, excuse me, are you running for president or something? Get your move on.

But back to my point. Later in the afternoon, as a means of punishing myself for being such a dork of a mom, I decided I'd double our cell phone bill just for kicks. Purchased the girls some new camera flip-phones from U.S. Cellular because I love them and want them to think I am the coolest person ever. Yes, it is obvious I don't do guilt very well. Eh. Whatev.

I will tell you this, however: I will be sooooooo over it by the time the $150 bill comes in the mail. And it will be too late. Ger.

On a side note, today's ewwwwwww factor is currently 99.95% and rising. I took a potty break, and who came out of the women's restroom, you ask? The dirty old man from across the hall, that's who. And so now I'm pretty sure it was his pee I sat on last week. Oh dear god. I'll take Big Gigantic Tetanus Shot for $500, Alex.

Boy trouble

2006-10-06T11:09:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, the joys of having a teenage daughter. Here are the events of the past couple of days:

First and foremost, Autumn's boyfriend of 3 1/2 weeks (practically a lifetime for a 12 year old) broke up with her. We knew it was coming. Or at least I did because I have that mommy's intuition thing going on. Also because I am extremely all up in Autumn's business. She hates it, but I can't stop myself.

Anyhoo, here's how I knew:

Last Friday at the football game, Kaleb had asked Autumn if she was going to give him a kiss. And poor Autumn thought he was joking. Oops. I had forgotten to mention to her that anytime a boy asks for a kiss or anything make-out related, he is sooooo not joking. Ever.

So Autumn tells him she didn't know, and then Kaleb proceeded to laugh it off then act weird for the rest of the night. Which then quickly mozied onto not calling her back when he said he would, ignoring her at school on Tuesday, then telling people he didn't know if he liked her as much as he used to.

On Wednesday, Kaleb calls her and asks her if she was going to the dance on Friday (tonight). And about half an hour later, Autumn's friend, Sierra, called her and said he wanted to break up. Well, what in sam-holy-hell was the point in that?!

Gaaahhhhh!

Surprisingly, however, I believe I was more heartbroken than Autumn. I mean, this dude is a cutie! But Autumn just brushed it off and maintained her zen-like attitude of whatever. Bravo -- never let 'em see you cry, I always say.

And then she did the ultimate payback. Yesterday at school, Autumn started dating the most popular boy in her class. Heheh. Way to make her momma proud. And her ex-boyfriend jealous. Oh man, I get giddy just thinking about it. Lalalalalalalalalala!

Alright, I really need to stop it. I sometimes forget I'm not a 12-year-old girl anymore. It's just I can't help but be nosy when it comes to my daughter. I'm trying not to butt in, but who am I kidding -- I'm simply made to the be mother of a teenager. It's what I'm good at. Autumn may disagree, but seriously, she doesn't know what I know. (Which is everything, in case you were wondering.)

(And you were.)

Throughout this whole Kaleb ordeal, I've tried to give her advice. She's not much for listening to what I have to say, but whatev. Momma's gonna keep talking anyway. Cuz that's how I do.

Okay, no more talky talky. I just plain exhausted myself. I will be back on Tuesday for more blogging. I'm taking a litte vacay on Monday (weee!), so perhaps I will have some interesting scoop for you as well.

Later, my luvvies.

Hump Day treat

2006-10-04T11:45:00.001-05:00

No, not that.

I have layouts for you! Just two, but I do lurve them so. They were created with the Little Red Scrapbook kit, A2Z Essentials Bountiful line. Getcha an eyeful below:

I think I may need to add a little bit more stuff in the lower left corner to balance out the stuff on the right side. But that is just my left-brain talking.

Shut up, left-brain.

I think I'd rather be creative and let things land where they may. If I feel like sticking a bunch of crap on one side of the paper and let the other side just bare nakey in the wind, so be it, right? That's why me and my right-brain are best friends. It keeps me from thinking I am not normal.

One thing I learned in scrapbooking school (haha, there is no such thing) was that you can create little mini areas to house special things. So take note of my three circles that each include little bits inside. Also, my three circles create a visual triangle that lead the eye directly to my photo. And since the photo is overlapping several pieces of paper instead of "floating", it is grounded and well-balanced.

Blah blah blah. There went the left-brain again.

Okay, enough of this. As a REAL Hump Day treat, I would like to remind you of the lovely Mario Lopez on Dancing With the Stars. How hot is that man? I swear, I'd crawl up inside his dimples and camp out there if I could. Yum.

Sigh.

Afternoon small talk

2006-10-03T16:41:00.000-05:00

This is the grossest story ever. Do you want to hear it?

(By the way, the answer to that question is always yes.)

So I'm taking a potty break at work. And I'll admit I wasn't paying attention, but I rarely do. I mean, who does, really? Anyhoo...

I'm on my way down, naked skin just about to touch the toilet seat, when I happen to glance down and see someone else's FRICKIN' pee on the damn seat! WTF? And too late, I had the momentum going and couldn't stop myself from sitting right down on top of it.

BLEEEECHHHH.

Excuse me ... I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

My question is -- how can a girl leave pee-pee on a toilet seat? Seriously, just how big does that hole need to be?

I suppose that is my punishment for being a bad blogger. Someone put the voodoo curse on me, mayhaps? You evil devils.

(Whom I love so very very much.)

Toodle-loo!

Woah.

2006-10-03T13:27:00.000-05:00

Where the hell have I been?

You won't believe how busy I've managed to keep myself these last few days. But no more! I've made it against my morals to be so busy ever again. All for the love of my peeps. Awwwwww.

First of all, I want to give a big birthday shout-out to my little sis who turned the big 17 yesterday. Holy schnikies! That's only one more year til' Playboy, so ya'll stay tuned.

And now for a dose of jealousy:

Eh. Katy has officially one-upped me in the technology department. Damn her. However, it is a rather cute litte Ipod. That's a great lot of hot pink luscious-ness right there. Me loves!

And because I feel I need to put more of myself into this blog, I give you this:

If you look closely you can see my boob. Hmmm.

Anyhoo... for those that don't know, that is me and my little sis and bro. Aren't we a hot group of kids? I think yes.

And if you can get past that big fleshy right arm of mine, I might even be able to snag myself a li'l boyfriend on the side.

Lastly, I post this picture because I feel like getting all blubbery and gaa-gaa inside. Isn't this just the sweetest thing ever?

Roll on December! That baby can't get here fast enough for me! So, Hannah, if you are reading this, see what you can do about that, will ya? I need to be a full-blood aunt like right now.

Okay, I have about 6 new layouts that I added at Two Peas. I am being uber lazy right now and just don't have it in me to post them on here. So sorry.

Back to work and being busy. Ger. My morals are feeling very violated right about now.

Flower children

2006-09-28T14:17:00.000-05:00

You know, it is starting to look quite lovely this fall. All up and down our street there are these gorgeous Black-eyed Susans in bloom. Of course, I'm almost sure they are just weeds (or are they?), but dang they's purty.

Anyway, I took the kids out this past weekend and made them pose for me. Autumn was in her usual almost-13 cranky-ass mood, so I barely got a smile out of her. In fact, I didn't even get any great artsy shots. She was like grimacing and crossing her arms and eating a Tootsie-Pop while I was trying to pose her. I'm all, gimme that dang thing, you aren't two!

So this is my reward:

It's not bad, but it's certainly not the best thing I've taken. And, seriously, as soon as this picture was over it was back to the Tootsie Pop and the scowl. Teenagers. Ger.

Paige, however, fared much better. She was just a regular little model. I am very happy with these. See:

Cuuute! And Paige didn't even balk at me when I asked her to sniff the flower (because we are pretty sure a dog probably peed on it). What a trooper. All for the sake of a good photo.

And you would be right in thinking my brain is already cooking up something special for these babies. They don't call it a one-track Scrapbook Train for nothing.

(Alright, no one calls it that except me. Whatev.)

Gonna scoot now. Work beckons. But before I go, a little reminder to everyone to watch Ugly Betty tonight on ABC. It is sure to be a hoot.

Mad Scrapper

2006-09-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

It's official -- scrapping has taken over my life. Seriously. Here's proof:

For the past eight years, I've been a diehard, nonstop book reader. I've had a book in my hand everyday for several hours per day ... and nothing stood in my way. Not even driving, dammit, because I've discovered you really can do two things at once. (Okay, and before ya'll get on to me, I only do it on dirt roads, and not even all the time. Only like once every blue moon when I'm in the middle of a really juicy part and I can't decide what's more important -- finishing the book or getting home.)

Anyhoo ... I digress yet again. Back to my point.

(And I do have one.)

This whole month of September, I've been reading a book. One book. One measly 240 page book that would have normally taken me 4 days. Current status: page 169. Yep. It has taken me 27 days to read 169 pages. That's an average of 6 1/4 pages per day. Even an idiot can do that.

So, yeah, this scrappin' thing has taken over my usually placid life. After work, all I want to do is watch DVR and scrap. My husband is all What the hell?! My daughter is all Yeah, yeah, your layouts are fabulous...you're the Queen Scrapper...blah blah blah. But I get all giddy inside just thinking about it. I dream about designing layouts at night. Seriously, it took me like 45 minutes to fall asleep last night because I kept creating things in my brain. Good god. Someone help me.

However, on the plus side, check out the result of my mad scrappin' skills:

That one was made with my scraps. I love me some wavy lines, man. Also, that is my lesbian crush (er...good "friend"), Elsie Flannigan, being all up in the business of my sister. Hmmmm. I may be a wee jealous.

Next, is new kit stuff from The Scrapbook Site -- My Mind's Eye Bohemia line. Dig these:

I've got more layouts to come, but this is all I could eke out last night before my eyeballs rebelled on me. A girl's gotta sleep sometime ya know.

Also, I have some photos of the girls that I took this weekend in the Black-Eyed Susans. But I'll show them to you tomorrow. I think I'm going to get all cozy under my desk and take a nap instead.

Cheers!

A Soiree to Remember

2006-09-26T11:29:00.000-05:00

Since having three days recuperation and distance from the party of the year, I can honestly say now that it wasn't too bad. But if you would have asked me last Saturday how I was doing ... well, I just might've bit your hand off or something.

I don't do well with a house full of people. Little teenage people, that is.

My OCD was kickin' in big time. I swear, I'm no fun. Trailing behind the kids, picking up after them as they drop chip crumbs on the floor. It is hard to sit down and behave when all I can think about is how dirty things are getting. But then I took a pill and all was right with the world.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Okay, here are some pictures for you to enjoy. First off is Paige and all her friends. Yes, she had 5 freakin' girls stay the night. It was only supposed to be 4 girls, but Paige manipulated the crap out of us like only a 14-year-old girl can do. She's good.

I don't remember being this cute when I was 14. But certainly I was?

Anyhoo... Off to the bowling alley. There was a ton of kids there. Even some 7th graders who somehow finagled themselves a piece of cake despite not being invited. Tricky.

Here is a photo of Paige and me. All I can say about this photo is mwahhahahahahaha ... I'm still taller. Heh.

Interesting tidbit about the photo above: I cropped it specially to make myself look good. For some reason, I was standing all twisty and I looked a little deformed on the bottom. So, I'm pretty sure that's why God invented photo-editing software. He rocks.

And the last picture is from Saturday morning. Jerry had the bright idea to do this:

What the frickety frack flippin freak was he thinking? Me no likey. I'm starting to hyperventilate ... hold on ...

So, basically there was lots of hosing down in the backyard after this pic. But then ... and I about throw up when I say this ... the girls wanted to get the rest of the mud off in my big, gigantic fit-for-a-princess tub. Wha....?! That's my prime reading spot! How dare you ask to defile that which is precious to me?!

Ger.

However, I have this "cool mom" reputation to live up to, so of course I'm all smiley and chirpy and like "by all means, please do" but inside I was dying. Dying, I tell you!

Hmmmpf. Well, that's all over with now. And looking back, it was a pretty darn good time. The girls had fun and Paige had a birthday to remember -- which was really the point. (I know, I know, it's not all about me. I get it.)

Now I've just got to psyche myself up again for next month. I have a feeling Autumn's birthday party may put me over the edge. We shall see.

First things first...

2006-09-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

...layouts! I scrapped til' 1:30 a.m. today. I am so diehard. And super sleepy. But whatev.

Anyhoo, here are my faves. I finished up the Classy Pak kit with the Dream Street papers. Here's what I came up with:

Yes, there is a little sucking up I'm doing on that one. Gotta keep the man happy so he won't ask to take control of the checkbook. That would be very bad, my friends. Very, very bad.

I have a lot of layouts with this look to it -- you know, two patterned papers split in the middle, kind of like wainscoting on a living room wall. I dunno why I do this all the time. I suppose I just like it. Hope ya'll do too, because most likely there will be more. I'm very predictable like that.

But then I go and do something crazy like this to shake things up a bit. Make life a little spicy, if you will. I cut this pattern right off the paper. Dude. I rock.

Okay, these next two layouts are from the new Sassacraft kit, Gin-X No Clue Whatsoever. Me loves!

First one -- I was all about cutting up paper, I think. Dig the heart, man. I have big love for my bro and sis. Check it:

Ahhh, precious. Other idea to note -- I put a rub-on letter "I" on pink cardstock and then cut around it to make a border. Plus, for added craftiness, I took my X-Acto knife and trimmed out the inside of the letter.

I was really in a groove last night. I am so not kidding you.

Alrighty, last but not least, I give you this dreamboat:

Sweeeeet. I used my new favorite embellie -- the jewelry tags! They are so tiny and cute. I found them at Office Max in the label section. They were a mere $16 for 500 tags -- crap! But well worth it 'cuz they are dang versatile. Getcha some!

Mmm, k my peeps. I'm done for now. I've got photos of the birthday soiree to share, but you'll have to wait for tomorrow. Tooooo bad.

Love ya'll!

A party is lurking...

2006-09-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

I'm psyching myself out for the big birthday soiree this evening. No, it's not a party for big people -- it's for Paige and a bunch of 13 and 14 year old girls. Oh. Dear. God.

I did, however, score points for my side by having the party at the bowling alley. Let someone else clean up, know what I'm sayin'? But -- and perhaps this is punishment for me getting too cocky -- Paige is having four girls stay the night. Yikes. I remember what I was like at slumber parties, and can I just say -- earplugs, PLEASE!

So I stocked up on snacks. Seriously, I spent $40 bucks on crap food. I'm loading the conveyor with frozen burritos, pizza rolls, Bagel Bites, Cheez-Its, Doritoes, bean dip (okay, that's for me), french onion dip, Ruffles, 2 kinds of cookies, cheese dip and tortilla chips. The cashier's looking at me as if I've lost my mind. And why do I feel the need to explain myself? I just do, that's why.

Anyhoo...

Pray for me, peoples. Pray that I will make it through this night of screaming, drama-queen girls. And if Jerry goes to bed early and leaves me to defend myself alone ... well, I'll have to punch him in the kidney (or somewhere else more front-ways and centrally located).

On a side note -- freakin' Grey's Anatomy beat that dang ratings-hog CSI last night. Weeeee! I have no idea why I care or feel so protective of my favorite show (or any other show on ABC, my beloved network since my junior high All My Children days). That's just me displaying a little of my nerdy side, I guess. However, I might've gone a smidge past nerdy. Well, suck it.

And now, I leave you this happy friday with some layouts to start your weekends out right, ya'll:

Those are the last scraps of my Coordinates Collection kit. Now off to tackle the other four kits in my floor. These three layouts are from Classy Pak, Dream Street Sandra Faye line:

Oh god, I get all giggly inside looking at that one. My cat is so awesome. Love him AND his finger-bitin' ways.

Next up is a simple layout of me. I really have nothing exciting to say about this one. But here ya go:

And lastly -- my favorite girl in the whole wide world. I did a little fancy on this one with my nifty Basic Grey rub-ons. So love.

Hmmm. Now that it is loaded, the picture is a bit blurry and the rub-ons don't show up very well. But trust me, they are there. Look at the left side and bottom of the photograph -- them flourishes there -- that be it.

And speaking of the photograph -- it amazes me that the crap-hole area I live in can have such pretty places for pictures. This weekend, we are making the girls pose in a field of Blackeyed-Susans that is just down the road from us. Ahhhhh. Can't wait.

Okay, I'm done now. Are ya'll still awake? Catch ya on Monday with (hopefully) lots of layouts to share and not much rampant-teenage damage to my brain.

Toodles!

It's Me. The End.

Movin' On

Crappity crap.

So very, very absentary

I am boring...

Happy Birthday!

Cuteness...

Education is a good thing -- or, NOW it is

New e-mail rule

Learned something

Oh, and one last thing...

Icky. Boo.

It's a birthday fandango!

I've got stuff...

I like it spicy

We be's tourists!

Scraptastic!

Dianna as "Nerd"

So...

A happy day!

Note on the weekend

Breaky lemon cakey

My obsession is BAAAACK.

And so it begins

You want photos?

Just one thing...

Lurkers de-lurk!

Scraps for you

Crappy Scrappy

Fancy schmancy me

Something pretty to look at ...

Ooooh, scrappy scrappy now!

OMG

Need a vacay from vacay

Vacay horray!

Money = Love

Monday is stinky

Coming to you on a Saturday

I smell a latte coming on

Zzzzzzz...

Too much time on my hands

Attention scrappy friends ...

Pictures to love!

Lookie, a headline!

Weekend calls me.

Hahahahahahaha!

Yes, you may pass out now

Well are you *really* surprised?!

Happy Anniversary!

I love to tease...

Baby Bristol Extravaganza

What up?

New Year follies

Last post

And he makes his debut...

Shoppy time

Miss me much?

I'm ready for my close-up

And for my good friend, G --

Me no likey

Hellooooo, you

And now, Something Exciting

A cold mofo

I am anti-work week

Some photo-liciousness...

Thanksgiving treat

True story

And let the week begin

Something I learned today

Two days in a row...

Took a little breaky

Damn good weekend

Reason #127 Why I Am Retarded

Hello, Friday, oh how I've missed you...

The scrap is back!

Monday. Eh.

Crappy things about today

November already

Happy Halloween!

Let the darkness commence

Well are you really surprised?!